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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26018725">And Baby Makes Seven</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lastbluetardis/pseuds/HiddenTreasures'>HiddenTreasures (lastbluetardis)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Perfectly Matched [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Baby Fic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family, Family Fluff, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kid Fic, Pregnancy, Romance, Soulmates</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:55:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>76,742</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26018725</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lastbluetardis/pseuds/HiddenTreasures</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Things don’t always go as planned. Faced with an unexpected pregnancy, James and Rose have to work quickly to get everything prepared for their fifth child, and to prepare their eldest children for a new addition to the family.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Perfectly Matched [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/629147</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>335</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>142</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oh hey, look! I’m posting this story a little earlier than planned to give myself something else to work on apart from my Catalysis series. I hope you all enjoy this newest installment!</p>
<p>Chapter Word Count: ~ 5700<br/>Chapter Rating: Teen</p>
<p>Ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the start of the chapter:<br/>James: 39<br/>Rose: 34<br/>Ainsley: 9<br/>Sianin: 6<br/>Twins: 5.5 months</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Did you leave Daddy a present in your nappy? Eh? Did you leave Daddy a present?”</p><p>James walked with Hannah to the back of the family’s vehicle, the nappy bag slung over one shoulder. He held the baby under her armpits, her body dangling in front of him so as not to smear around the “present” she’d just finished depositing into her nappy. Hannah gurgled and beamed at him, enjoying the swaying of her hips and legs with every step he took.</p><p>He carefully adjusted his grip on his five-and-a-half-month-old child to fish the car keys from his pocket. With a press of a button, he popped open the rear door. First placing a blanket down, he set the baby on her back and unsnapped her onesie, making quick work of cleaning her and fitting her into a fresh nappy.</p><p>“All better,” he cooed, balling up the soiled nappy. “Much, much better, eh Han? Don’t want to be sitting in your own poo.”</p><p>Hannah flailed her little fists, then twisted her body to roll onto her tummy.</p><p>“My clever girl,” he said, hastily plucking her up into his arms before she rolled out of the back of the car and onto the hard ground. “If you want to practice your rolling or maybe even attempt to crawl, Daddy will lay out a nice, soft blankie for you on the nice, soft grassie.”</p><p>She babbled unintelligibly, content to rest in his arms. Throwing the nappy and wipes into a nearby rubbish bin, James returned to the car to grab a cooler filled with their lunch, then he lazily strolled back to the park to rejoin his family. He pointed out birds and flowers as they ambled beneath the blazing August sun, and Hannah seemingly soaked it up with delight.</p><p>The chiming of a phone interrupted his one-sided conversation with his daughter. He patted his pocket, but his own mobile was silent. He then sifted through the baby bag until he found Rose’s ringing phone.</p><p>
  <em>Incoming call — Chloe Conway</em>
</p><p>Recognizing the name of one of the mothers of Ainsley’s best friend, William, James answered the call. “Hi, Chloe. It’s James. If you give me two minutes, I can put Rose on, or I can take a message?”</p><p>“No need, you’ll do. Laura and I have a <em>huge</em> favor to ask of you and Rose. We need somebody to watch William for us Monday and Tuesday.”</p><p>“As in, <em>this</em> Monday and Tuesday?” he asked, brows lifting. That was two days from now.</p><p>“I know it’s last minute,” she said apologetically. “My wife and I are having another baby, and the C-section is scheduled for Monday morning. Originally, my parents were supposed to keep the boys, but my dad fell and broke his leg yesterday and so Laura and I have been scrambling to find someone to watch them. Obviously if you can’t, that’s completely okay, but I thought I’d ask.”</p><p>“I don’t see why we can’t keep him for a few days,” James said. “I’ll chat with Rose about it in a minute and let you know. Do you need us to watch Dylan as well?”</p><p>“Nah, we’ve got him squared away at a friend’s house. Thank you so, <em>so</em> much.”</p><p>James disconnected the call and slipped Rose’s mobile into his back pocket before he made his way to the playground, scanning the area for his family. </p><p>He spotted Rose almost immediately. She stood before a giggling little baby strapped into a swing. On every forward swing, Rose caught the seat and held Maddie still enough to blow a kiss or a raspberry into the child’s pudgy neck, resulting in another round of jubilant cackles.</p><p>His heart clenched as he watched them. They were so happy. Rose’s smile was the most beautiful thing he’d ever beheld, and Maddie’s laugh was the sweetest sound in the world.</p><p>Over and over, Rose caught the swing to plant a raspberry kiss into Maddie’s neck. He would have been content to watch them for hours. Motherhood suited Rose well, and she was so damn good at it. She adored their children, and their children adored her. Even now, months after the birth of their twins, Rose was glowing in a way that made him fall in love with her, hard and fast, again and again. She was the most beautiful person on the entire planet. He was unspeakably happy that she’d been made a mother again, thanks to their beautiful twins.</p><p>Not having caught their attention yet, he selfishly took a few minutes to observe them, snapping a generous number of photos and videos while he did. He always enjoyed getting candid shots of Rose with their children; God knows Rose had captured thousands of photos of him with their daughters, and he wanted her to be in just as many photographs.</p><p>Eventually, James stepped up to Rose’s side and slipped an arm around her waist. She hummed but didn’t reply since Maddie was swinging forward again. Instead, she dutifully gave their daughter another kiss. Maddie laughed as though this was the best game in the whole world. Rose’s answering grin made something deep in James’s belly clench, and he had to stop himself from snogging her right there in the middle of the park.</p><p>Instead, he gave her middle a squeeze. “You’re such a wonderful mummy.”</p><p>Rose beamed at him, then noted the lunch bag slung over his shoulder. “Oh, thank God. I’m starving.”</p><p>He inclined his head towards the large pavilion and its awaiting picnic benches. “Shall we?” He scanned the rest of the playground. “Er… we’re missing two children.”</p><p>“Are we? And here I was, thinking we only had two babies,” Rose teased, bumping her hip into his.</p><p>On the next forward swing, Rose caught Maddie and lifted her out of the seat. The baby squawked her annoyance at not receiving her kiss.</p><p>“I could eat you right up,” Rose sang. She hugged her baby close and pressed nipping kisses all along Maddie’s neck and shoulders, making the girl squeal and squirm. That was evidently enough to make the baby forget about the swing.</p><p>“Ainsley and Sianin are somewhere over there.” Rose gestured vaguely to the wide expanse of grass beyond the playground area. Dozens of kids raced around, playing a game of freeze tag. From this distance, he couldn’t make out either of his two eldest children. “We can fetch them once the food is out.”</p><p>As they made their way towards the benches, James said, “I got a call from Chloe. Well. <em>You</em> got a call from Chloe. I answered it. She and Laura need us to keep William for a couple days this week.”</p><p>He relayed the details of the phone call. When he’d finished speaking, Rose said, “Sure, we can keep him. Do they need us to take Dylan too?”</p><p>James shook his head. “Just William.”</p><p>“Ainsley will be thrilled.”</p><p>He hummed his agreement. “You know, I worry about how she’ll react to the news that we’re eventually relocating to Scotland. She’s got to leave her best friend behind.”</p><p>“I worry about that, too,” Rose admitted. “But they can still keep in touch. And she’ll find and make new friends.”</p><p>“What if we traumatize her?” James set the lunch pack on a picnic table.</p><p>Rose snorted and began pulling sandwiches out of the cooler. “I think that’s a little dramatic.”</p><p>He shrugged. “I moved around a lot when I was a kid. Until Mum and Dad settled in San Francisco, I didn’t make any close friends.”</p><p>Rose cocked her head to the side. “Are you having second thoughts?”</p><p>Was he? Was the potential misery of Ainsley worth more than all of the other positive attributes of the family moving to the Scottish manor?</p><p>“No,” he admitted, trying to ignore his parental guilt. “No, going to Scotland makes the most sense. But I don’t like the thought of any of my children being upset. About anything.”</p><p>“I know,” Rose said gently. “But they’re resilient kids. And Ainsley gets along well with so many people; she’ll have no trouble finding new friends. Besides, the difference in technology between when you were a child and now is astounding. It’ll be no trouble at all for Ainsley to call William or set up video chats with him. And we can arrange to meet up with him and his family whenever we happen to be in the area.”</p><p>James nodded, soothing his anxieties with her words. “Oh, we need to text William’s mum back, letting her know we can definitely watch him.”</p><p>Rose nodded and gestured for him to go ahead and send a message, which he did. After he tucked her phone safely back into his pocket, he said, “Shall I find our children, or should we scarf everything down before they get their grubby little hands on it?”</p><p>Rose snorted and threw a grape at him. He managed to catch it and popped it into his mouth.</p><p>“I’ll go fetch them…”</p><p>Before he could move, and as though conjured out of thin air, Ainsley and Sianin materialized by their side. Pink-faced and sweaty, they plopped onto the bench and reached for the plate of sandwiches.</p><p>“Have some water first,” Rose said, setting a bottle of water in front of each child.</p><p>“But I’m starved!” Sianin whined.</p><p>“Drink,” Rose ordered. “Then you can eat.”</p><p>Ainsley gulped down half the bottle in one go, and after a bit of moaning, Sianin followed suit. Satisfied, Rose handed the girls a turkey sandwich.</p><p>With their eldest children appeased, James and Rose focused on their littlest girls. They each kept a twin in their lap and, in between taking bites of their own sandwiches, coaxed the babies into eating their lunch of puréed carrots and spinach.</p><p>They’d begun introducing solid foods over the last couple of weeks with minimal initial success. Nevertheless, they continued trying until their patience was rewarded—both babies seemed to finally accept their new diet within the last few days. Rose still breastfed them, though it was usually only before bedtime, or when one of the twins was inconsolably fussy or not feeling well.</p><p>James was thrilled that the twins weren’t relying solely on breastmilk. He relished the opportunity to take on his fair share of the burden of making sure his babies were being fed.</p><p>“Here comes the spaceship,” he crooned, zooming the spoon of greenish mush around and around, to Hannah’s unending delight.</p><p>“Spaceship? Not an airplane?” Rose teased.</p><p>“Nah, airplanes are so boring. She’d much rather try to dock a spaceship than land a boring old plane. Wouldn’t you, darling? Don’t you prefer a rocket to a plane?”</p><p>Hannah squealed and bounced her legs as she tracked the spoon with her entire head. As it approached, she dutifully opened her messy mouth but clamped down on the spoon a little prematurely. Half of her lunch dribbled down her chin and onto her bare thighs.</p><p>“Whoopsies,” James said, grabbing a napkin and wiping her legs and chin clean. “A bit over-eager, eh darling?”</p><p>She cooed and grinned, causing more of her food to leak down her face.</p><p>“That’s so gross,” Sianin said, wrinkling her nose at her baby sibling.</p><p>“She’s learning,” James chastised. “You were just as messy with eating when you were her age.”</p><p>“Doesn’t mean it’s not gross. Why don’t babies come out older?”</p><p>James cocked his head. “What do you mean, darling?”</p><p>“Well, like a puppy or something. A puppy is only useless for a couple weeks, then they can eat real food and walk and run and play and get toilet trained. But Hannah and Maddie are still totally useless.”</p><p>James couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled out of his throat, even as Rose grumbled, “They’re not totally useless.”</p><p>Sianin pinned her mother with an exasperated expression that no six-year-old should have been able to master yet. “They <em>are</em> totally useless.”</p><p>“But look how cute they are,” James countered in a sing-song voice, bouncing Hannah on his knee.</p><p>Sianin was less than impressed. “Speaking of puppies…”</p><p>“No, we’re not getting a dog,” Rose said firmly.</p><p>“But Mummy,” Sianin pleaded.</p><p>“No. Your sisters are far too little and a puppy is far too energetic,” Rose said. “When the twins are a bit older, then we can discuss pets.”</p><p>Sianin groaned. “Just don’t have any more babies, ‘else you won’t <em>ever</em> let me get a puppy.”</p><p>“Speaking of having babies,” James said, trying to divert the attention away from puppies.</p><p>Ainsley’s brows shot up. “Um… please don’t tell me Mum’s pregnant again.”</p><p>“Oh! No! No no no,” James hurriedly assured. Rose smirked at him from the corner of his eye.</p><p>Ainsley sighed with relief while Sianin muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, “Thank fuck.”</p><p>James did a double-take. Obviously Rose heard the same thing because she spluttered on a sip of water. Through her coughs, she rasped, “Sianin Noelle, <em>what</em> did you just say?”</p><p>With a deer-in-the-headlights expression, Sianin’s cheeks flamed beet red. Her mouth moved but no words came out. After a minute, she said lamely, “I… I said ‘thank <em>God</em>’.”</p><p>“Don’t lie to us,” James said, pursing his lips.</p><p>Sianin’s cheeks were still scarlet as she squirmed on her seat. “I… I didn’t mean to. It just… came out. I’m sorry. Please don’t be angry.”</p><p>“Darling, I’m more upset that you lied,” James said, flicking his eyes towards Rose. Her mouth was parted in surprise at the word that had come out of their daughter’s mouth. “Mistakes happen, and you need to own up to them rather than lie about them. What you said is an adult word. Do not say it again.”</p><p>“I’ll try not to,” she mumbled, swinging her legs back and forth. After an uncomfortable minute, Sianin peeked up at him. “How can a word be an adult word? Don’t all words belong to everyone?”</p><p>“It’s a rude word,” Rose amended. “It’s not very nice to use it.”</p><p>“But…” Sianin squinted, her gaze flicking between her parents. “I’ve heard you say it when you do sex… er, I mean, <em>private alone time</em>. Why use a rude word when you’re spending <em>private alone time</em> together?”</p><p>And just like that, James now wished he could melt through the floor. He spluttered for a response, wracking his brain for anything to say, when Ainsley, grinning, said, “So what were you going to say earlier? About babies?”</p><p>“Right, yes, babies.” He glanced at his eldest. “Your mate William is going to be staying with us for a couple days beginning Monday.”</p><p>“Daddy, you didn’t answer—”</p><p>“Oh! Are his mums having their baby?” Ainsley asked, her face lighting up.</p><p>“Yup,” James said. “C-section is scheduled for Monday and William’s grandparents are suddenly unable to host him. We’ll have him for Monday and Tuesday night at least.”</p><p>“Wait, I thought someone else was having their baby,” Sianin said, blinking. James was relieved she’d dropped her previous line of questioning. For now, at least. “Why does he need to stay with us? It’s not like his mummies need to be in the hospital.”</p><p>“Obviously they’re both gonna be there for the birth,” Ainsley said, rolling their eyes. “Just like Daddy was there when Mummy gave birth to Hannah and Maddie. And you and me. He wasn’t having the baby, but of course he would want to see his babies being born. And probably be there to support Mummy, too.”</p><p>“Oh. What’s a C-section?” Sianin asked, pulling another sandwich to her plate.</p><p>“Cesarean section,” James said, intercepting her sandwich and halving it, taking the other half for himself. “It’s a different way of giving birth.”</p><p>“Instead of the baby slipping through the birth canal and out of the vagina, doctors cut open the woman’s belly and pull the baby out instead,” Ainsley said excitedly, her eyes gleaming.</p><p>James cringed, and Rose echoed the gesture. But rather than look disgusted, Sianin beamed. </p><p>“Cool!” The six-year-old tilted her head to the side. “That sounds a lot easier than trying to shove a whole baby out of a hole this big.” She held up her thumb and forefinger, leaving barely a hair's breadth of space between them.</p><p>“That hole grows when it’s time for the baby to be born.” Rose lifted her hand beside Sianin’s and spread her thumb and forefinger as wide as they could go. “Ten centimeters.”</p><p>Sianin glanced to her mother’s hand, then to Hannah. She grabbed Rose’s hand and moved it to the top of Maddie’s head. “Her head’s waaaay bigger than that.”</p><p>Rose snorted. “Remember, her head was a lot smaller when she was a newborn. And do you remember when Daddy and I told you to be very careful with their heads? It’s because their skulls weren’t fused; they were in separate pieces. So the tops of their heads were soft and squishy to make it easier for them to squeeze through. And the birth canal stretches to help.”</p><p>Sianin didn’t seem convinced. “Doesn’t that hurt?”</p><p>“It can,” Rose replied. “Some women have a harder or easier time in childbirth.”</p><p>“How was it for you?” Ainsley asked, popping a grape into her mouth.</p><p>“All of you were different,” Rose said. “Ainsley, you came so early that I was too concerned about your health to notice much of anything else. Sian, you were my biggest baby and took your sweet old time coming out, so you were a tad painful. And the twins… Well, I kept expecting it to get worse when suddenly they were born. However, there were two of them, so after Hannah came out, I still needed to push Maddie out, too. But I would do it all again, a million times over, to have you four in my life.”</p><p>James smiled at his incredible wife, his heart swelling in his chest. She was the strongest woman he knew. He was so proud of her, and so thankful to her for giving life to their children.</p><p>He reached over and rested his hand on her thigh, giving it a subtle squeeze. She grinned at him and covered his hand with hers.</p><p>“Though getting back to your earlier point, Sian,” Rose said, “a C-section isn’t taking the easy way out as far as giving birth. Yes, the actual process of the birth is much faster, but the recovery is so much longer. To get the baby out, doctors need to cut through flesh and muscle and the womb. That is a major surgery. Remember how long it took to recover from your appendectomy? It’s a similar recovery timeline, if not a bit worse. Especially heaped on top of the fact that there’s a newborn baby to care for.”</p><p>“At least neither of William’s mummies is getting the C-section though,” Sianin pointed out. “So they don’t have to recover from surgery.” She looked thoughtful for a moment. “If Elena, Juliette, and I ever have a baby, I think what William’s mummies are doing is what we should do. Someone else has a baby, then we just take it home with us. Though I dunno if I want a baby. They’re annoying.”</p><p>Ainsley rolled her eyes and pinched her sister, muttering, “You’re annoying.”</p><p>Sianin stuck her tongue out, but she grinned at Ainsley.</p><p>oOoOo</p><p>Monday morning, bright and early, William and his mothers arrived at the Tyler-McCrimmon house. Sianin was still asleep, but Ainsley was wide awake and bolted for the front door as soon as the first knock sounded. Rose trailed after their eldest, Maddie snug in her arms, her eyes a bit glazed from lingering sleepiness.</p><p>“William!” Ainsley cried, throwing her arms around the boy when the door opened.</p><p>William grinned and hugged Ainsley just as tightly. Rose’s heart cracked at the thought of breaking the news to Ainsley that, next summer, they’d all be moving to Scotland.</p><p>“Thank you so, <em>so</em> much for keeping him,” Chloe said, stepping up to press a kiss of greeting to Rose’s cheek. She then turned her attention to Maddie. “Oh, hello sweetheart! Haven’t you gotten so big? So big and so beautiful.”</p><p>Maddie rewarded her with a wide smile and a garbled screech.</p><p>“We were thinking of taking the kids to the aquarium this afternoon,” Rose said. “If that’s all right?”</p><p>Chloe waved her hand. “Sure, sure. Feel free to take him anywhere. Let us know what we owe you for tickets or food or something.”</p><p>Rose snorted. “No, this is our gift to you. A baby gift, if you will.”</p><p>Chloe pursed her lips, but Laura rested her hand on her wife’s shoulder. “Love, we’re running late.”</p><p>“We’ll be fine,” Chloe soothed. “We built in an extra thirty minutes this morning.”</p><p>But Laura appeared anxious and jittery. Chloe smiled apologetically to Rose, who waved her off.</p><p>“Go on. Let us know when the baby’s born.”</p><p>Chloe nodded then crouched down to William’s height. He immediately walked into his mother’s arms, holding her close.</p><p>“I love you, bud.” She kissed him softly once, twice, three times, then released him.</p><p>Laura dropped down beside her wife to give her son a round of hugs and kisses.</p><p>“Be a good boy,” she told him, wiping his hair from his forehead. “Mind your manners. Help with anything Rose or James asks of you. And have fun. We’ll see you on Wednesday.”</p><p>“Bye Mum, bye Mama,” he said, blowing them each a kiss. Chloe and Laura caught the kiss and held it to their chests with broad smiles. William beamed, too, then waved as he watched them walk to their car and drive off.</p><p>He then spun towards Rose and said, “Thank you very much for hosting me, Ms. Rose.”</p><p>“You are very welcome, Mr. William,” she said, bending down to give him a hug. “Have you had breakfast yet? We’ve been waiting for Sianin to wake up, but if you’re hungry, I can make something now.”</p><p>He nodded and stepped fully into the house, wheeling his little suitcase behind him.</p><p>The family and William all ate their breakfast slowly, waiting for Sianin to wake up. It was half past eight before she skipped merrily into the kitchen, already dressed for the day.</p><p>“Hiya, William,” she chirped, plopping into a chair. “Daddy, I’m hungry.”</p><p>“What a shame, you <em>just</em> missed breakfast,” he said apologetically. “It’s only served ‘til eight, I’m afraid.”</p><p>Sianin rolled her eyes and groaned, “Daddy.”</p><p>“Whatty?”</p><p>Sianin heaved a dramatic sigh, then looked to Rose. “Mummy, I’m hungry.”</p><p>“Then come help me make something,” Rose said, standing and holding a hand out. “Toast and eggs? Oatmeal? Fruit and yogurt?”</p><p>“Pancakes,” Sianin said.</p><p>“No pancakes this morning,” Rose vetoed. “Perhaps later this week.”</p><p>Sianin grumbled under her breath, but settled on yogurt and an orange. She used her orange slices as a spoon, slurping the yogurt off of it before sucking the juice out of the fruit, then finally eating the pulp.</p><p>“Can’t you at least <em>pretend</em> you know how to use silverware?” James sighed, handing her a wad of napkins as juice dribbled down her chin and arms.</p><p>“My little brother eats his oranges the same way,” William supplied. “But he chews them to get the juice, then spits it out when there’s none left.”</p><p>Sianin grinned and continued eating her breakfast. “Are you getting a little brother or sister?”</p><p>“Dunno.” William shrugged.</p><p>Sianin scrunched her face. “What do you mean? Is the baby a boy or a girl?”</p><p>“My mums didn’t want to know the gender. They like the surprise.”</p><p>Sianin blinked. “What sort of clothes did they buy? How’s the nursery decorated? What name did they pick?”</p><p>“There are gender-neutral colors for baby onesies,” Rose said. “And honestly, most parents get to the point where they don’t care if they dress their kids in the opposite gendered clothes, as long as it’s clean.”</p><p>“We never wore boys’ clothes,” Sianin pointed out.</p><p>“Because your daddy and I lucked out that we had all girls, so we could recycle all of the old baby clothes we had.”</p><p>“My mums picked out different names,” William explained “If it’s a boy, his name will be Jasper. If it’s a girl, her name will be Louisa.” He peered at the clock. “Should be soon, now. Mum said the C-section is at nine.”</p><p>And sure enough, as James and Rose were readying the kids for their day out at the aquarium, Rose received a text from Chloe.</p><p>
  <em>Baby’s here! A beautiful little girl!! Louisa Anne. 51cm, 3.4kg. Everyone is doing well… birth mother is in recovery, Laura and I are spending time with the baby. We’re already so smitten!!</em>
</p><p>Chloe had also attached several photographs of a red, scrunch-faced newborn.</p><p>“William,” Rose called, unable to contain her joyous grin.</p><p>He turned his head, and his eyes lit up. “Is the baby here?”</p><p>Ainsley shrieked in excitement, and the two of them raced towards Rose. Rose angled her phone towards William so he could see the messages from his mother.</p><p>“Oooh,” Ainsley gasped, peering over her friend’s shoulder. “She’s adorable!”</p><p>James came up behind Rose to look at the photos too. He rested his chin on her shoulder, then pressed a small kiss to the side of her neck. She relaxed back against him.</p><p>“Feels like yesterday the twins were that tiny,” he murmured into her ear.</p><p>“The twins? Hell, it feels like yesterday <em>Ainsley</em> was that tiny,” Rose scoffed.</p><p>He chuckled softly, then gave her middle a squeeze before he released her to continue packing for their day out.</p><p>The family and William all had a great time at the aquarium, though Ainsley, William, and Sianin all wanted to race ahead to see the various tanks and exhibits.</p><p>“Make sure you keep an eye on your sister,” James told Ainsley when he overheard her and William discussing the tanks farther ahead.</p><p>Ainsley rolled her eyes. “Yeah, like I’d let her get lost in a place like this.”</p><p>He hummed, then gestured that they were free to wander. “Stay together <em>as a group</em>. And take my phone, in case you can’t find us later. Be mindful of the other visitors.”</p><p>Ainsley gave him a thumbs up, pocketed his phone, then the trio disappeared among the crowd.</p><p>“They’ll be fine,” Rose said, bumping her hip against his. Despite her light tone, he saw the way her eyes followed their children.</p><p>James looped his arm through one of hers, and he strolled leisurely beside her as she pushed the twins’ buggy through the crowded aquarium.</p><p>The twins were in a great mood for the outing, to James and Rose’s unending relief. They were content to sit in their pram, and if they started to fuss, they calmed down as soon as they were in one of their parents’ arms.</p><p>Maddie was enthralled by the displays of brightly-colored fish. James towered over most of the other visitors, giving Maddie a clear line of sight of the tanks. He pointed at the various fish, describing their colors and shape for his child. She beamed and gurgled the entire time, and after that, refused to be put back into the pram.</p><p>Ainsley, Sianin, and William met them back in the lobby after they’d explored the entire aquarium.</p><p>“I took some photos on your phone,” Ainsley said sheepishly when she gave it back to her father. “Hope you don’t mind.”</p><p>“‘Course not,” he said. He opened up his camera roll, and his heart squeezed when he saw dozens of selfies of his children and William. He smiled faintly at the silly faces they all pulled, particularly if they were standing beside a placard that showed a photo of a fish with a funny face.</p><p>After the aquarium, the family went out for a late lunch/early dinner. Hannah’s good mood finally began to wane as they ate their meal. She was growing irritated and fussy, and wanted nothing to do with the food her parents offered her.</p><p>James and Rose worked to keep her as calm as possible while the rest of the kids ate, then they called it a day and went back home. </p><p>Hannah remained fussy all evening. She napped fitfully in either James or Rose’s arms, and she only ate a little bit of her dinner. She ended up wearing most of her food, as she kept grabbing at the spoon and derailing it into her face rather than into her mouth.</p><p>As frustrating as it was, Rose allowed the baby to grab at the spoon and attempt to guide it into her mouth. </p><p>“You’re learning to feed yourself,” Rose praised, even as yet another spoonful of Hannah’s mushy dinner dripped down the baby’s neck. “Clever, clever girl.”</p><p>Hannah screamed when her mother took the spoon away.</p><p>“I’m loading it up with more food,” Rose said calmly.</p><p>Hannah grabbed it again and, this time, managed to guide it into her mouth. But before Rose could praise her, Hannah clamped down on the spoon and began gnawing on it, grinding her little jaw back and forth. The mushy food leaked down her chin but the baby didn’t seem to notice as she continued chewing on the spoon as though that had been her goal the entire time.</p><p>“Oh,” Rose breathed.</p><p>She grabbed a towel and wiped the baby’s face and mouth clean, then she forced Hannah’s mouth open. The baby squawked and squirmed away, but Rose held her firm. Through the goopy green baby food, Rose saw two small, hard knots on Hannah’s lower gums.</p><p>“Oh, sweetheart,” Rose said.</p><p>“What’s up?” James asked, carrying Maddie on his hip.</p><p>“Hannah’s bottom teeth are starting to come in.”</p><p>James stepped up to his baby and opened up her mouth. He ran a fingertip along her upper and lower gums. “Ah. So they are. No wonder she’s morphed into a little menace.”</p><p>“Which means Maddie probably will be starting to teethe soon too,” Rose said with a sigh.</p><p>James turned to the baby in his arms and popped open her mouth. She grinned at him, and a huge glob of drool dripped from her lips. He winced as the spit rolled onto his arm, then he rubbed his fingers over her gums as well.</p><p>“Oh. She’s got them, too,” James said.</p><p>Rose frowned and came up to them. She peeked into her daughter’s mouth and saw two hard, white lumps on Maddie’s lower gums.</p><p>“She’s further along than Hannah,” Rose said. “How have we not noticed?”</p><p>“Because my sweet Maddie-Waddie is a quiet little angel,” he crooned at the baby. “Aren’t you, darling?”</p><p>Maddie gurgled and beamed.</p><p>“But also, to be fair, she has been chewing more frequently on her toys,” James continued. “I’d just assumed she was in the beginning stages of it.”</p><p>“Her teeth have almost poked through,” Rose snapped, roughly sopping up the spit on his arm.</p><p>“Er… why are you upset?” he asked, blinking.</p><p>“Because I should have <em>realized</em>! If Hannah wasn’t making a fuss, I wouldn’t realize she was teething, so I wouldn’t have even checked Maddie. We almost missed our baby growing her first teeth because I didn’t bother to check on her.”</p><p>Rose knew her anger made absolutely no sense, which only made her angrier. James’s confusion also grated against her nerves. But, bless him, he just gave her a hug and kissed her temple.</p><p>“Well, we caught it,” he said soothingly. “Give yourself a break, love.”</p><p>Rose tucked her face into James’s chest and heaved a sigh. “Sorry. Sorry. I’ve gone mad, I think.”</p><p>He chuckled and kissed the top of her head. Then she felt little fingers tangling into her hair. She glanced over and saw Maddie fisting and unfisting her hands in her hair.</p><p>“Let’s not pull out all of Mummy’s hair, eh?” he suggested, gently guiding Maddie’s hands away. Maddie pouted, furrowing her little brow, before she reached out and grabbed his bottom lip. “Gentle, darling. Gentle. Want to see Daddy’s teeth? Take a look at these chompers.”</p><p>James bared his teeth with a mock-snarl, making Maddie collapse in a fit of giggled in his arms. Rose watched them fondly, before remembering the irate baby in the high chair. Hannah had returned to gnawing on the spoon. Concerned that she would split her gums open, Rose grabbed a more appropriate teething toy to give to Hannah.</p><p>“You’re a fabulous mummy, you know,” James said.</p><p>Heat unfurled through her cheeks and into her chest, and she couldn’t help but smile.</p><p>“Thanks. You’re a pretty great daddy, too, you know.”</p><p>“Well obviously. I’m <em>brilliant</em>.”</p><p>Rose snorted and playfully snapped a dish towel at his bum. He squealed and jumped, making Maddie laugh and bounce in his arms.</p><p>“I love parenting with you,” James said, grinning.</p><p>“I guess you’ll do,” Rose said, snapping him with the towel again.</p><p>“Stop that,” James whined.</p><p>“Make me.” She began winding up the towel to snap it at him again when he was suddenly in her personal space. The breath left her lungs as the length of his body pressed up against hers. His free arm wrapped around her hips, anchoring them to his.</p><p>“There,” he murmured, his voice slightly huskier than normal. “If I ask very, very nicely, will you please stop beating me?”</p><p>“I guess that depends on how nicely you ask,” she answered, her gaze dropping to his lips.</p><p>He bent his head down and nuzzled his nose against hers for a moment, his mouth hovering tantalizingly above her. Finally, he closed the gap and slotted his lips against hers. His lips were warm and soft, surrounding her bottom lip and giving it a little suck before he released them to give the same attention to her top lip.</p><p>Her knees wobbled and she had to brace her hands at his hips to steady herself. How, after all these years, could he still manage to melt her bones with a simple kiss?</p><p>“How’s that?” he asked, his breath whispering across her lips.</p><p>She tried to chase his mouth for another kiss. “I think you can do better.”</p><p>“Probably, but there are three children in our living room, one of whom is not ours.”</p><p>“Guess you’d better make it quick, then,” Rose countered.</p><p>James chuckled. “You don’t have to tell me twice.”</p><p>And he ducked down for another kiss.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you enjoyed this first chapter! If you did, drop me a comment to let me know. Comments from you all make my day, and they make me excited to work on the next chapters.</p>
<p>Remember to subscribe to this story/series if you want email notifications when I update.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rose and Ainsley have some girl chat.</p><p>Chapter Word Count: ~ 5400<br/>Chapter Rating: Teen</p><p>Slight trigger for minor character death (very minor character) and discussions of aging/loss at the end of the chapter.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Exciting news: I have officially surpassed one million words posted on AO3!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳</p><p>Ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the start of the chapter:<br/>James: 39<br/>Rose: 34<br/>Ainsley: 9<br/>Sianin: 6<br/>Twins: 5.5 months</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rose had forgotten how much she hated when her babies were teething. Hannah was inconsolably irritated for many hours of the day, and nothing she or James did seemed to help. They provided her with a multitude of hard, cold objects to chew and suck on to alleviate her discomfort. They gave the same teething toys to Maddie, but she wasn’t interested in them; she instead preferred softer textures. She was often found chewing on the arms and legs of her stuffed animals, or on any piece of cloth that was in reaching distance. James had turned around from doing the dishes one morning to find Maddie sitting in her high chair happily gnawing on a dish towel.</p><p>Within days of them realizing the twins were teething, Maddie’s first tooth broke through. James noticed it when he got the twins up one morning. She had smiled at him as he changed her nappy, and he saw a white, craggy tip peeking through her pink gums. He had carried her into their bedroom, where Rose was in the middle of a shower.</p><p>“First tooth!” he announced, yanking back the shower curtain and holding the baby out proudly to his wife. Maddie delighted in the spray of water, bouncing in his outstretched hands.</p><p>Rose rolled her eyes at her daft husband and ordered him out so she could finish her shower in peace. But as soon as she was dressed for the day, she inspected her baby’s first tooth, took a photo of it, and jotted the date into Maddie’s baby book.</p><p>They were hopeful that this meant Hannah would be following close behind, and that the baby’s discomfort would finally be gone. For as much as it broke their hearts to see Hannah in pain, it was exhausting trying to soothe the baby at all hours of the day and night whenever the pain flared up. Their nights had become interrupted once more whenever the pain awoke Hannah from sleep.</p><p>A bleary-eyed Rose walked Hannah around and around the house in the middle of the night, trying to soothe her daughter back to sleep. But Hannah wanted nothing to do with sleep, and she whimpered and cried in her mother’s arms.</p><p>“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” she whispered, bouncing the baby. “I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. It hurts growing those teeth, doesn’t it?”</p><p>Rose moved to the fridge for one of the teething toys. Hannah immediately began sucking on it and grinding her gums down on it.</p><p>“I’m sorry, baby,” Rose murmured, brushing kisses to Hannah’s forehead.</p><p>Rose wandered back into the living room, and sat on the rocking reclining chair. Her body was so heavy, she thought she might be able to fall asleep right there.</p><p>“Mum?”</p><p>She forced her eyes open and saw Ainsley standing at the entrance to the living room. “Is everything all right, sweetheart?”</p><p>Ainsley nodded and walked toward her mother. “I can’t sleep.”</p><p>“You and Hannah both.”</p><p>“Is she all right?”</p><p>“Yeah. Her teeth are a bit sore, is all.” Rose patted her thigh, encouraging Ainsley to climb into her lap. Though her daughter was nearly ten—<em>ten</em>, she thought with disbelief—Ainsley was so small that she easily fit in Rose’s lap. Part of her worried that Ainsley was so far behind in size compared to other kids her age, but the pediatrician claimed she was as healthy as any other child, and she might simply be a petite person.</p><p>“Is anything wrong? Are you feeling all right?” Rose brushed her fingers along Ainsley’s forehead, but her daughter’s temperature was fine. “Did Hannah wake you?”</p><p>“No, I’m all right, and no, she didn’t.” Ainsley nestled back into Rose’s arms, turning slightly to gaze at her baby sister, who was fiercely chewing on the cold ring. Drool ran down her chin and neck, soaking the collar of her onesie. “Do you like being a mum?”</p><p>Rose frowned. “Of course I do. Why do you ask?”</p><p>“I dunno. It seems like a lot of work, is all. I mean, you and Dad have <em>four</em> kids. And two babies, at that.”</p><p>“It is a lot of work,” Rose admitted, spinning the chew ring so Hannah could gnaw on a different frigid section. “And you and Sian only see about half of it.” She gestured to the baby for emphasis. “But I love it. How could I not, when I’ve got the four most wonderful, most <em>beautiful</em> babies in the world?”</p><p>Ainsley’s cheeks went pink, but she beamed. Rose pressed a kiss to the top of Ainsley’s head, then rested her cheek to her daughter’s hair.</p><p>“Being a mum is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It’s hard to remember back to life before I had kids. I cannot fathom not having you or your sisters in my life.” Confident that she could speak on James’s behalf, she added, “And neither could your dad. We love you all so very much. You and your sisters are our life’s greatest gifts.”</p><p>“Was it hard, going from two kids to four kids?”</p><p>“Not as hard as we’d expected,” Rose answered. “It helps that you and Sianin are much older. I’m sure it would be different if we’d had the twins several years ago, when Sianin was a baby or a toddler.”</p><p>“And how did you and Dad decide how many kids you wanted? Or when to have kids, for that matter? You were pretty young when I was born, weren’t you? Did you try to get pregnant, or was I an accident?”</p><p>“None of you were accidents,” Rose said, wrinkling her nose. “And even if you were, I don’t like that word. It makes it sound like you were a mistake. If there is anything in my life I will never regret, it’s having children.”</p><p>“But how did you know you were ready for kids?” Ainsley pressed. “B’cos I understand the parents whose babies were accidents. But you and Dad made a conscious decision to start having babies. And William’s mums… they had to go through this whole long process to have a baby. So how do you know when you’re ready?”</p><p>Rose’s head was spinning. “Where are all these questions coming from?”</p><p>Ainsley shrugged, dropping her gaze to the floor. Rose smoothed her fingers over the ends of Ainsley’s hair, then touched her daughter’s chin to get her to look at her. “I’m very happy you’re comfortable asking me these questions. I’m merely curious, is all. This is a pretty heavy conversation for two in the morning.”</p><p>Her daughter shrugged again, but then murmured, so quietly it was nearly inaudible, “I think I’d like to be a mum someday.”</p><p>That gave Rose pause. When she was nine, having children was the last thing on her mind. To be fair though, Rose hadn’t been around children much as a child; hardly any of her friends had had younger siblings. But Ainsley… </p><p>“I think you’d make a great mum,” Rose said gently. And she would. Ainsley was wonderful with her little siblings, and she had so much love in her heart. It was all too easy for Rose to imagine her daughter all grown up and with a brood of children of her own. But at the same time, Ainsley was still her baby girl, just a child. “But not for fifty years, at least, yeah?”</p><p>Ainsley snorted and pulled back so Rose could see her face, then she stuck her tongue out at her mother. Rose stuck her tongue out in reply, before they both dissolved into giggles.</p><p>When their laughter subsided, Ainsley said, “So… how did you know you wanted more babies? I dunno if I want four kids, but I think I’d want more than one. But it sounds like it would be hard to know when to have another. And how do you make that decision without feeling like you’re unhappy with the baby you already have?”</p><p>Rose chewed on the inside of her cheek as she thought. She couldn’t remember how she knew she wanted another baby after Ainsley. She’d been so happy and in love with her baby, and it was as if she woke up one day and knew she wanted to do it all again.</p><p>“I just… had a feeling,” Rose said. “I had a chat with your dad, and he felt the same way, so we began trying for another baby. That does <em>not</em> mean we were dissatisfied with you. Your dad and I loved you with our entire heart; you changed our lives for the better, and we hoped to be lucky to experience all of that again. It’s indescribable, the love a parent has for their child. It’s intoxicating. And not only that—I fell more in love with your dad when he became a dad. Watching him with you and your sisters…”</p><p>Rose trailed off, her cheeks heating as she realized she was revealing far too much to her child. Clearing her throat, she got back on track. “We also had the means to support another baby. When the time comes, make sure you have an open and honest conversation with your partner. That’s the key, Ainsley. Not only with deciding to have more kids, but in every aspect of a relationship. Communication is key.”</p><p>“What if they’re not ready for a baby? Or they don’t agree with me? You and Dad always seem to agree on everything.”</p><p>Rose smirked. “Definitely not. Your dad and I have fights and disagreements.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Yes, really. Fighting doesn’t mean we’re yelling at each other, love. Although, unfortunately, that does happen sometimes. You can have a fight without ever raising your voice. You should try to avoid getting to the point of yelling. A discussion usually goes better than a screaming match. Whenever your dad and I find ourselves raising our voices, we try to take a small time out.”</p><p>Ainsley leaned her head against Rose’s shoulder and said, “I want to find love like you and Dad have. It seems so… perfect.”</p><p>Rose absently rocked her daughter back and forth. “It’s not always perfect. Relationships are very hard. Both of us need to be willing to work at it and we need to be willing to compromise. One person can’t be pulling all the weight. Your dad and I are partners and equals, and we share the responsibilities and hardships as much as the joy and the love. And he’s my best friend. I don’t just love him, I love <em>being with</em> him. I want to spend my time with him, talking with him. Like he loves spending time and talking with me.”</p><p>“It’s really cool how in love you and Dad are,” Ainsley confessed, keeping her face tucked into Rose’s neck. “A lot of my friends’ parents aren’t like that. And it’s just… it’s nice to see.”</p><p>A flicker of pride shot through Rose that she and James could be good role models for their children. She wanted her children to have every happiness in life, and if she could show them the joy that came from being in a romantic relationship with a genuine partner and best friend, then she would consider it a job well done, on her part and James’s.</p><p>Suddenly exhausted, Rose leaned her head back and rocked the recliner gently, though she glanced down at the baby in her arms when she realized how quiet she’d gotten. Hannah had finally fallen asleep, the teething ring still in her mouth. She idly sucked on it as she let out little grunts and snores.</p><p>“She’s a beautiful baby,” Ainsley said, seeing where her mum’s attention had gone.</p><p>“Yeah, she is. You’re beautiful, too.” Ainsley grimaced, and Rose’s heart clenched. “You are, Ainsley.”</p><p>“I’ve started my awkward years,” she said wistfully.</p><p>Rose blinked. “Your awkward years?”</p><p>“Between child and adult,” Ainsley clarified. “My teeth are too big for my mouth and face, and my body is growing disproportionately and…” She sighed. “Just wait ‘til I get teenage acne.”</p><p>“If you do, I’ll try and help you clear it up,” Rose promised. “No matter what, you’re beautiful.”</p><p>“You're a tad biased,” Ainsley said dryly.</p><p>“Pfff, as your father would put it, I am the pinnacle of impartiality.”</p><p>Ainsley giggled, and leaned further into her mother’s arms. Rose tightened her hold around Ainsley’s waist; they so rarely cuddled like this anymore.</p><p>“You know you’re approaching puberty, right?” Rose asked quietly.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Your body will start changing. You’ll begin to grow breasts and…”</p><p>“<em>Mu-uuuum</em>,” Ainsley groaned, her body tensing.</p><p>“Sorry, but I want to make sure you’re prepared. And for you to know you can come to me with any questions you have about the process. No matter how awkward or embarrassing. I went through the exact same thing. You can talk to your dad, too.”</p><p>Ainsley snorted. “Yeah, that’ll go well. ‘Hi, Dad! I’ve got boobs now!’ He’ll choke on his tongue.”</p><p>Rose laughed under her breath, already able to picture James’s deer-in-the-headlights expression. “Yeah, but he’ll do anything he can to help you. You know that.”</p><p>“I know. But it doesn’t mean it’s not an uncomfortable thing to talk to your dad about, though.”</p><p>Rose had no reply. She’d only had her mum to talk to during the puberty stage. And even then, she had tried to figure it all out herself.</p><p>“You better be around when I get my period for the first time,” Ainsley warned. “I love Dad, I really do, but I can’t imagine going to him with that.”</p><p>Chuckling, Rose answered, “I can’t see why I wouldn’t be around. Unless it happened while you were at school.”</p><p>“Don’t jinx it!”</p><p>“If it does, go to the nurse and have them call me,” Rose soothed. “I’ll be right there. However, if, for some reason I’m not available and you have to go to your dad, I know he’ll handle it brilliantly. He is more than capable, and he is well aware that menstruation is a natural part of a woman’s body.”</p><p>“It’s still weird,” Ainsley muttered.</p><p>“Yeah, it probably will be. But it’ll turn out all right.” Rose pressed a long kiss to Ainsley’s hair. “D’you think you can go back to sleep? It’s getting rather late.”</p><p>“Maybe,” Ainsley said. “I haven’t been able to fall asleep at all yet.”</p><p>“Is there something on your mind? Something worrying you?”</p><p>Ainsley raised a shoulder. “Dunno. I… I feel a bit restless.”</p><p>Rose frowned at her child, then pressed a long kiss to Ainsley’s temple. Ainsley, recognizing the gesture, slid off of her mother’s lap. Rose stood up off the chair, careful not to disturb Hannah.</p><p>“Can you turn off the kitchen light for me?” </p><p>Ainsley nodded and dutifully flicked the switch. The only light now came from the dim hallway night light. It took half a minute before Rose’s eyes adjusted, but she then rested her hand on the small of Ainsley’s back and guided her down the hall.</p><p>Rather than peel off into her own bedroom, Ainsley accompanied Rose into the nursery. Rose didn’t dare kiss her baby goodnight, no matter how much she longed to, and instead set Hannah as gently as she could into the crib.</p><p>“Goodnight, sweetheart,” Rose whispered, tugging a thin blanket over her child. Despite it being the height of summer, the night air was cool from the open window.</p><p>She then peeked into Maddie’s crib. She was dead asleep, with her dummy sitting several inches away from her fisted hand and her blanket bunched at the end of the mattress. Rose fixed the blanket, then stepped away from her babies. Ainsley was leaning against the end of Maddie’s crib, watching.</p><p>“Time for bed,” Rose said quietly, gesturing to Ainsley to follow her out of the nursery. When they were back in the hallway, she asked, “D’you want to sleep with me and Dad tonight?”</p><p>Ainsley shook her head. “I don’t want to keep you up. I’ll be okay.”</p><p>Rose followed Ainsley into her bedroom, tucking her into bed once more. Rose crouched by her daughter’s head and slowly stroked Ainsley’s hair, hoping the motions would make her drowsy. Ainsley sighed and nuzzled into the touch.</p><p>“Thanks for talking with me tonight,” she murmured.</p><p>“Anytime,” Rose answered, pressing a kiss to Ainsley’s forehead.</p><p>“You’re a really great mum,” Ainsley said, curling into a tight ball and tucking her face into her sheets.</p><p>Rose’s heart swelled several sizes too big, and tears inexplicably burned her eyes. She kissed Ainsley again, and wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed beside her child and hold her tightly.</p><p>“Thank you,” she rasped. “You’re a really great daughter.”</p><p>“G’night, Mum.”</p><p>“Sweet dreams,” Rose said, giving Ainsley one last kiss. “If you change your mind, our door is open. You can sleep with us any time.”</p><p>Ainsley hummed but didn’t reply otherwise.</p><p>“Sweet dreams,” Rose repeated, then she stood and exited Ainsley’s bedroom.</p><p>She shut the door behind her, then walked to Sianin’s door. She opened it and peered in. Sianin was asleep on her belly, her blankets tugged almost over her head, cocooning her from view. Rose’s heart squeezed, and she smiled to herself and backed out of the room.</p><p>James had fallen back to sleep in the hour that had passed since Hannah first awoke them. He had taken her pillow and curled up with it, hugging it tightly to his chest as his legs splayed across her side of the bed.</p><p>“Mattress hog,” she muttered fondly.</p><p>Since he was practically already on her side of the bed anyway, Rose crawled into bed behind her husband. She rested her head on the edge of the pillow he was using, then curled her body around his, spooning him. It was nice to be the big spoon, for once. James usually liked to curl himself around her.</p><p>He sighed at the contact, his body unconsciously leaning into hers even in sleep. She smiled and pressed a kiss to his back before she closed her eyes and tried to drift off to sleep.</p><p>Sleep didn’t come as easily as she hoped. Her mind was full of Ainsley, wondering if her daughter had managed to fall asleep and wondering what might be bothering her enough to cause her to be so restless. She then wondered if she should have tried talking with Ainsley longer, to see if she would eventually admit what was on her mind. Or if she should have stayed with Ainsley and slept with her. Perhaps her presence would have soothed her daughter enough to sleep.</p><p>She stirred at every slightest noise, wondering if it was Ainsley coming to sleep with them, or if Hannah was up again. She awoke any time James shifted positions, jealous that he seemed to be sleeping so soundly.</p><p>She must have fallen into a sort of deep sleep, because when she next opened her eyes, they were gritty and her mind was fuzzy. James was moving in her arms, rolling over. She blinked blearily until he came into focus. His hair was mussed and his eyes were glazed, but he smiled sleepily when he saw her.</p><p>“Mornin’,” he croaked, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to her lips.</p><p>“Hi,” she whispered, hugging the blankets closer to her chest. Without his warm body, the cool breeze from the open window sent a small chill through her.</p><p>“You’re on the wrong side,” he observed.</p><p>He stretched out his legs until they rested against hers. Rose absently ran her toes up and down his shin.</p><p>“You invaded my side in the first place,” she teased.</p><p>He furrowed his brows.</p><p>“When I came back from tending to Hannah,” Rose clarified.</p><p>His frown deepened. “Hannah woke up last night?”</p><p>Rose chuckled. “You don’t remember?”</p><p>When they’d heard whimpering from the baby monitor the night before, James had groaned and rolled over into her side of the bed, tucking his face into her neck and wrapping his arm around her middle.</p><p>“Nighty night, baby,” he had mumbled, his voice slurred and thick with exhaustion.</p><p>Rose had crawled out of bed when the baby’s cries became more distressed.</p><p>“No,” James answered, scrubbing his hand along the back of his neck. “Blimey. I’m sorry. Was she up long?”</p><p>“Maybe a half hour,” Rose said. “But then Ainsley was up.”</p><p>Rose summarized her conversation with their eldest the night before.</p><p>“Is she all right?” he asked, looking as though he were going to launch himself out of bed to go to Ainsley.</p><p>“I think so,” Rose said, reaching between them for his hand. “She’ll come talk to us if she wants to. Don’t push it, James.”</p><p>“What had her so worried that she couldn’t sleep?” he asked, his body nearly vibrating with tension.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Rose said. “It might have been nothing. Maybe her brain wouldn’t shut down. She was quite curious about babies and parenthood. Maybe her mind fixated on it. Or maybe she couldn’t sleep for no reason at all. Everyone has nights like that occasionally. I told her that you and I are always here when she needs us. We have to trust she’ll come talk to us on her own. I don’t want to force her to talk, James. Please promise me you won’t hound her today.”</p><p>“I never <em>hound</em>,” he grumbled.</p><p>Though he assured Rose he wouldn’t pester Ainsley, James’s mind worked on how he could subtly figure out if anything was bothering his eldest.</p><p>Rose, of course, figured out what he was doing and distracted him with a rather marvelous kiss. She rolled until she was half on top of him and caught his lips in a slow and lazy kiss that drove everything else out of his mind.</p><p>James groaned and settled on his back, urging Rose to straddle him. She rested her forearms on either side of his head as she leaned down and caught his lips in kiss after kiss.</p><p>“I love you,” she murmured into his mouth.</p><p>Chills of pleasure rippled down his spine; not arousal, but rather the deep, all-consuming joy of knowing he was wholly and eternally loved by the woman in his arms.</p><p>“I love you, too.” He stuck his hands beneath her sleep shirt to explore the smooth, soft expanse of her sleep-warmed back. “So much, Rose.”</p><p>They spent many long minutes exploring each other’s mouths until they were broken apart by the sounds of one of the babies sneezing through the baby monitor. Rose laughed, and they remained quiet for several seconds to see if that baby woke up.</p><p>When nothing else came through the monitor, Rose curled up against James’s chest, seemingly content to stay there.</p><p>“We should think about getting up,” he mumbled, even though he never wanted to move again. The warm weight of Rose atop him was soothing.</p><p>“Mmm,” she said, snuggling closer. He smiled and wrapped his arms around her. “Wanna share a shower?”</p><p>James paused. They’d been snogging leisurely for a quarter of an hour, and yet…  “Ehm. I’m- I’m not really in the mood to, y’know, do stuff. Sorry. I mean, if you are I can, with my hands, but…”</p><p>“We don’t have to do anything except wash ourselves,” Rose promised, pecking a kiss to the underside of his jaw.</p><p>“You sure?” he asked, guilty.</p><p>“I promise,” she said. “I just thought it might be nice to get naked together.”</p><p>James snorted, his guilt ebbing. “I am always game to get naked with you.”</p><p>He planted a kiss to her forehead, then tugged the blankets away from their bodies to slide out of bed. They stripped out of their pajamas then took turns using the toilet before hopping into the shower.</p><p>They hadn’t shared a shower in ages, especially a shower in which no sexual intimacy was expected. Sometimes they used showering as an excuse for a quickie; rarely was it full sex, since that was a bit dangerous with the slippery floor, but a quick release using hands and mouths.</p><p>But James had to admit it was nice to share a non-sexy shower. He always loved seeing his wife naked, and knew she appreciated the view of him as well. Though his body responded to a wet and naked Rose rubbing up against him, James wasn’t in the mood to do anything with it, and knew it would go away on its own.</p><p>After they were clean, they stood entwined beneath the hot cascade of water, just holding each other. They rocked slowly from side to side, basking in the intimacy.</p><p>“This is nice,” he murmured into her ear. “Why don’t we do this more often?”</p><p>“Kids,” she grunted, hugging him closer.</p><p>“Hmm. We ought to do something about that.”</p><p>Rose pinched his bum, making him squeal and squirm. </p><p>They stayed under the spray until their fingers turned pruny, then they got out, dried themselves, and dressed in comfy clothes.</p><p>None of the children were awake when they emerged from their bedroom. A quick peek into the nursery showed them that Hannah and Maddie were peacefully asleep, and neither of their eldest children had stirred yet. While it wasn’t unusual for Sianin to sleep in on the weekends, Ainsley was usually up by the time they were. But with how late she’d been up the night before, Rose and James thought it best to let her sleep in, too.</p><p>They took advantage of the morning without the interruption of the kids. They grabbed the baby monitor and moved to the back garden to sit in the weak morning sunshine, drinking their coffee and tea in peace.</p><p>“God, this is nice,” Rose said as she slouched in her chair and propped her feet on James’s thighs.</p><p>He hummed through a sip of coffee, then set the mug on the table and massaged her feet. She purred and slunk bonelessly into her seat. He smiled at her. He loved his children more than anything, but he couldn’t deny that he missed being able to spend time solely with his wife.</p><p>“It’s a bit odd that they’re all still asleep, innit?” James mused, digging his thumbs into the arch of her foot.</p><p>“Don’t care.”</p><p>“Pfff. You will if they’re all dead in their beds.”</p><p>Rose poked her foot into his stomach. “Well, one of the twins sneezed, so at least one is still alive.”</p><p>“Oh, well, that’s all right, then.”</p><p>As the time crept closer to eight, James began to wonder when this peace would be interrupted. He kept glancing at the baby monitor, sure that it would soon light up with the sounds of the twins’ crying, that he jumped when his phone rang with an incoming call. Upon seeing <em>Donna McAvoy</em> flash on the screen, he accepted the call.</p><p>“Hey Donna, what’s up?”</p><p>“N-not D-D-D-D…”</p><p>James’s heart sank as Donna’s husband blew out a frustrated breath as he tried and failed to get the word out. Over the years that he had known Lee, his stammer had gotten exponentially better, though he still had lapses when he was flustered or upset. Immediately, James could think of only one thing that would make Lee this upset: earlier this month, Donna had announced that she was pregnant with her and Lee’s second child. Had something happened? Had Donna lost the baby?</p><p>“Lee, is everything all right?” he asked, releasing Rose’s foot and sitting up straighter in his chair.</p><p>He cast Rose a worried look. Her face fell and she, too, sat up in her chair. She scooted closer so that she could reach over and thread her fingers through his. He squeezed her hand as he waited for Lee to continue speaking.</p><p>“I-I-I’ve got some b-b-bad n-news,” Lee said shakily. </p><p>“Oh, no,” James murmured under his breath. “Donna… the baby…?”</p><p>“N-no,” Lee interrupted. “N-no, they’re fine. B-b-but Sylvia… she p-p-passed away. Yesterday, we think. M-m-massive heart at-attack.”</p><p>James blinked, not quite processing the words. That… had not been what he was expecting. Sylvia had passed away?</p><p>“Oh. Oh, Lee, I am so sorry,” he breathed.</p><p>Rose’s face crumpled as she clapped a hand to her mouth. She sniffled and whispered, “The baby?”</p><p>James shook his head and mouthed, “Sylvia… heart attack.”</p><p>He then returned his attention to Lee. “Is there anything I can do for you and Donna and Wilf? Can I bring you anything? Do you need me to help make any phone calls? Any preparations?”</p><p>“N-no, we’ve got it c-c-covered,” he said. “B-but thank you.”</p><p>“Please let us know if you need anything,” James said. “Anything at all.”</p><p>“W-will do. W-we’ll l-let you kn-know when the f-f-f-f…” Lee sighed and skipped to the end of the word. “...eral is.”</p><p>“Thank you. I am so sorry for your loss. Will you pass along my condolences to Donna?” James asked. “And please. If you need us to take Joshua for a few hours, or overnight, or anytime, let us know. He’s more than welcome to stay with us if you need.”</p><p>“Th-thanks, but D-D-Donna needs him. She hasn’t l-let him g-g-go and w-won’t let anyone help with him.”</p><p>James nodded in understanding. If his father had suddenly passed away, he would want to cling to his children and his wife as tightly as he could. The same had happened when his mum died—he had wanted Rose and no one else.</p><p>He ended the call shortly thereafter, and James turned to Rose, half numb and trying to process what had just happened. Silent tears streamed down her cheeks, and he folded her into his arms. The angle was slightly awkward until Rose stood and perched on his lap. He clutched her tighter and buried his face in her chest.</p><p>He and Sylvia hadn’t been particularly close, but she was family. She had been in relatively good health, and now she was just… gone.</p><p>A band of pressure constricted around his chest. Sylvia was younger than his father. Only by a couple years, but all the same, she had been younger. If she had passed at the age of sixty-six, what did that mean for his father, who was seventy? Or Wilf, who was ninety-three. Or his grandmother, who was ninety-six? How much longer did they have?</p><p>A lump lodged in his throat and tears burned his eyes. He wasn’t ready for this. How had his family gotten so… <em>old</em>? How had time gone by so fast? Hell, he himself was turning forty in a couple months. He and Rose would be old and gray before he could blink. Oh, God, what would happen if he lost her first?</p><p>“Breathe,” said a quiet voice in his ear. “James, breathe.”</p><p>“I am,” he rasped, though the burning in his lungs told him otherwise.</p><p>“It’s been at least ten seconds since I heard you inhale. Breathe. Now.”</p><p>He pushed out any air that was left in his lungs and then inhaled deeply, surrounded by the smell of Rose. His head wobbled at the sudden influx of oxygen; he quickly panted out the breath.</p><p>“Again,” she commanded calmly, stroking her fingers through his hair. “Try and hold it in for a bit longer this time.”</p><p>He did. Again and again he breathed deeply until his head wasn’t swimming and his vision wasn’t pulsing.</p><p>“Sorry,” he said, his cheeks burning. </p><p>“You don’t have to apologize.”</p><p>“I didn’t even realize I wasn’t breathing.”</p><p>“That’s why you’ve got me,” she said simply, nudging her shoulder into his. “Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p>He scoffed. “Isn’t it obvious?”</p><p>She continued petting his hair before hedging, “I didn’t think you were that fond of Sylvia to warrant this reaction.”</p><p>“No. But when I think about how old Sylvia is compared to my dad, and all of our other family, and how I’m almost twenty years away from being in my sixties and…” He held her close as his heart began to race. “I feel like a naive child for hoping my family will live forever. It’s stupid.”</p><p>“Not naive,” Rose said. “Not stupid. Just a man who loves his family with his whole heart.”</p><p>She pressed a kiss to his temple and they sat together for a few more minutes.</p><p>The phone call shattered the lovely morning he and Rose were having, and the silence was further broken by one of the twins crying from the baby monitor. They hugged each other one more time, then went back into the house to care for their children.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Not to beg for comments, but if you read and enjoyed this chapter, please let me know. Comments keep me excited to keep posting this story 💜</p><p>Remember to subscribe to this story/series or to me if you want email notifications when I update.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Tyler-McCrimmons attend a funeral, and James and Rose comfort each other afterwards.</p><p>Chapter Word Count: ~ 9700 (oops! This chapter got away from me a bit 😂)</p><p>Chapter Rating: Explicit</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the start of the chapter:<br/>James: 39<br/>Rose: 34<br/>Ainsley: 9<br/>Sianin: 6<br/>Twins: almost 6 months</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Breaking the news of Sylvia’s death to Ainsley and Sianin—when they eventually woke up—was an uncomfortable affair. While neither child had been close to Sylvia, it was still the first experience either of them had with a family member dying. At least one that they remembered. Ainsley seemed a little stunned, while Sianin was full of questions, wanting to know what happened, how Sylvia died, why Sylvia died, where she had died, who had found her, et cetera.</p><p>James’s patience wore thin as he and Rose tried to succinctly answer Sianin’s questions even though they hardly had any information. They also tried to explain that those sorts of questions were inappropriate, but to their dismay, the lesson wasn’t sinking in.</p><p>Later that day, Lee texted them with the details of the funeral, which would be held in a few days at a church in Chiswick. Incidentally, that happened to be the day James and the eldest girls were scheduled for their semi-annual dentist appointment; Sianin was ecstatic when her parents explained that they would have to reschedule.</p><p>“You’re missing the dentist to attend a funeral,” James said through clenched teeth. “That is <em>not</em> something to be happy about, Sian.”</p><p>Sianin rolled her eyes at him, causing his anger to flare. “<em>Anything</em> is better than the dentist, Daddy.”</p><p>“We’re going to a <em>funeral</em>!” he shouted, and he could barely feel sorry for the way Sianin’s entire body went tense. “We’re going to a <em>funeral</em>, Sianin. Don’t you understand? Sylvia has <em>died</em>, and you’re bloody pleased that you’re missing a teeth cleaning? What is wrong…?” He drew in a deep breath before continuing in a quieter shout. “What if it was your grandad? Hmm? Would you be excited to attend <em>his</em> funeral? Or what about your gran? Or me or your mum? How about one of your sisters? One of your soulmates? Would you be excited to be missing a dentist appointment to attend <em>their</em> funeral?”</p><p>A loud wail broke through his tirade. His heart clenched and fell into his stomach as he watched Sianin’s face turn red and crumple. She spun away from him and sprinted into the kitchen, screaming for her mother.</p><p>“Daddy… yelled… at… me,” he heard Sianin sob brokenly. “He… hurt… my… feelings!”</p><p><em>Fuck.</em> His eyes burned with irritation, both at himself and his six-year-old. Part of James hated himself for losing his temper and making his child cry; the other part of him was deeply concerned about Sianin’s reaction. Had he and Rose utterly failed as parents if Sianin had no sympathy or compassion about the death of a family member?</p><p><em>Fuck</em>, he growled again. He rubbed the heels of his hands into his eyes. He needed air.</p><p>Unwilling to leave Rose in charge of four kids by herself, especially when one of them was already distraught, James packed up the twins into their pram. He jotted a quick message to Rose on his arm, letting her know he’d taken the babies and was going out for a walk.</p><p>“Can I come?” </p><p>James glanced up and saw Ainsley in the foyer, wringing her hands.</p><p>“Sure,” he mumbled.</p><p>In the time it took for Ainsley to slip her shoes on, James had successfully buckled each twin into the pram. They were thrilled with the prospect of a walk, and were shrieking with delight and impatience.</p><p>Neither James or Ainsley spoke at first, content to simply walk beneath the thick layer of clouds that threatened rain. After five minutes, though, James felt a small arm wrap around his waist. He slowed his pace and adjusted his grip on the buggy so that he could return Ainsley’s one-armed side hug.</p><p>“I love you, Ains.” He kissed the top of her head. “I’m so sorry I shouted at your sister.”</p><p>“You didn’t say anything that was untrue,” Ainsley said, shrugging.</p><p>“I didn’t need to shout it, though. I don’t like raising my voice at any of you, and I shouldn’t have raised it at Sianin. I’m sorry.”</p><p>Ainsley squeezed his hips, but remained silent.</p><p>“Are you feeling all right about all of this?” he asked. He had to take his arm away from her, since steering one-handed was difficult and tiring.</p><p>“I dunno,” Ainsley said softly. “I don’t really know how I feel.”</p><p>“That’s okay,” he promised. “I you want to talk to me or your mum, we…”</p><p>“Can we just… not talk right now?” she asked. “Please?”</p><p>“Of course, darling.”</p><p>They spent the remainder of their half-hour walk in silence, broken only by the jabbering babies or passersby who cooed down at them. James wanted to be polite, but he wasn’t in the mood to chat with any of the neighbors about his kids. Thankfully, impending rain gave him a good excuse to get away from people quickly.</p><p>It had started drizzling by the time they made it home.</p><p>“Thanks for accompanying me,” James said as Ainsley helped him lift the pram up the step and into the house. </p><p>Ainsley flashed him a small smile before retreating down the hall to her bedroom. A moment later, a small voice called out, “Daddy?”</p><p>Sianin stood at the entryway to the kitchen, Rose standing behind her. Sianin slowly walked towards him, her arms out. He crouched down to her height and readily accepted and reciprocated her hug.</p><p>“I’m sorry I upset you, Daddy,” she whispered, nuzzling into his neck. “I’m really, really sorry. I didn’t mean to be insensitive.”</p><p>“Did Mummy have a chat with you about why I was upset?” he asked, giving her a tight squeeze.</p><p>“Yeah. M’sorry.”</p><p>“I forgive you.” He kissed the top of her head, then pulled back to look her in the eye. “I’m very sorry I shouted at you.”</p><p>“I forgive you,” she said with a grin. She pecked a kiss to his lips then stepped out of his arms and went to the living room to play.</p><p>James sighed to himself, then worked on unbuckling the twins from their pram.</p><p>“Hey, you.” Rose came up beside him and bumped her hip into his.</p><p>“Hey.” He hoisted both babies into his arms while Rose folded up the pram and slipped it into the closet by the front door. “I hope you saw my message and didn’t think the rest of the kids had been abducted.”</p><p>“I actually thought maybe you’d lost your marbles and abducted them to run away with them forever.”</p><p>James snorted, a fraction of his sullen mood easing.</p><p>“Since you decided to return, I’ve got some laundry to fold, if you’d like to help.” She jerked her head meaningfully down the hall. <em>Let’s go somewhere away from the kids to talk.</em></p><p>He nodded, and followed her down the hall. There actually <em>was</em> laundry to fold. He set the babies on the bed, but, as James expected, Rose didn’t look at the mound of clothes heaped atop their bed.</p><p>“You okay?” she asked.</p><p>“Yeah. Sorry. I’m sorry I yelled at her. I just… she just…”</p><p>“She was insensitive. I get it. I was annoyed with her too. I tried to explain why you were upset with her, but I’m not sure how much of it she understands. Keep in mind, she’s only six. Death and grief are sort of abstract concepts for her.”</p><p>“I know, I know. But it… it hurts to hear her speak so callously. It’s like it’s a failure on our part.”</p><p>“She’s still little,” Rose repeated. “She’ll get there.”</p><p>“It feels like we never had to worry about Ainsley saying any of this stuff when she was Sianin’s age. It’s like… Ainsley <em>understands</em> emotions and social graces. She <em>gets it</em>. But no matter what we do, Sianin doesn’t. It was fine when she was littler, but it seems like she ought to have that verbal filter by now, and she just… doesn’t.”</p><p>“They’re two different people, love,” Rose said gently. “You can’t expect Sianin to behave like Ainsley. It’s not healthy for us to expect her to behave like her sister. Remember what a mess it was when we wanted her to react to the twins the same way Ainsley did?”</p><p>James looked at the two babies on the bed. They were curiously sifting through the mound of clothes and waving socks around in their fat little fists.</p><p>“Yeah, I remember.” It had broken his heart that Sianin had seemed indifferent towards the twins. He loved his children more than anything in the world, and he wanted all of his kids to get along with each other. So when Sianin seemed to resent the twins’ presence, especially after the grief he and Rose went through with trying to conceive them, it had been frustrating and upsetting.</p><p>“She’ll get there,” Rose promised. “She might take a bit longer to understand emotions and empathy, but she’ll eventually learn the appropriate responses.”</p><p>Rose gave him a kiss on the cheek before beginning to fold the laundry on their bed.</p><p>oOoOo</p><p>Over the next few days, James and Rose tried to prepare the girls for the funeral as best they could. They explained that there would be a lot of people there, especially family members, but that those family members would probably be very sad. Especially Donna and Wilf. They also explained that Sylvia’s body would probably be at the church, but it was only that: a body.</p><p>“It will look like she’s sleeping, but she isn’t,” James said. “She won’t wake up. And she might look a little bit weird, but it’s normal.”</p><p>On the morning of the funeral, James and Rose packed all the kids into the car and drove into London, where they would be dropping off the twins with Jackie, before they continued on to Chiswick.</p><p>They got to the church with twenty minutes to spare before the memorial service. Dozens of people were already congregated in the church, gathering in clusters to reminisce and grieve, while others stood in the line to greet Donna, Lee, and Wilf at the front of the church. Sylvia’s open casket was beside them, and James could just barely make out her body. His throat tightened and a cold sweat beaded across his forehead and beneath his arms.</p><p>Rose gave his hand a quick, comforting squeeze.</p><p>“We don’t have to go up to see Sylvia,” Rose told the kids, “but we should go say hi to Auntie Donna, Uncle Lee, and Grandpa Wilf. They’re feeling a bit sad and could use a big hug.”</p><p>They joined the small queue of people, and a couple minutes later, they were in front of Donna. Tears burned behind James’s eyes when he saw her; she looked awful. Her face was pale except for the shadows beneath her eyes. </p><p>Donna’s face crumpled as soon as she saw him, and his feet automatically carried him forward. He held open his arms for her and hugged her tightly, resting his cheek in her hair as she sobbed.</p><p>“Shh,” he murmured, stroking her back. “You’ll be okay. You’ll be all right. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“I can’t believe she’s gone,” Donna rasped, her body trembling. “I can’t believe… I never got to say I’m sorry.”</p><p>James frowned, not sure what Donna was talking about. He instead gave her a squeeze and kissed the side of her head, rocking her slowly.</p><p>“I never got to say I’m sorry,” she whimpered. “For any of it… for keeping Joshua away from her. For not telling her about the new baby… I never got to say goodbye.”</p><p>Tears clogged James’s throat as his heart broke for her. He had completely forgotten that Donna and Sylvia had had a falling out right around the time the twins were born.</p><p>“Oh, Donna,” he breathed. “I am so sorry.”</p><p>“It bloody figures,” Donna hiccupped. “One of the last things I said is she’s a heartless arse… then she had a heart attack… proof she had a heart…”</p><p>Donna dissolved into nearly-hysterical sobs, and James was helpless to do anything but hug her harder. He glanced over at Lee who looked utterly stricken, then to Wilf who was red-eyed and weeping into a handkerchief. His stomach rolled—how excruciating was it for a father to outlive his daughter? It wasn’t right for a parent to see their child die. What state would he himself be in if he were alive to see any of his children predecease him? Oh, God, and what agony would it be if one of his children passed young, from accident or illness?</p><p>He thought he might be sick, so James focused his attention on Donna.</p><p>“Breathe. Just breathe. You’ll be all right. Breathe.”</p><p>It took close to a full minute before Donna’s sobs quieted.</p><p>“I don’t know how you did this,” she confessed. “When your mum… how did you do this? How did you face everyone and keep it together? I want to go home and never leave again.”</p><p>“Keep in mind I wasn’t a hormonal pregnant woman,” he teased, desperate for anything to get her to feel marginally better. But he knew that nothing would be able to make today better for Donna. James didn’t remember much from his own mother’s funeral, but he knew he’d felt like he was on the cusp of drowning. And he remembered Rose. She had been his rock as he grieved and raged at the loss of his mum.</p><p>Donna let out a watery laugh, and she pulled back a fraction. Her eyes were red and swollen as she brushed her fingers under them.</p><p>“I promise it will get better,” he said quietly. “I know it doesn’t feel like it will. And…” He paused, considering. “And it will never be normal again. Everything’s changed. This is a huge loss and you’ll never quite be over it. But it gets better. It gets easier. I promise.”</p><p>Donna’s tears started up again, but they were silent this time, more controlled. She dabbed her nose and eyes with a tissue.</p><p>“You know, you’re the only person who could’ve said that and I’d believe them,” Donna said.</p><p>“It gets easier,” he repeated. “And I know you’re sick of hearing this, but I really am sorry for your loss.”</p><p>Donna snorted. “If I never hear that phrase again, it’ll be too soon.” She inhaled deeply. “Thank you for coming.”</p><p>“Of course,” he said, offering her a half smile.</p><p>Realizing they’d been holding up the line for several minutes, he moved on to greet Lee and Wilf. James’s heart pounded uncomfortably as Wilf’s tears dampened his collar; he did everything he could to not think about his children prematurely lying in a coffin.</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” was all he was able to choke out.</p><p>James kept his back to the coffin as he watched his family give hugs to the three grieving people. He wasn’t sure how they would react to seeing Sylvia’s body, and so he made sure to position himself in front of her so they didn’t accidentally see her before they were ready.</p><p>Ainsley immediately refused to go any farther.</p><p>“I don’t want to see her,” she sniffled. Her cheeks were pale and tears were steadily leaking down her cheeks.  “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“You have nothing to be sorry for,” James said.</p><p>“Let’s go find somewhere to sit,” Rose suggested. “Don’t look, love. Just turn around and walk to the back of the church. I’ll meet you there in a minute.”</p><p>Ainsley nodded.</p><p>Sianin meanwhile, had edged around her parents to peek curiously at the altar. </p><p>“You don’t have to see her, either,” James reminded.</p><p>“Sylvia isn’t there anymore,” Sianin said, parroting the phrase James and Rose had been telling her for the last few days.</p><p>“That’s right,” he said. “You don’t have to see her if you don’t want to. You can keep her alive in your memories.”</p><p>“I wanna see,” Sianin said, nodding.</p><p>James shared a glance at Rose. They’d agreed to let the kids decide what they wanted to do at the funeral, but now faced with the prospect of showing his six-year-old a body, James wanted to scoop Sianin up into his arms and shelter her from the concept of death.</p><p>“If you begin to feel upset or sort of sick, let me or Daddy know,” Rose said, resting a hand on Sianin’s shoulder. “If we begin to think you look upset, we’re going to take you out of the room, okay?”</p><p>“Okay,” Sianin agreed.</p><p>James shifted his body to face the coffin. He only spared Sylvia a passing glance, because he kept seeing his mum’s pale face amidst the silk pillows, and instead kept his gaze on Sianin.</p><p>She was quiet as she observed Sylvia, but she didn’t seem to be getting agitated.</p><p>“She looks funny,” Sianin said in a loud whisper.</p><p>James’s cheek warmed a bit as a few people glanced their way. He prayed they would have the grace to forgive Sianin’s faux pas.</p><p>“A little bit,” James answered.</p><p>“Why does she look funny?”</p><p>“I’ll explain when we’re at home,” James said. “This isn’t an appropriate conversation right now.”</p><p>Sianin sighed, but nodded. </p><p>“Come on, darling,” he said. “We’ve paid our respects. Time to find our seats.”</p><p>Before he and Rose could usher Sianin away from the coffin, she spoke again.</p><p>“Well, at least there’s one good thing to come of all this—” Her voice was no longer a whisper. </p><p>James’s heart dropped and his mouth went dry. “Sianin, enough…”</p><p>“—Sylvia won’t be at Christmas anymore.”</p><p>It was as though everybody in the room had stopped speaking at the same moment, just in time to catch Sianin’s callous words. There was a faint ringing in his ears as his cheeks burned with mortification. Heads turned to glare at them, and he saw the way Donna’s face crumpled.</p><p>Rose turned to their six-year-old, her face tight with fury.</p><p>“Sianin Noelle,” she hissed, and Sianin shrank away from her mother’s tone. James grabbed her upper arm before she could run away. “Do not <em>ever</em> say anything like that again.”</p><p>“I… I didn’t… I’m not… I’m sorry…” </p><p>James met Rose’s eye and he mouthed, “I’ve got her,” before he marched Sianin through the throng of horrified people.</p><p>“Daddy, stop,” Sianin begged, squirming to escape his grip. “I’m sorry!”</p><p>“We need to have a chat,” he said calmly but firmly.</p><p>“No, I don’t want to,” she whined. “I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. I promise.”</p><p>He ignored Sianin until they made it to an empty corridor away from the rest of the funeral-goers. He loosened his grip on her arm and crouched in front of her.</p><p>“I said I’m sorry,” Sianin mumbled, wringing her hands in front of herself.</p><p>“Do you know what you’re apologizing for?”</p><p>Her hesitation was answer enough, and he struggled for a long second to figure out how to explain. Sianin had always spoken her mind, and he wanted her to remain confident in herself, but he needed to make her understand that not every thought that crossed her mind ought to be said. It was a delicate line to balance on, but a line that Sianin needed to learn sooner rather than later.</p><p>“What you said was really hurtful,” James explained.</p><p>“But… I didn’t like Sylvia,” Sianin said, scrunching her nose. “She was scary and mean. I didn’t like that she was always at Christmas.”</p><p>“She is still a <em>person</em>. She’s someone’s mother and daughter and friend,” he said. “If Mummy died, how would you feel?”</p><p>“Really sad.”</p><p>“Well that’s how Auntie Donna and Grandpa Wilf feel,” James said. “Now, if you were feeling sad because Mummy was gone, then someone said they were glad that Mummy wouldn’t be at holiday gatherings anymore, how would that feel?”</p><p>A small spark of understanding dawned in Sianin’s eyes. She lowered her gaze to the floor and rocked on her heels. James tried to make her look at him, but she forced her chin out of his touch.</p><p>“I don’t want to be here anymore,” she whimpered.</p><p>“Please answer my question, Sian. This is very important,” James said. “If you were feeling sad that Mummy had died, but someone said they were glad about it, how would you feel?”</p><p>“Mummy’s <em>not</em> dead,” Sianin said stubbornly. “She’s never dying. Just like you. You’re gonna live forever and ever.”</p><p>James bit back a sigh of impatience. “Sianin…”</p><p>She glared at him, but he stared right back. Finally, her eyes welled with tears. “I’d feel even more sad. And angry with whoever said they were glad my mummy was gone.”</p><p>“Do you understand why you should never say anything like that again?” James asked.</p><p>Sianin nodded.</p><p>“You really, really hurt Donna’s and Wilf’s feelings. Do you promise to try to think before you speak from now on?” James asked.</p><p>Sianin nodded again.</p><p>“Okay. Can I have a hug?”</p><p>His daughter launched herself into his open arms and clung to his shoulders.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she whispered into his neck. “Don’t be angry with me.”</p><p>“I’m not angry with you,” he promised, kissing her cheek. He pulled away from her to look her in the eye. “I’m not angry with you. I swear. Do you believe me?”</p><p>Sianin sniffed and blinked, but she nodded. He hauled her back into another hug.</p><p>“I love you, Sianin. Always know that. I love you so, <em>so</em> much.”</p><p>“I love you, too,” she replied. “Is Mummy angry with me?”</p><p>“No,” he said. “She was just a little upset that you would say something so hurtful. But she will understand that you didn’t understand the implications of what you were saying. You know better now, though, right?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“I think we ought to say sorry to Auntie Donna and Grandpa Wilf.”</p><p>“No!” Sianin cried. “They’re angry with me!”</p><p>“They’re upset,” James countered. “But I think they know you didn’t mean to hurt their feelings.”</p><p>“Then I don’t need to say sorry,” Sianin reasoned.</p><p>“No, that’s bad manners.”</p><p>“Daddy, I don’t want to. Please don’t make me.”</p><p>“You really hurt their feelings,” James said. “And I know you didn’t mean to, but all the same, their feelings are hurt. It is very rude to not acknowledge that. So we’re going to say sorry.”</p><p>Sianin whimpered and sniffled, but James didn’t back down. As uncomfortable and awkward as it was, this would be an important lesson for his daughter.</p><p>When her tears were under control, he began walking her back towards the main chapel. However, Sianin stopped walking right at the entrance to the room and said, “Daddy, I need a wee. I really, <em>really</em> gotta go.”</p><p>She began squirming and crossing her legs for emphasis, and groaned to himself. He wasn’t sure if she was trying to delay or avoid her apology, but didn’t want to risk her having an accident. He began scanning for a bathroom.</p><p>He finally spotted a sign for one back down the hallway he and Sianin had just come from. He gestured for Sianin to follow him, and he led her into the toilets. He found the women’s room first, and was glad nobody was in there because Sianin forced him to accompany her in case she needed help with her clothes</p><p>To his slight chagrin, it seemed as though Sianin really had needed the toilet quite badly. When she’d finished her business, he helped her hike her tights up her legs without ripping them, then made sure her dress laid flatly.</p><p>He supervised her washing her hands, making her wash them longer than her preferred five second rinse, then handed her paper towels. With her bladder dealt with, he marched Sianin back towards the chapel. </p><p>James scanned around for the rest of his family. Rose and Ainsley were sitting in a pew towards the back of the church, and he gave Rose a little wave when she caught his eye.</p><p>Sianin looked extremely uncomfortable the closer they got to Donna. Her eyes kept darting between the funeral-goers, the coffin at the front of the room, and the exit. James took her hand, giving it a supportive squeeze.</p><p>They finally approached Donna, Lee, and Wilf. Sianin looked up at him in a panic and seemed as though she were about to hide behind his legs. He placed his hands gently but insistently on her shoulders and kept her in front of him.</p><p>She twisted her fingers and glanced at the floor as she muttered a couple of inaudible words. James crouched down behind her and pressed a kiss to her cheek before whispering, “Look up, and speak clearly.”</p><p>She sniffed, but dutifully raised her face towards the three adults. “I… I’m very sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it and I didn’t mean to make you upset. I’m sorry.”</p><p>He met Donna’s gaze, then Wilf’s, and mouthed, “I’m really sorry.”</p><p>Donna wiped her eyes and forced a tight smile before crouching down to Sianin’s level. Sianin backed up a step but hit the wall of James’s chest.</p><p>“I forgive you, sweetheart,” Donna said, opening her arms for a hug.</p><p>Sianin tentatively walked into the hug, and returned it carefully. She then hugged Lee, then finally Wilf. When she’d finished, James gave her a hug and a kiss and said, “I’m very proud of you, Sian.”</p><p>He then stood, offered hugs and condolences to Donna, Lee, and Wilf, then marched Sianin towards Rose and Ainsley.</p><p>“One more apology to make, darling,” he said.</p><p>“What?” </p><p>“You need to apologize to Mum,” he clarified.</p><p>Sianin cocked her head. “But… why?”</p><p>“What you said hurt her feelings too,” James said. </p><p>“How?”</p><p>James bit back a sigh. “It just did.”</p><p>He led Sianin to where Rose sat and he gestured for Sianin to enter the pew first. She did, and walked right up to Rose.</p><p>“I’m sorry for upsetting you, Mummy,” she said.</p><p>“Did Daddy explain to you why I’m upset?”</p><p>Sianin began to nod, but then shook her head. “He only told me why Auntie Donna and Grandpa Wilf were upset.”</p><p>Rose lifted her gaze to James, who shrugged. How was he supposed to explain that Sianin had embarrassed him and Rose, without making Sianin feel like <em>she </em>was an embarrassment? Because she wasn’t. He knew that kids said humiliating things all the time, but he never wanted his children to think he or Rose were embarrassed by them.</p><p>“What you said was rude,” Rose said.</p><p>“Daddy explained that part,” Sianin said.</p><p>“Daddy and I are your teachers.” At Sianin’s scrunched face, Rose clarified, “Your life teachers. We’re here to help you learn how to be a good, kind person. We take responsibility for any mistakes you might make, like what you said today. And it’s okay to make mistakes, sweetheart. You’re learning. But it’s upsetting to see you make the mistake because that makes us feel like we’re not good teachers. Does this make sense?”</p><p>“I didn’t mean to make a mistake,” Sianin mumbled. “I didn’t know I was making one.”</p><p>“I know,” Rose soothed. “But now you know for the future, right?”</p><p>“Right,” Sianin said. “Are you angry with me?”</p><p>“No,” Rose said. “Never.”</p><p>Sianin flashed her a tentative smile, then turned to face James. “Can I sit in your lap, Daddy?”</p><p>He nodded and pulled her into his arms as he sat down beside Rose.</p><p>He was relieved that Sianin behaved for the entirety of the church service. It lasted only a half hour, but it was long enough that he’d thought Sianin would get restless without something to do or play with.</p><p>Finally, the ceremony was over, and it was time for them to go home again. However, upon seeing how Jackie’s face fell when she realized they were about to collect the twins and run, James made an impromptu decision to spend the afternoon in London.</p><p>Silently apologizing to Rose, he said, “Well, we can stay for a little bit.” He glanced down at his eldest girls. “Would you like to hang out with Gran?”</p><p>Both girls enthusiastically agreed and sprinted into the flat. When Jackie followed them, James grabbed Rose’s wrist, halting her.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said, and he meant it. Lately, Rose and her mother were arguing over every little thing, and while he didn’t want to cause Rose any undue anxiety, he also wanted Jackie and his children to spend time together.</p><p>Her smile was tight as she said, “It’s fine.”</p><p>“Really, Rose, I’m sorry…”</p><p>“It’s fine,” she said again. She pecked a small kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Really. It is. The kids haven’t seen my mum since our beach trip.”</p><p>The trip that seemed to have completely broken something between Rose and her mother after Jackie unintentionally insulted Rose about her weight and her decision to breastfeed so explicitly in public.</p><p>“I’ll make it up to you,” he promised.</p><p>She flashed him a more genuine smile and a wink. “You better.”</p><p>The afternoon wasn’t terrible, and that was as good as James had hoped for. There was an obvious layer of tension between Rose and Jackie, one that Ainsley immediately picked up on. She kept shooting surreptitious glances between her mother and grandmother until James invited Rose out on a walk.</p><p>The air was thick and balmy, and James regretted not bringing a change of clothes as he began sweating almost immediately. He unknotted his tie, undid a few of the top buttons of his shirt, and rolled his sleeves up to his elbow. Rose, at least, was wearing a sleeveless dress and could feel the breeze on her legs</p><p>Their walk could barely be considered a walk; they plopped down on a bench in the courtyard behind Jackie’s building. The bench was shaded and when the breeze picked up, it wasn’t too unbearable.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Rose said when they’d been sitting in silence for nearly five minutes.</p><p>“It’s okay,” he said. “I, ehm, I’d give you a hug but I’m a little… <em>moist</em>.”</p><p>Rose giggled, and he beamed. She rested her hand on his thigh, giving it a grateful squeeze.</p><p>“Have you considered how we’re going to break the news to my mum that we’re moving up to Scotland next summer?” Rose asked quietly.</p><p>He hadn’t. His brain was too focused on how he could help his children adjust to the eventual news.</p><p>“She already hates that she doesn’t see the girls as often as she’d like,” Rose said. “This is gonna make her even worse.”</p><p>“We’ll figure something out,” he promised.</p><p>“Do you think your dad will move with us?” she asked, her voice small. “I feel so pathetic for asking him to, but I’m sort of panicking at the thought of him being so far away. And I hate myself that I don’t feel bad that my mum will be so far away.”</p><p>Sweaty armpits be damned, James scooted closer to Rose and wrapped her into a tight hug. She didn’t seem to mind, as she tucked her face into his shoulder and squeezed his middle.</p><p>“Dad will move with us,” he said, hoping that was true. He was about ninety-five percent sure his father would relocate with them. “And it’s okay, love. You just… you don’t get along with your mother. And that’s okay. Loads of people don’t get along with their parents. That doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad daughter.”</p><p>“I keep thinking… it would absolutely break my heart if any of our girls treated me the way I’m treating my mum,” Rose said, voice quivering with tears.</p><p>“Oh, Rose,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. “It’s not a comparable situation, love. You have done absolutely nothing to hurt our daughters. Nothing. You are so loving and accepting and supportive of them. You’ve never talked down to them or insulted anything they love. You can’t compare yourself to your mother, because your parenting styles are totally different.”</p><p>“You’re making my mum sound awful,” Rose sniffled.</p><p>James swallowed. He loved Jackie, he did, but there was still a small part of him that couldn’t forgive her for how she had treated Rose when she was growing up. He couldn’t forgive her for talking down about Rose’s artistic talents, or for sneering at Rose’s devotion to her soulmate. Jackie had broken Rose’s heart many times over when Rose was a child, had cracked her confidence in him, let alone in herself. And a tiny piece of his brain would never forget that.</p><p>“She didn’t know better,” James said carefully. “But ignorance isn’t an excuse for hurtful behavior.”</p><p>Rose didn’t respond, she only nestled closer into his side.</p><p>They stayed on the bench for over an hour, hardly talking at all but merely basking in each other’s calming presence. When they got back to Jackie’s flat, the older girls were half way through a late lunch while the babies were beginning to wake up from a nap.</p><p>James and Rose plucked up a twin and cuddled them close as they slowly woke up. Hannah came to more quickly, and was soon full of smiles and giggles, flashing her new little teeth.</p><p>Maddie was drowsy as she awoke, seemingly content to rest in Rose’s arms. She cooed up at her mother and fisted her hand in the front of Rose’s dress, playing with the loose fabric.</p><p>The rest of the afternoon passed without incident. Jackie and Rose were civil towards each other, and that was the best James could hope for.</p><p>It was almost dinner time when the family got home, and, not in the mood to cook, they ordered delivery. A half hour later, the family were all squeezed onto the sofa together with boxes of Chinese food that they kept passing around. Ainsley, the pickiest eater of the group, claimed the box of chicken fried rice and only gave it up when she was full. Sianin, however, ate a bit of everything, from the lo mein to the General Tso’s chicken to the egg rolls.</p><p>They spent the rest of the evening cuddled together watching a film. The babies were content to sit in their parents’ laps and be talked to and snuggled throughout the movie. Ainsley and Sianin occasionally chatted to their baby sisters, but were mostly absorbed with the television.</p><p>When it became clear that the babies were getting drowsy, James volunteered for bath and bed duty. He handed the baby he’d been holding to Rose so that he could get everything ready. Once he had towels, nappies, onesies, baby soap, and the tub filled with a few inches of warm water, he collected the twins and took them into the bathroom.</p><p>“Bath time, my beautiful darlings!” he crowed.</p><p>He had to admit it was much nicer to bathe both twins at once now that they were sturdier and could sit up on their own. He and Rose had only started bathing them together for a couple weeks, but the routine was becoming more and more normal with every successful bath time they conquered.</p><p>“Daddy is gonna get you squeaky clean for bedtime,” he cooed.</p><p>He undressed them and plopped them into the water, smiling as they immediately began giggling and splashing their arms and legs. He floated a few of the bath toys in their general direction as he grabbed a flannel, poured a dollop of soap onto it, and lathered it up.</p><p>Mercifully, the twins adored bath time and sat nicely for him as he scrubbed their body and hair, narrating his movements as he did so. Once he’d rinsed off all of the soap, he lifted Hannah out of the tub, wrapped her in a fluffy towel, then did the same for Maddie.</p><p>Leaving the full tub to deal with later, he scooped up his towel-wrapped babies and walked into his and Rose’s bedroom, where clean nappies and clothes were waiting on the bed, along with a bottle of lotion. He talked to them as he moisturized then dressed them, narrating his movements. Maddie was pretty much asleep by the end of it, and Hannah was certainly sleepy.</p><p>His throat swelled up as he gazed at his babies. They were just… so beautiful. And he loved them more than they could ever know. He crawled onto the bed, sprawling out on his side. Careful not to jostle them, he scooted them closer to his body. Maddie, bless her, remained asleep, snoring quietly. Hannah turned her head to look at him, and she gave him a smile that was so full of joy that his heart skipped a few beats.</p><p>“I love you,” he crooned. “So, so much. Daddy loves you. Yes he does. You’re Daddy’s little miracle, aren’t you? You and Maddie both. My two precious, perfect little miracles.”</p><p>He swallowed down the lump in his throat. He and Rose had tried for four years to get pregnant without success. It had nearly broken them, as their desire for another baby turned into an obsession. But they’d managed to put themselves back together again, and in time, they finally got their wish for another baby, with an added bonus. Even though they were in a much better place now, it was painful to recall the years of heartbreak and frustration. He suspected it would always be a painful memory.</p><p>“I will love you forever,” he whispered to his babies, trying to turn his thoughts to a more joyful subject. What was more joyful than his children? “Mummy and I will always love you. We can’t wait to see the little people you turn into, but for now, I rather like you as you are. Don’t grow up too fast, eh? Stay my little girls for a while longer. Forever, if you’d like. If it’s all the same to you, my vote is forever.”</p><p>He reached over and trailed his fingers down Maddie’s smooth, chubby cheek, then back up again and across her forehead. She remained dead asleep. He turned his attention to Hannah. When she realized her father was watching her, she broke into another broad grin.</p><p>“How do you melt my heart so easily?” he asked her, prompting her to grin again. “Oh, Hannah. You are so loved, my darling girl. So, so loved.”</p><p>He bent down and kissed her forehead. “But it’s time to sleep now.” She only smiled again. “You sure know how to sweet-talk your way out of bedtime, don’t you? And you can’t even talk yet.”</p><p>Even though he knew that Hannah would keep smiling if he kept speaking, he couldn’t seem to shut himself up. He would do anything for his baby to smile at him like he was the center of her whole world.</p><p>“I love you,” he repeated, and he caressed his fingertips across her face, trailing them from her cheeks to her forehead to her chin. While he hoped the soothing touch would put her to sleep, he wouldn’t be all that sad if she stayed awake for a little while longer.</p><p>In the end, it was another fifteen minutes before Hannah dropped off too. And even then, James had absolutely no desire to leave his bedroom. He adored his eldest children, absolutely <em>adored </em>them, but they sometimes made it hard for him to have one-on-one time with his babies. Especially if Sianin got into one of her moods of feeling overshadowed by her baby sisters. Thankfully those moods were few and far between now, unlike when the twins were first born.</p><p>It had been nearly an hour since he’d left his family to bathe the twins and put them to bed when he heard the bedroom door open. Given how quiet the person was being, he assumed it was Rose. Though it could’ve been Ainsley.</p><p>When a familiar hand ran through his hair, he knew it was his wife. The bed dipped as she sat behind him. He glanced back and saw her phone pointed at the twins. She then met his eye and smiled.</p><p>“I figured everything was okay since I didn’t hear any crying or shouting, but I figured I’d double check you all hadn’t spontaneously died in here.”</p><p>He snorted through his nose and said, “Sorry. They were being so sweet tonight. I couldn’t bear to leave them yet. Or put them in their cribs, obviously. Are Ainsley and Sianin upset with me?”</p><p>“I don’t think they realized you left.”</p><p>He pouted. “Feel the love.”</p><p>Rose grinned at him, then ducked down and pressed a kiss to his cheek. She held her phone out in front of him so he could see the photos she’d snapped. Both babies looked so angelic lying on the bed, asleep. She had also taken a few photos of him curled around them.</p><p>“And of course a self-indulgent shot,” she drawled as she swiped to a photo that was a close-up of his arse.</p><p>He rolled his eyes but she smiled innocently at him.</p><p>“Anyways, I came in to say the kids are going to bed,” Rose said. “Sianin finished her shower and Ainsley is already in bed.”</p><p>“It’s barely eight,” he said, frowning. </p><p>“It was a long day,” she reminded him, running her fingers through his hair again.</p><p>He exhaled and nodded. He had to agree that the funeral had left him emotionally wrung out.</p><p>“Right. Can you help me get these two in their cribs?”</p><p>Rose stood off the bed, then he carefully slid off after her, making sure not to jostle the bed too much. They each took a twin and carried them across the hall to the nursery. With a kiss goodnight, they set the babies into their cribs, turned the light off, and backed out of the room.</p><p>“I’ve already tucked Ainsley in,” Rose said, gesturing to the ajar door, “but she asked if you could come in, too. She should still be awake.”</p><p>James nodded and entered Ainsley’s bedroom. His eldest turned her head to look at him as he approached.</p><p>“Hi Daddy,” she whispered. Warning bells clanged in his head; she rarely called him ‘daddy’ anymore. She hadn’t for years.</p><p>“Hiya darling,” he said, crouching down beside her. “Are you feeling okay?”</p><p>“Yeah,” she said, reaching up to wrap her arms around his neck.</p><p>She pulled him down for a long, hard hug. He wriggled his arms under her back and held her just as tightly.</p><p>“I don’t like funerals,” she admitted once her face was hidden in his neck. </p><p>“Nobody does,” he answered, giving her a squeeze. “Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p>Ainsley didn’t say anything for a long minute. “I can’t help but think… Grandad’s older than Sylvia was.”</p><p>His heart broke, his mind cottoning on immediately to what was bothering his eldest. After all, hadn’t he had the exact same anxieties upon learning the news of Sylvia’s death? But she was only a child. She should still have the innocence and optimism of youth.</p><p>“I know,” he said softly.</p><p>“I’m not ready to lose him,” Ainsley croaked, and his chest tightened when her voice wavered with tears. “I don’t want him to die.”</p><p>“Oh, Ainsley.”</p><p>She sniffled once, then her next breath escaped on a sob. A cold band constricted his lungs at the sound. Careful not to jostle her too much, he slid onto her bed, hauling her closer to his body. After a bit of wiggling, he was far enough on the mattress that he wasn’t in immediate danger of falling off. All the while, Ainsley sobbed into his shirt.</p><p>What was he supposed to do? What was he supposed to say? How could he reassure Ainsley when a part of his brain was panicking that his father was getting older?</p><p>“I’m here,” he murmured instead. “I’m here, sweetheart. Daddy’s got you. Daddy’s here.”</p><p>He kissed the top of her head and rocked her gently, hoping to soothe her in any way he could.</p><p>Little by little, her sobs grew quieter and her tears dried up until she was silent in his arms. He knew she wasn’t asleep, but she was at least calm.</p><p>“I know it’s scary. And I know it hurts to think about. It upsets me, too. But your grandad is alive and well. Nobody knows when anybody will die. That’s part of life. But we’ve all been given this beautiful gift of life and love, so let’s try not to waste a single moment of the time we have together worrying about death and sadness. Easier said than done, I know. Believe me, I know. But at least try. Eh?”</p><p>Ainsley sniffed but nodded against his chest.</p><p>“Will you stay ‘til I fall asleep?” she pleaded, clutching her fingers into his shirt.</p><p>“Of course. Always.”</p><p>When Ainsley sniffed again, James groped behind himself for the box of tissues on her nightstand.</p><p>“Blow your nose, love. Lest you snot all over my shirt.”</p><p>That did the trick; Ainsley let out a tiny giggle that made James breathe out a sigh of relief. It killed him to see Ainsley so upset. It <em>killed him</em> that she was worrying about things like death and grief. He wanted her to remain a happy, oblivious child forever.</p><p>“Thanks, Daddy,” she said, chucking the used tissue onto the floor then burying her face into his chest again.</p><p>Ainsley fell asleep relatively quickly. When her body slumped bonelessly against his and she began snoring softly, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head then eased off the mattress. Not realizing how close he was to the edge, he nearly fell on his arse, but caught himself at the last minute and stood. Even in the dark, he saw Ainsley’s face was splotchy and puffy.</p><p>He bent down to tuck her sheets around her body and to give her another kiss. She hugged the blankets to her chest and shifted until her body was curled tightly in on itself. He grabbed her discarded tissue from the floor, dropped it into the rubbish bin, and stepped out of her room.</p><p>When the door snicked shut behind him, he leaned against the wall and ground the heels of his hands into his eyes. He nearly jumped out of his skin when someone touched his forearm.</p><p>Rose was looking at him curiously and nervously. “Everything okay?”</p><p>He nodded and inclined his head to their bedroom, not wanting to wake any of the kids by talking in the hall.</p><p>Rose flicked off the hallway light and followed him into their room. When their door shut behind them, he told her about Ainsley’s breakdown. </p><p>“I know she’ll be all right,” James said, “but I hate that she’s worrying about such things. I hate that she <em>understands</em> such things. She’s too clever for her own wellbeing, sometimes.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Rose sighed and wrapped her arms loosely around his hips, tucking her face into his neck. They stood there for a long moment, simply holding each other. James idly rocked them from side to side as he breathed in the scent of his wife and soaked in her solid warmth.</p><p>After a few minutes, Rose gave his waist a small squeeze, prompting him to release her. Though it was quite early yet, James and Rose got themselves ready for bed, taking turns in the loo and at the sink. When James went to join Rose in bed, he saw that she was shirtless.</p><p>Unsure whether she wanted sex or merely a naked cuddle—which she tended to crave when she was feeling sad or overwhelmed—James stripped off his t-shirt but kept his pants on. He flicked on the window box fan to get the summer air circulating, then slipped into bed beside his wife.</p><p>She’d kept her knickers on as well, he noticed. As soon as he reclined on the mattress, Rose tucked herself into his side and wrapped her arms and legs around him as best she could. A soft groan rumbled from his chest when her skin met his. She let out an equally quiet sound of pleasure at the contact.</p><p>For many long moments, they said nothing. Eventually, they picked up a small conversation, talking about nothing at all in that comfortable, easy way of lovers. Neither of them were particularly drowsy, thanks to all of the children going down for bed so early, and so they kept the conversation going for well over an hour, hopping between topics and keeping the tone deliberately light.</p><p>They remained entwined the entire time, their bodies fused together until it was nearly impossible to tell where one ended and the other began. They’d switched positions multiple times whenever one of them got pins and needles. Their current position found them with Rose on her back and James half-sprawled atop her, a leg flung across hers, his arm tucked around her middle, and his cheek smooshed into her breast. James appreciated this change: it was usually him who held her, but it was equally nice to be held by Rose instead.</p><p>She traced long lines up and down his spine while her other hand stroked his hair. Frissons of pleasure rippled across his scalp, making him hum and press himself closer to her touch. She willingly obliged him, then used her hold on his hair to tilt his face towards her for a tender kiss.</p><p>The angle was slightly awkward, so he scooted up a few inches until they were at the same height, then he caught her lips in another kiss. Their mouths moved lazily together, falling into a seamless rhythm.</p><p>“James,” she breathed, fisting her hand in his hair. He pulled back to look down at her. Her eyes were dark and heavy-lidded. “I- I want you. Please.”</p><p>He nudged the tip of his nose against hers. “Then take me.”</p><p>He kissed her again and, at her insistent tug, rolled completely atop her. He sighed when his hips met with hers. She wrapped her thighs around his waist, holding him close as she pulled him down for another kiss.</p><p>The buildup was slow, with their intimacy veering more towards comfort and support than raw desire and passion. Their hands mapped out the terrain of skin they were intimately familiar with, skating across all the places they knew the other loved.</p><p>Despite their unhurried touches, it was no less intense when he eventually slid into her and they began rocking together. He tucked his face into her neck and wrapped his arms around her shoulders to hug her close, as she was hugging him.</p><p>He felt every moan that vibrated through her chest and throat, felt the shuddering of her body as the heat between them mounted. He whispered his love into her skin as he moved in her, his own pleasure building at the base of his spine.</p><p>She came first, with a muffled cry of his name. She pulsed and arched beneath him, pulling him deeper inside her. He watched the ecstasy and rapture play across her face as she was lost in the abyss of pleasure, feeling no rush to join her yet.</p><p>When Rose resurfaced, her eyes were glazed and shining, and she pulled him down for a fierce kiss. He grunted into her mouth as she squeezed her muscles around him, sending a jolt straight up his spine. Her hips arched into his, encouraging him to move, to lose himself in her.</p><p>His pace remained deliberately slow, though. Her muscles were still tight around him, mirroring the desperate way she held him in her arms. His body was taut, trembling with the effort of remaining controlled. But he ignored his urge to thrust hard and fast, and after a moment, the fervor cooled again.</p><p>He buried his face into her neck once more and began kissing and sucking at the soft, supple skin. She sucked in a sharp breath, then let it out on a low groan.</p><p>“Again?” he asked her, trailing his tongue in a hot line across the curve of her neck and shoulder.</p><p>“Can you last? It might take a bit to build up again.”</p><p>“Oh, my love,” he drawled, “you should know by now the extent of my restraint and stamina.”</p><p>She snorted and pinched his bum, but moaned again as he pressed long, slow kisses to her neck and shoulder. James felt as though he could do this for hours. He would happily explore Rose’s body with fingers and lips and tongue for as long as she would let him. After their somber morning filled with remembrances of death and sorrow, he wanted to bask in the life and love he shared with his soulmate. He wanted to be filled with pleasure and joy, rather than ache with loss and despair.</p><p>“Are you into this?”</p><p>James jerked his head up from the train of kisses he was making between the valley of her breasts. Rose’s brows were pinched with concern despite her pleasure-flushed cheeks.</p><p>“Of course,” he said, caressing his fingertips across her cheekbones. “I am very much into this. How could I not be?”</p><p>Rose bit her lip. “You… don’t seem to be in any rush, is all.”</p><p>James smiled at her, and leaned down to kiss the hollow of her throat, then the curve of her jaw. She shivered at his breath in her ear when he answered, “I am enjoying myself very much. It’s been a while since we took it this slow, is all, and I’m savoring it. Is that all right? If you can’t go again, that’s fine. Is this a hint to tell me to hurry the hell up and get off of you?”</p><p>Rose laughed, and she tilted her head to kiss his temple. She gasped when he arched his hips slowly into hers. “N-no. I just didn’t know if you were tired of this. Or… er… struggling to… <em>finish</em>.”</p><p>He squawked. “I am trying not to take offense to that.”</p><p>Rose pinched his bum again. “Sorry, just wanted to double check. It’s no fun if you’re not having fun.”</p><p>“I am very much having fun,” he said. “So with that out of the way, can we get back to it then?”</p><p>“I suppose,” Rose said with a dramatic sigh.</p><p>It turned into a hiss when he nipped her neck.</p><p>Their banter gradually died away as the heat mounted between them once more. James was thoroughly pleased with himself when Rose tightened around him again. This time, he knew he’d be right on her heels. Her cries and moans turned more urgent, and he willed himself to hold out for another minute as he rolled his hips into hers again and again while his fingers drummed across the sensitive bundle of nerves between her thighs.</p><p>“James,” she rasped, her body bowing off the bed as she was consumed at last.</p><p>He grunted out a long curse as he finally, finally tipped over into the pleasure that had been building all night. His vision whited out as he pulsed and throbbed, releasing himself deep inside her. He shook and trembled with the pleasure that sparked through his veins, more dizzying than he expected of the slow lovemaking they’d engaged in.</p><p>He panted at her breast, his body boneless and his mind empty of anything except Rose’s gentle hands stroking his slightly damp hair. He floated away from his body for many long minutes, not quite asleep but certainly not entirely conscious either.</p><p>He was pulled back to awareness by the cooling wetness between his legs where he and Rose were still just barely joined together. He shifted his hips minutely and he finally slipped out of her at last.</p><p>“Ew,” Rose mumbled, shivering beneath him.</p><p>“Exactly what a bloke wants to hear after sex,” he pouted.</p><p>“Mmm. You’re not the one with <em>fluids</em> seeping out of your…”</p><p>“Fair point,” he interrupted, grimacing.</p><p>With herculean effort, he lifted himself off of Rose and stumbled to his feet. Rose followed, pushing past him to shuffle to the toilet. While she wee’d, he soaked a flannel and wiped himself off, then washed his hands and splashed his heated face with cool water. Rose joined him a minute later.</p><p>“You’re lucky you’re a damn good shag,” she grumbled, accepting the damp flannel from him. “Otherwise it would not be worth this mess.”</p><p>James snorted and flicked her nose lightly. When she was sufficiently clean, they tugged on clean pants and donned a shirt before crawling back into bed. James shuffled close to the edge of the mattress on his side of the bed, letting Rose curl up tightly against him to avoid the wet patch on her side of the mattress.</p><p>“Love you,” she murmured, wrapping her arm around his hips.</p><p>“As I love you,” he whispered, brushing a kiss to her forehead. “Are you feeling all right?”</p><p>“Well, I <em>did</em> just get laid,” she drawled. “Twice. Rather marvelously.”</p><p>James snorted and brushed a kiss to her forehead and waited for a more serious reply.</p><p>“Today was long and exhausting,” she said simply. “I’m still a bit upset with Sianin and trying not to be. I’m upset for Donna and Wilf. I’m upset that losing family members is going to become a more regular occurrence over the next several decades. I’m upset at the idea that my mum and I will never truly make up, then I’ll wake up one day to the news that she’s gone. And I’m upset…” Rose’s voice cracked. “I’m upset at the thought of losing you one day. Even though that's a long way off.”</p><p>James squeezed her closer. “Me too.”</p><p>“But I’m trying really hard to focus on the joys in our life,” Rose continued, even though her voice wobbled. “I’m trying really hard to stay positive and to not let my fears overshadow the beautiful life we’ve made together. But tonight I… I feel… <em>stuck</em>.”</p><p>“It’s hard,” James admitted. “Really damn hard. The more I fall in love with you and our children, the more the idea of losing any of you paralyzes me. That is my greatest fear, you know. That something will happen to you or the kids. Or to you <em>and</em> the kids.”</p><p>“That’s my biggest fear too.” She sighed and tightened her hold around him. “You’re never allowed to die, okay?”</p><p>James snorted and kissed her brow. “Deal. As long as you never die either.”</p><p>“Deal. We’ll both live forever and ever. And so will the girls. The immortal Tyler-McCrimmon clan.”</p><p>He couldn’t help but laugh again, and kissed her soundly. “I rather like the sound of that.”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This chapter is nearly 10,000 words and took quite a bit of brain power to get through, so I'd appreciate if you left a comment. It's nice to feel like I'm posting this for actual people and not just shouting into the void 💜</p><p>Remember to subscribe to this story or to me if you want email notifications when I update.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Tyler-McCrimmons celebrate surviving the first week of school.</p><p>Chapter Word Count: ~ 6100</p><p>Chapter Rating: Explicit (warnings for drunken sex)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the start of the chapter:<br/>James: 39<br/>Rose: 34<br/>Ainsley: 9<br/>Sianin: 6<br/>Twins: 6 months</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rest of the summer holiday passed by lazily. While Ainsley was counting down the days until the new school term began, Sianin seemed to ignore it in the hopes it wouldn’t come. But, inevitably, the first day of school dawned, sunny and hot.</p><p>Waking Sianin up was as delightful as ever, as she tried to hide away from James’s poking fingers by pulling her blankets up over her head. He knew she wouldn't stay like that for long, since it would be far too stuffy in there, especially since the morning was already warm, making the air in the house stagnant.</p><p>As predicted, she flung her blankets off of her head with a loud whine mere seconds later, then dutifully trudged out of bed to get ready for school. Ainsley was already half way through her bowl of cereal by the time Sianin joined them.</p><p>She’d dressed herself in her school uniform but hadn’t tucked in the shirt. James mindlessly did it for her, but noticed she’d untucked it again five minutes later.</p><p>“Don’t touch,” he said as he tucked her shirt in for a second time.</p><p>But she kept fidgeting with her uniform all throughout breakfast, untucking her shirt from her skirt and driving James and Rose mad.</p><p>“It’s pulling,” Sianin complained when James fixed her outfit yet again.</p><p>“What do you mean, darling?” he asked.</p><p>Sianin lifted her arms above her head. “See? Pulling.”</p><p>It took James a long minute to understand what she meant. Her shirt strained around her middle as she lifted her arms in the air.</p><p>“We’ll get you a bigger shirt,” he promised.</p><p>“It’s too tight, Daddy,” she whimpered. “I’m not comfortable! I don’t like the way it feels.”</p><p>“Can you be a brave girl and wear it for today?” he asked. “I promise Mummy and I will get you a new shirt in time for tomorrow’s school day.”</p><p>After a bit more moaning and grumbling, Sianin reluctantly agreed, though she kept fidgeting with her clothes all morning.</p><p>“Want to take bets on whether Sianin comes home with a warning for not having her shirt tucked in, or being obstinate about tucking it back in?”</p><p>“Not taking that bet,” Rose muttered under her breath. “I thought we checked their uniforms last week.”</p><p>“We did,” James answered. “But I suppose there’s a difference between saying something is comfortable in the two seconds it takes it try it on, versus it actually being comfortable when confronted with wearing it all day.”</p><p>Rose pinched his side. “Guess I’ll be off on a shopping trip this morning.”</p><p>After the traditional first day of school photoshoot, James loaded his eldest girls into one vehicle while Rose loaded the twins into the other. She kissed Ainsley and Sianin goodbye and wished them well before she went off on her errands for the day.</p><p>Since the school drop off queue was always pandemonium on the first day, James parked a couple blocks away at a coffee shop and walked with his girls to the school. When they reached the building, he knelt down to give them each a hug and a kiss.</p><p>“Have a great day. I’ll see you this evening. I love you very, very much.”</p><p>He then stood and watched his children walk away from him and towards their various friend groups. William was perched on the short brick wall surrounding the garden in front of the school; his entire face lit up when he saw Ainsley. He jumped off the wall and ran to give her a big hug, then, together, they skipped into the school, leaving Sianin behind.</p><p>James was slightly annoyed at his eldest for so quickly abandoning her little sister, but Sianin eventually caught up with a group of her friends. No hugs were exchanged, but Sianin beamed brightly at them and began to follow them inside. She turned around at the doorway and scanned the crowd. He lifted his hand in a wave, and she smiled, waving back at him before she disappeared into the building.</p><p><em>Yet another round of first days, done,</em> he lamented to himself. How were his girls getting so big? </p><p>As he walked back to his car, James grabbed his phone from his pocket. “I’m getting coffee before coming in. Can I get you something?”</p><p>He shot off the text in two individual messages to his work mates, Mark and River. They were two of his only mates at the university, ever since he had gotten into a major row with one of his other colleagues, Rodney. James had taken to avoiding Rodney and any friends of Rodney, which unfortunately turned out to be most of the department. Not that anybody else was treating him poorly or avoiding him, but James couldn’t help but feel like they were silently judging him, and had been for a long time. It made it hard to fake cordiality and friendship.</p><p>The buzzing of his phone interrupted his maudlin thoughts.</p><p><em>Nah, mate, I’m good. The missus and I had breakfast out with the kids before school,</em> Mark responded. <em>Thanks though.</em></p><p>River didn’t reply until James was nearly at the front register about to order. <em>Large black coffee please. Leave room for cream but don’t add any. And a scone. Surprise me with the flavor ;)</em></p><p>He sent back a thumbs up and slipped his phone into his pocket as he stepped up to the counter. He placed his order, and five minutes later, he left the coffee shop with two coffees and a blueberry scone.</p><p>River worked in the anthropology department, which was on the other side of the university campus. The sun was already shining down hotly, despite the early morning hour, and so he parked in a temporary spot to run River’s breakfast to her.</p><p>“Good morning, Professor McCrimmon,” River purred when he stepped into her office.</p><p>“Good morning, Professor Song,” he parroted. He held up her coffee and the paper bag with her scone. “Your order.”</p><p>“Oh, you’re a gem,” she said, reaching to take the coffee. She turned away from him to open the mini-fridge in the corner of her office. It was packed with half a dozen different bottles of flavored coffee creamer. “I think I’m feeling French Vanilla today.”</p><p>James shrugged, not particularly fond of flavored creams. They were far too sweet.</p><p>“School drop off went well?” River asked as she poured the cream until the coffee was a light tan color.</p><p>He tugged his phone from his back pocket and pulled up the quick photo he’d snapped of Ainsley and Sianin.</p><p>“Sianin waited until this morning to tell us her school shirt was getting a bit small,” James said, handing his phone to River, “but otherwise, yeah.”</p><p>River glanced at the photo before handing it back to him. “She’s nearly as big as her sister.”</p><p>“Ainsley’s small for her age. In the first percentile, if I remember correctly,” James explained. “She and Sianin can nearly share clothes. It won’t be too much longer now before they can.”</p><p>River made a humming noise then turned to her scone. She opened the packaging and took a large bite.</p><p>“Well, I’d best be off,” James said, scratching the back of his head. “Want to do lunch this afternoon?”</p><p>“I thought you’d never ask,” River said, grinning.</p><p>James beamed, relieved that he wouldn’t be eating lunch alone that day. “Great. I have a class that ends right at noon, so we can meet then? If that works?”</p><p>“I’ll meet you in your office,” River said. “I’ve got a meeting on your side of campus at one anyway.”</p><p>“It’s a plan. Until then.” He gave a dramatic bow and backed out of the office to get to his own building.</p><p>oOoOo</p><p>The first week back at school was always exhausting as everybody readjusted to the schooltime routine. While James and Rose tried to keep their kids in a routine over the summer, they never quite managed. Sianin preferred to sleep an hour extra during the summers, and Ainsley, though she loved school, wasn’t always a fan of being around large groups of people and often shut herself in her room as soon as she got home.</p><p>But finally Friday arrived, heralding the first successful week of school. As was tradition, James and Rose planned a date night with their kids. Though this year, they had to account for the twins. Thankfully, Robert was more than happy to take the babies overnight.</p><p>They made homemade chips and personal pizzas so everyone could have their toppings of choice, and he and Rose broke out the wine. With the twins gone for the night and mostly weaned from breast milk, Rose no longer had to worry as much about alcohol consumption for the first time in over a year.</p><p>Once everyone was fed, James pulled down half a dozen board game boxes, letting family game night commence. They played through seemingly every board game they owned, as well as a few card games. For some of the more complex games, such as Cluedo, Sianin partnered up with Ainsley to play against their parents.</p><p>And all the while, James kept his and Rose’s wine glasses filled until they’d had to break open a second bottle of wine.</p><p>“It’s so nice to not have the twins here,” Rose murmured, her words slurred slightly as she leaned against James to take a look at the cards he held in his hand. “I can drink and drink and drink, guilt free!”</p><p>“Oi, cheater,” James said, pushing his shoulder against her and hiding his cards against his chest.</p><p>Rose giggled and snuggled closer to him. She tilted her head up until her lips were at his ear. The sensation of her warm breath tickling across his ear sent shivers down his spine. </p><p>“I think I’m a <em>liiiiittle</em> bit tipsy,” Rose whispered.</p><p>“Maybe a bit,” James agreed. “But in your defense, you haven’t drunk much in over a year now. Your tolerance has gone to shit.”</p><p>“Daddy, your turn,” Sianin said, laying a card in the discard pile.</p><p>“Thanks, darling,” he said, returning his attention to their game of <em>Uno</em>.</p><p>They stayed up well past the kids’ bedtime, enjoying themselves far too much to bring an end to the night. However, when both kids were nearly falling asleep against each other in yet another round of Uno, James and Rose decided to put an end to the evening.</p><p>“Let’s call it a night,” James suggested, blinking against his slightly-swimming vision. He and Rose had polished off half of their second bottle of wine, and the room was a little unsteady.</p><p>“M’kay,” Ainsley agreed, her eyes a bit heavy.</p><p>“Do I hafta get a shower?” Sianin mumbled, rubbing her fists into her eyes.</p><p>“Nah,” James answered, glancing at Rose to make sure she approved. “Get one in the morning, though.”</p><p>“M’kay.” She heaved a sigh and nestled closer to Ainsley, not making a move to stand.</p><p>James couldn’t exactly blame her. He was comfortable where he was, leaning against the front of the couch with his arm around his wife and her familiar heat seeping through his clothes.</p><p>It took several attempts to scramble to his knees and then to his feet without falling over. Though he’d teased Rose for her alcohol tolerance going to shit, his had gone to shit right alongside hers; without his favorite drinking partner, he rarely had more than one or two drinks at a time.</p><p>“C’mon,” James said once he’d managed to stand. “Time for bed. Up, Sianin.”</p><p>She lifted her arms, as though expecting to be picked up.</p><p>“Sorry, darling,” James said, grimacing. “Daddy had a tiny bit too much wine to carry you safely.  I don’t want to drop you, eh?”</p><p>She huffed a sigh, and slowly pushed herself to her feet. With how much she swerved and stumbled down the hall, James would’ve thought she was a tad drunk too.</p><p>“Nighty night Mum. Night Dad.” Ainsley stepped up to him and pressed a kiss to his cheek.</p><p>“Sweet dreams,” he said, pecking a clumsy kiss to her the crown of her head. “Love you loads. I’ll be in to tuck you in when I’ve finished with Sianin.”</p><p>She hummed in acknowledgement and moved down the hall. James followed, stepping into Sianin’s room to wait for her to finish her nightly routine.</p><p>She had stripped out of her clothes and was in a baggy t-shirt he recognized as one of Rose’s in lieu of pajamas.</p><p>“I don’t want a story tonight,” Sianin said, curling up in bed and tugging her blankets to her chest.</p><p>He wasn’t going to insist. He wasn’t sure his eyes could focus on reading a book to her. “Okay. Just for tonight, though. Goodnight, Sianin. I love you very, very much.”</p><p>She grunted and tilted her head up to accept his kiss before nuzzling into her pillow and promptly falling asleep.</p><p>He left her room and shuffled across the hall to Ainsley’s room. The light was still on. He knocked and pushed open the door in the same second; however, a yelp halted his movements.</p><p>“<em>Dad</em>! <em>Wait</em>!”</p><p>The door slammed in his face and he cringed, his face heating. “Ainsley, I’m sorry, darling.”</p><p>“I was changing!”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said again, raking his fingers through his hair. “I didn’t mean to barge in.”</p><p>She said nothing, but thirty seconds later, she opened the door for him. She was scowling up at him, her arms crossed at her chest. “What’s the point in knocking if you’re going to just come in anyway?”</p><p>“You’re exactly right,” James said patiently. “I am very, very sorry. I promise I’ll wait in the future. I’m sorry.”</p><p>She relaxed a fraction. “I was already mostly dressed anyway. Not sure you even saw anything. Sorry for snapping. It wasn’t that big of a deal.”</p><p>“Yes, it is,” he said firmly. “This is your room, your space. I want to respect that as much as I can, including respecting a closed door.”</p><p>She flashed him a small smile. “Thanks.”</p><p>“Right, into bed with you.”</p><p>She pulled down the covers and slipped onto the mattress. He leaned down and brushed her hair away from her face before planting a kiss to her forehead.</p><p>She wrinkled her nose. “Your breath <em>stinks</em>.”</p><p>“Gee, thanks, Ains,” he said dryly, flicking her nose lightly.</p><p>“Just saying,” she replied sweetly, a smirk tugging at her lips. “Love you, Dad.”</p><p>“I love you too. Nighty night. Sweet dreams.”</p><p>He fussed with her blankets for a moment longer before he straightened and left the room, flipping the lights off as he did.</p><p>When he returned to the living room, Rose was sprawled across the sofa, shirtless, a half-empty bottle of wine in her fist. She drank directly from it and beamed when she saw him.</p><p>“Hey handsome,” she purred. She wiggled the bottle in his direction. “Wanna help me finish it. I’ve lost the cork so we ought to drink it so it doesn’t go to waste.”</p><p>“Is that right?” he drawled.</p><p>“Mhm,” she said, taking another swig.</p><p>Never mind the fact that they had plenty of wine stoppers, James plopped onto the couch beside his wife and took the proffered bottle.</p><p>“As lovely as you are, where’s your shirt?”</p><p>She gestured vaguely to the floor. “Somewhere over there.”</p><p>He glanced around and saw a ball of fabric in the middle of their living room floor. “And why is your shirt somewhere over there?”</p><p>“I was hot,” she complained.</p><p>And she looked it: her face was bright red and shiny. Now that she said something, he realized how hot their living room was. His cheeks seemed to radiate heat, sending it down his neck and into is chest until his shirt felt sweltering. Wordlessly, he passed the wine back to her and leaned forward just far enough to strip his shirt over his head and drop it to the floor by their feet.</p><p>“Mmm… you look even hotter now,” Rose murmured, her half-glazed eyes scanning across his bare torso. “Gettin’ me all hot and bothered.”</p><p>He hummed and puffed up his chest a little bit as he took the bottle from her and took a long gulp.</p><p>“My turn,” she said, turning into his side to grab the bottle from him. She glugged down several swallows, nearly choking on a snort as he whisper-chanted, “Chug chug chug chug…”</p><p>She was slightly out of breath when she handed the bottle to him. As though it were a big secret, she confided, “I… I am prop… proly… prop’ly <em>wasted</em>.”</p><p>“Me too,” he hummed, his body delightfully buoyant. His head was spinning and he wasn’t entirely sure he’d be able to get up and walk to their bedroom without tripping and falling flat on his face.</p><p>“I am <em>so</em> in love with you,” Rose said, grinning lazily up at him. “<em>So</em> in love.”</p><p>“Me too,” he repeated.</p><p>“Your elo… equlo… eloque… your way with words is… is <em>astounding</em>,” she teased, pinching his waist and draping herself into his side.</p><p>“What’d’you expect? The most beautiful woman in the universe is half-naked and half in my lap,” he said.</p><p>“Hmmm… do you want the most beat’ful woman in the universe fully naked and fully in your lap?”</p><p>The heat thrumming through James’s veins suddenly concentrated in his groin. He had barely begun to nod when Rose was shimmying out of her trousers. They were soft, stretchy yoga trousers, so she didn’t need to fumble with a button or zipper, but she still struggled to coordinate her limbs enough to tug them down her legs.</p><p>“M’pretty sure m’legs used t’be shorter,” she grumbled as her ankles got stuck.</p><p>He reached over and helped. Well, he grabbed a handful of fabric and began yanking. Eventually, her trousers fell to the floor, leaving her in her bra and a pair of white cotton knickers.</p><p>She frowned down at them. “Didn’t expect you’d see these. Sorry.”</p><p>“They’re very sexy,” he assured. She turned her frown on him. “They are! Primarily b’cos the sexiest woman in the universe is wearing them. You make your clothes sexy, Rose. Not th’other way ‘round.”</p><p>“How are you able to talk so smoothly?” Rose demanded. “Words feel… feel… they feel… far away.”</p><p>“Oh, you know me. Gob always going. I think words are basically ingrained in m’brain and come out whether I want them to or not, so I’m just going on autopilot now, love. Doesn’t matter. We were in the middle of something. Wasn’t I about to have the most beautiful woman in the world fully naked and fully in my lap?”</p><p>“Hmmm. You’ve got too many clothes.” Rose tugged on the waistband of his jeans. “S’no fun being naked when my naked partner isn’t naked.”</p><p>“You make a compelling argument,” James replied, and he pushed himself off of the couch to stand on wobbly legs.</p><p>He hadn’t realized how heavily Rose had been leaning on him, though. She yelped and fell sideways onto the sofa, where she dissolved into hysterical laughter. He joined in, especially when he nearly tumbled to his arse as he shucked off his trousers.</p><p>“Ta-da!” he crowed when he was left in nothing but his boxer-briefs.</p><p>Rose beamed up at him, her face bright red. She squirmed around for a minute, then managed to haul herself up onto an elbow, bringing her face to crotch-level. James was painfully aware of all the blood that was throbbing between his legs; he looked down to see he had half a stiffie tenting the front of his pants.</p><p>“Well hello,” Rose purred to his crotch, covering his erection with her palm.</p><p>He sighed and tipped his head back as gentle warmth and pleasure rolled through him. Rose then carefully tugged the waistband of his boxer-briefs down just far enough to free his cock. Without warning, she slotted her mouth over him. His hips jolted forward and he nearly stumbled on top of her. She let out a small gag, recoiling, and he took a hurried step back.</p><p>“Sorry! God, I’m sorry!” he squeaked, panting, but she was laughing.</p><p>“What a news story that would make,” she said, eyes bright with mirth. “‘<em>Local woman chokes to death in drunken attempt at a blow job</em>’.”</p><p>James giggled in return. “Sorry. I wasn’t expecting that.” He paused, his cheeks flaming as he stuttered, “Can… can we try again?”</p><p>“Do you want your cock in my mouth?” she asked, blinking up at him through lowered lashes.</p><p>The blood fell out of his cheeks and back into his cock. “Yes please.”</p><p>He was ready this time when Rose leaned forward and took him into her mouth. He groaned softly as he was surrounded by heat and wet. Pleasure fizzed through him, mounting so quickly he was worried about popping off in her mouth within the next few seconds; it would be doubly embarrassing because he wasn’t even fully hard yet. But the intensity receded slightly after a moment, and he began to worry a bit less about coming prematurely.</p><p>“Love you,” he whispered, threading his fingers through her hair. He didn’t try to guide her motions or speed her up, he simply wanted to touch her. And he needed a bit of help to keep his balance.</p><p>After another minute, she pulled off of him and smiled apologetically. “Sorry. My neck’s getting a bit cramped.”</p><p>“S’okay,” he said. “My legs are a bit wobbly and I’m pretty sure I’d fall on you if you made me come.”</p><p>“Were you close?” she asked.</p><p>“A little,” he admitted.</p><p>“Me too,” she answered cheekily. It was then that he realized she’d had one of her hands down her knickers. The sight made his cock throb.</p><p>“Allow me. Get on your back.”</p><p>Her eyes darkened at the command, but she complied. Her hand was still down her pants, moving in lazy circles.</p><p>“I want to see.” That was the only warning he gave before he grabbed at the waistband of her knickers and began tugging them down her legs.</p><p>He was sure there was a trick to this—he knew he’d done this thousands of times before—but his movements were jagged and her knickers kept getting caught on unseen barriers. He grumbled and growled, but finally her knickers were on the floor, leaving her gloriously naked.</p><p>She had helped him remove her knickers as much as she could, but now her hands had wandered down between her legs once more. She was glistening with desire, and his stomach tightened in anticipation.</p><p>“Let me see you,” he said, his voice gruff.</p><p>“Gimme your shirt,” Rose said. He furrowed his brow. “Shirt… pants… something to put under me. Don’ want awkward stains on th’sofa.”</p><p>“Oh. Right. Yeah.”</p><p>He pawed on the floor for both of their shirts—just to be safe—and he deftly slid them beneath her bum when she angled her hips up.</p><p>“God, you’re gorgeous,” he said, fumbling out of his own underwear. “So gorgeous.”</p><p>She beamed at him, but her face loosened as her fingers disappeared between her legs. She moaned softly as she stroked herself, her movements slow and lazy as though they had all the time in the world.</p><p>He loved when they did this. He loved watching her pleasure herself. He knelt on the sofa cushion beside her and stroked his erection, trying to savor this moment as long as he could. Her skin was flushed red from arousal and alcohol, and her breathing was shortening as her fingers sped up.</p><p>“I’m so close, James,” she sighed, head lolling back in pleasure. “Feels so good.”</p><p>He cursed under his breath as his stomach dropped in warning. “Me too.”</p><p>“Get inside me,” she ordered suddenly. “Now.”</p><p>He groaned at the need in her voice, echoing the need in his body. He crawled on top of her, settling himself between her hips. He choked down a cry when she took him in her hand, her fingers slick with her own moisture. She rubbed the tip of him against herself and hissed out a low string of curses.</p><p>“Rose,” he panted, his whole body shuddering with impending release. “Rose, I'm gonna come. I’m really gonna…”</p><p>“Not yet,” she pleaded, arching her hips to try and get him lined up.</p><p>Her fingers were stroking him as she tried and failed again and again to get the angle right. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to think of anything except the feel of her and of the mounting, overwhelming pleasure thrumming through him.</p><p>“Rose,” he grunted in warning as the pressure at his spine flared hot. “I’m seriously going to come. D’you want it like this or…?”</p><p>“No, I want you in me but you aren’t fitting,” she whined, frustrated. “You <em>always</em> fit!”</p><p>“Allow me.” He batted her hand away from his cock. He throbbed in time with his heart, a steady, pulsing beat that promised so much relief and pleasure that he nearly said <em>sod it</em> and stroked himself to completion.</p><p>But he also wanted to be inside his wife. He wanted to satisfy her, and her desire for him to be in her. Squeezing the base of his cock to try to stave off his imminent orgasm, he lined himself up, shuddering as her wet heat teased him. He had seconds, maybe, before he’d be past the point of no return. He could feel it swelling deep within him.</p><p>“I’m not going to last once I’m in you,” he warned.</p><p>“Me either,” Rose said, her fingers circling her clit now that his cock was no longer rubbing it. “James, <em>in</em>!”</p><p><em>God, she was tight.</em> Her muscles were already clenching in preparation, and he growled deep in his throat as he finally pushed into her. She let out a cry that was probably far too loud but he didn’t care. He didn’t care because he was inside of his wife and she was so hot and wet and she was shattering around him, pulling him into her. Her muscles pulsed and throbbed around him as she gripped his arse, her nails biting into his sensitive flesh.</p><p>She moaned into his ear, wordless sounds that he wanted to echo, wanted to <em>feel</em>. The sensation of her breath in his ear sent searing goosebumps across his skin and <em>finally</em> pushed him over the edge.</p><p>“Oh, <em>fuck</em>,” he croaked, his hips stuttering as he chased his own high. “I’m gonna… I need to… Rose, I’m gonna…”</p><p>Words failed him as he squeezed his eyes shut. He was right on the cusp, right on the edge of heat and pressure and infinity. She breathed his name and squeezed his arse, and that was all it took. The electric thrum at the base of his spine sparked and he thrust deeply into her with a garbled shout of relief.</p><p>Everything was hot and wet and pulsing, friction and slipping and sliding, as time lost all meaning. His world narrowed to him and Rose and the place they were joined and the rush of endorphins flooding his body.</p><p>“God,” he gritted out, his orgasm raging through him. Body trembling, his coordination abandoned him; he collapsed onto Rose.</p><p>Panting raggedly, he tucked his face into her neck and prayed that none of their children would leave their room for the next few minutes, because he didn’t think he would be able to move from where he was to grab a blanket or something to cover up with. He was utterly sated, drowsy, and boneless, and the thought of moving was abhorrent.</p><p>“I love you,” he rasped, wriggling his arms under Rose’s shoulders to hold her closer. He felt as though he couldn’t hold her tightly enough. “God, I love you. I love you.”</p><p>Silence greeted him, and he frowned. Why wasn’t Rose talking to him? She always talked to him after a round of fantastic sex. And for that matter, why wasn’t she hugging him back? Her hands were lying limply on the small of his back.</p><p>“Rose, love?” He forced himself to pull back. Rose’s eyes were closed; she was asleep.</p><p>He chuckled under his breath, choosing not to be offended. Instead, he was rather pleased that he had worn her out so thoroughly. (He willfully ignored the fact that she tended to be a sleepy drunk).</p><p>But as beautiful and serene as she looked, this was not an appropriate place for them to fall asleep, especially in their current state.</p><p>“Rose,” he said, caressing her cheek. “Rooooose.”</p><p>He lifted himself off of her, slipping out of her. Her nose wrinkled and her eyes cracked open. She blinked blearily a few times, then grinned up at him. “That was so fun.”</p><p>“Indeed it was,” he agreed.</p><p>“Did you come?”</p><p>He laughed out loud. “Yes, I did. Quite intensely. You didn’t notice? You can’t… you can’t feel the… ehm, <em>evidence</em>?”</p><p>“Can’t feel much of anything,” Rose responded with a shrug. “My whole body feels hot and tingly. My lady bits feel <em>so </em>good, James.”</p><p>“I’m glad.”</p><p>“C’mere,” she said, closing her eyes and reaching blindly for his arm. She tugged weakly, and whined when he didn’t lie down with her.</p><p>“We have to go to bed,” he said, kissing the corner of her mouth.</p><p>“M’trying, but you’re being stubborn,” she said, continuing to yank on his arm.</p><p>“Rose, we’re naked on our couch. We’re very drunk and therefore probably going to sleep like a rock. D’you really want Ainsley and Sianin to catch us in the morning like this?”</p><p>“Stop being so log...lolgic… so smart,” she said, attempting to flick him but missing.</p><p>“You’ll thank me in the morning,” he said. “Come.”</p><p>“Already did,” she said sweetly, sticking her tongue out at him.</p><p>He rolled his eyes. “Come to bed.”</p><p>“Oooh, can we do it again?” Rose asked, glancing up at him with dark eyes.</p><p>“If you don’t pass out on me first,” he said, even though he wasn’t sure he’d be able to get hard again for another round of lovemaking. His body felt limp and exhausted, and he wanted nothing more than to curl up with the love of his life and never move again.</p><p>She blew a raspberry at him, but she squirmed around on the couch until she had enough leverage to sit up. She squeezed her eyes shut and clutched at the couch cushions.</p><p>“All right?” he asked.</p><p>“Room went all wibbly wobbly.”</p><p>He nodded, and waited for her to stop looking like she was going to collapse back against the couch.</p><p>“I drank too much,” Rose sighed.</p><p>“So did I,” he said. “It was fun though, wasn’t it?”</p><p>“Mhm. I think I need help walking,” she confessed.</p><p>“Okay, up we get,” he said, getting to his feet. He wasn’t much steadier than she was, and he nearly lost his balance trying to pull her to her feet. She swayed, but stayed standing. “I’m gonna gather our clothes.”</p><p>“No, I don’t want clothes,” she said, grimacing. “S’too hot.”</p><p>“I’m picking them up so Ainsley and Sianin won’t see them,” he said. “Don’t need them knowing what their mum and dad got up to after they went to bed.”</p><p>“They prob’ly heard us,” Rose said.</p><p>“I was trying not to think of that, thanks,” he said dryly.</p><p>He had accepted the fact that Ainsley and Sianin often overheard their lovemaking, no matter how quiet they tried to be—though they were far from quiet this time, to his embarrassment. But it didn’t make it any less awkward to know that his children knew whenever he and Rose had sex. He hoped it didn’t disgust them too much.</p><p>“Do you think we have too much sex?” he asked, balling up their discarded clothes in one arm and wrapping his other around Rose.</p><p>“There’s no such thing, is there?”</p><p>He shrugged.</p><p>“Ja-<em>aaaames</em>.” Rose poked his temple. “What’s goin’ on in your brain?” She poked his temple again. “I love your brain but sometimes it’s stupid.”</p><p>He swatted her hand away before she accidentally hit his eye.</p><p>“I dunno. I guess I was just wondering if we were being inappropriate.” The words felt silly as soon as they left his mouth.</p><p>Rose stopped and turned so suddenly that it nearly sent them sprawling to the floor.</p><p>“We’re both consenting adults,” she said, frowning up at him.</p><p>“I know,” he said.</p><p>“We’ve been shaggin’ for… er…” Rose’s mouth moved silently as she ticked off her fingers. “Sixteen years. I think. Something like that. A lot of years. We’ve been shagging for a <em>long time</em>.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“And we love each other. A lot. Hence all the shagging.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>Rose frowned. “So… what’s the problem?”</p><p>“Don’t people’s sex drives usually decline as they get older?” he asked. “Especially once kids come around?”</p><p>“Are you… what are you saying? Do you not want to have sex with me?”</p><p>“No! I mean, yes. Of course I want to have sex with you.”</p><p>“S’okay if you don’t. It’d make me really sad but I’d do it for you—or, rather, <em>not</em> do it with you—‘cos I love you a lot.”</p><p>“Rose, I <em>love </em>having sex with you,” he said, wishing he’d never brought this conversation up in the first place.</p><p>“And I love having sex with you,” she said, still frowning. “M’really confused. I think we are both way too drunk to be having this conversation. At least <em>I’m</em> way too drunk. I don’t even understand what you’re freaking out about.”</p><p>“I’m not <em>freaking out</em>,” he muttered petulantly. At her raised eyebrow, he admitted, “I think it’s because I’m drunk that I’m worrying about this.”</p><p>Finally, her frown softened and she turned into him. She looped her arms around his shoulders and hauled him down for a clumsy kiss. The kiss was far too short for his liking, but it felt nice nevertheless. When she pulled back, she said, “Stop thinking so hard. We have fantastic sex, so why should we ever stop? Eh? Getting laid every week is <em>amazing</em>. I highly recommend it to everyone.”</p><p>He giggled and he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Oh, I love you. Thank you.”</p><p>“I love you, too. Don’t worry about normal, James. We’re not normal and we’ve never been normal. We have loads of sex which has made loads of babies, whom we love so very much that it makes you an excellent father which in turn makes me even hornier for you, which makes us have loads more sex.”</p><p>“Can’t argue with that logic,” he snorted, smiling fondly at her. “But you forgot one key piece: seeing you being an excellent mum to our girls makes me hot and bothered for you, too.”</p><p>“It does?” she asked, blinking.</p><p>He rolled his eyes. “<em>Yes</em>.”</p><p>“What…? Why?”</p><p>“Why do you get hot and bothered whenever you see me being a good dad?”</p><p>“I dunno.”</p><p>“Same here. There’s probably some sort of biological or evolutionary answer that my drunk brain can’t quite come up with. Wanting to create offspring with a partner who will raise the young or something.”</p><p>“You get so fucking sexy when you talk science,” she said, staring at his mouth.</p><p>“I’m pretty sure that’s the wine talking,” he said, giving her waist a squeeze. “Come on. Let’s clean up and go to bed.”</p><p>After a bit of half-hearted grumbling, Rose followed James down the hall. They took turns in the loo cleaning up and brushing their teeth. James had the forethought to set glasses of water on each of their nightstands to try to combat the hangover they were sure to have when they woke up.</p><p>His body was heavy and numb when he collapsed into bed beside Rose. She draped herself across him and whispered, “You said we could do it again.”</p><p>The grin in her voice told him she wasn’t serious, but he poked her ribs anyway. She giggled into the darkness and tucked her face into his neck, sighing. “You’re a really great shag.”</p><p>“So are you,” he replied, words getting fuzzier in his head as his eyes refused to open. “The best shag in the world. Best soulmate in the world, too.”</p><p>“You’re such a sappy drunk,” she hummed, kissing the shell of his ear. “I like it.”</p><p>His retort died on his tongue as consciousness finally slipped away from him and he fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.</p><p>When James and Rose awoke the following morning, it was with the anticipated headache—made worse by the sounds of two over-exuberant children—and only vague impressions of what had happened the night before.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Any and all comments are greatly appreciated 💜 It takes a lot of work to take the James and Rose in my head and write them down for others to read and enjoy 💜</p><p>Remember to subscribe to this story or to me if you want email notifications when I update.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>James and Rose learn about and deal with the consequences of past actions. </p><p>Chapter Word Count: ~ 6150</p><p>Chapter Rating: Teen</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>With this chapter, the word count of this soulmates series has surpassed half a million! 🥳🥳🥳 Thanks to everyone who is still with me on this epic journey 💜💜💜</p><p>Ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the start of the chapter:<br/>James: 39<br/>Rose: 34<br/>Ainsley: 9<br/>Sianin: 6<br/>Twins: 6 months</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nearly a month after first making the mental note, Rose finally had an appointment to sort out birth control. She knew she and James hadn’t been as stringent as they should have been with condom usage, even after their pregnancy scare a month ago. Luckily, though, her body was still adjusting, working to get back to normal after the birth of the twins. She’d only gotten one period between then and now—the absence of which caused the pregnancy scare in the first place—and she wouldn’t be too upset if her period decided to stay away for the foreseeable future.</p><p>The appointment was in the late afternoon, nudging into school pickup for Ainsley and Sianin; however, since it had taken so long to get on the schedule in the first place, and sometimes it took weeks to get a better time slot, James promised he’d take the afternoon off to collect their elder kids from school.</p><p>Rose dropped the twins off with her father-in-law on the afternoon of her appointment. As always, he was thrilled to see his grandchildren, and after a quick cup of tea, Rose drove herself to the medical center.</p><p>She had to wait longer than she would have liked, thanks to some of the morning appointments having run late, but Rose occupied herself with a few games on her phone, as well as giving James a heads up that she might be late coming home.</p><p>When her name was eventually called, Rose was surprised yet relieved to see her usual midwife, Elizabeth, smiling from the doorway.</p><p>“I hear it’s been a madhouse for you lot today,” Rose said conversationally while she followed her midwife down a corridor.</p><p>They made a pit stop at the loo so Rose could provide a urine sample, then they continued on to an examination room. While Elizabeth went through the preliminary checks, gathering height, weight, blood pressure, and temperature, Rose gushed about her family and excitedly shared photos of all of the kids, but especially the twins.</p><p>“Maddie is <em>so close</em> to crawling,” she said, pulling up a video of the baby on her hands and knees, rocking backward and forward. “Hannah’s content to be carried around everywhere though. And they’ve both got their first tooth. They’re eating solids now; I hardly ever breastfeed them anymore.”</p><p>“They’ve gotten so big,” Elizabeth cooed. “I could just pinch those chubby cheeks!”</p><p>“James and I regularly do,” Rose said, beaming. “As does Ainsley.”</p><p>“Baby cheeks are irresistible. Is your middle girl adjusting better to the twins?”</p><p>“Yeah, Sianin has more or less accepted the fact that they’re a permanent fixture in the family. She plays with them sometimes, but mostly ignores them. Which is better than her being moody and miserable like she was, so James and I are counting it as a win.”</p><p>Shortly thereafter, Elizabeth left the room so Rose could change into a gown, and to get the IUD she would be inserting. As soon as the door snicked shut, Rose donned the hospital gown then lounged on the exam table. Her mind wandered while she waited, thinking about what she wanted for dinner, groceries they would need to pick up soon, plans for James’s fortieth birthday next month. And all the while, a medley of children’s songs played on a never-ending loop in her head.</p><p>Rose was pulled out of the theme tune of Peppa Pig by a knock on the door. A grave-faced Elizabeth entered the room, empty-handed.</p><p>“Is something wrong?” Rose asked, sitting up straight as her pulse kicked up a notch.</p><p>“I’ve got a bit of news,” Elizabeth said gently, pulling up her rolling chair to sit by Rose’s side. “Your urine sample… we always test for pregnancy before inserting an IUD, or prescribing any other sort of birth control. And, well, yours came back positive.”</p><p>Rose cocked her head to the side, an odd buzzing sound in her ears. Her body felt far too light, as if she were about to float off the table, and she was suddenly wracked with chills, even though she felt overheated.</p><p>“Rose?”</p><p>Elizabeth rested her hand on Rose’s forearm, but she barely felt the touch.</p><p>“I… I don’t… I don’t understand.”</p><p>“You’re pregnant,” Elizabeth said, her voice impossibly soft.</p><p>Still, the synapses of her brain weren’t firing. “But… how…?”</p><p>“The same way it always happens.”</p><p>“Yes, thank you,” Rose snapped, finally, <em>finally</em> coming back to her body. She thought she might be sick. Pregnant? She was pregnant? That couldn’t be right. “Can you test it again? There must be some mistake. I can’t be… I’m not…” She couldn’t even bring herself to say the word. <em>Pregnant.</em></p><p>“I take it this is a surprise.” It wasn’t entirely a question.</p><p>“Obviously,” Rose said scathingly. “Seeing as I came here for birth control.” Shit shit <em>shit.</em></p><p>“Do you know how far along you might be?” Elizabeth asked.</p><p>Rose wracked her brain, shaking her head. She couldn’t possibly be pregnant. There was no way. Though she and James usually remembered to use a condom, they didn’t always; but that didn’t matter because their bodies had <em>proved</em> they had trouble conceiving.</p><p>“My period has been irregular since the twins,” Rose said. “I haven’t had a proper one in months. Some spotting here and there.”</p><p>Elizabeth frowned meaningfully. Rose hastened to add, “I took a pregnancy test though. It came back negative. So I can’t be…” </p><p>“Do you remember when you took the test?”</p><p>“Er… last month some time. Wait. Can you hand me my bag?”</p><p>Elizabeth handed over Rose’s purse, and Rose dug through it for her phone. She opened up her calendar app and scanned through the dates for mid-August.</p><p>“Yeah, sometime around August tenth. We had a pipe that burst under our sink and… well, long story short, I realized I hadn’t had a period in a while. I took a test and it came back negative. That’s when James and I decided we might want to get on a more reliable form of birth control than hoping we pause for a condom.”</p><p>Rose’s cheeks flushed as she snapped her mouth shut with a click. That had been a little more than a month ago. An entire month. Why had it taken her so long to make an appointment in the first place? She should have called Elizabeth that very afternoon to get set up with birth control.</p><p>“Do you think that test was a false negative?” Rose asked miserably. “I mean, I took several. All came back negative.”</p><p>“My guess is probably not,” Elizabeth said. “Home pregnancy tests are extremely accurate nowadays. And especially considering the fact that you took multiple tests and they all came back negative makes the result more reliable; the chance that all of them gave you a false negative increases exponentially with each subsequent test taken.</p><p>“Let’s work under the assumption that you were not already pregnant on or around August tenth. Can you narrow it down a bit further for me? When was the last time you and James were sexually active between then and now?”</p><p>“That’s not gonna help. We have a… very active sex life,” Rose muttered, face burning. “Weekly, at the very least. Sometimes it’s multiple times a week, if we’re lucky.”</p><p>“Are there any moments you can recall that you didn’t use protection?” Elizabeth asked.</p><p>“We’re usually careful. Especially after that pregnancy scare. I don’t…”</p><p>But they <em>hadn’t</em> been careful, had they? Rose knew she and James weren’t as diligent with contraceptives as they should have been. How many times had they let the mood take them without thinking of stopping for a condom? <em>Shit damn bollocks fucking shit</em>.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Rose whispered, tears burning behind her eyes. She sniffed hard and blinked to dispel her watery vision.</p><p>“If conception occurred sometime between August tenth and now—our pregnancy test is sensitive enough to give accurate results even just a week after conception—that only puts you between three to six weeks pregnant. With a gestational age of anywhere from one to four weeks. Ballpark due date is next spring, probably sometime in May. I’ll be able to give you a more accurate due date in a month or two when I can measure fetal growth.”</p><p>“It doesn’t feel real,” Rose admitted, grinding the heel of her hand into her eyes until bright colors bloomed. “Are you <em>sure</em> it was my urine sample?”</p><p>“Positive,” Elizabeth said. “If you were to take an at-home pregnancy test, it will tell you the same thing. If it wasn’t so early in your pregnancy, I would offer an ultrasound for you. But we wouldn’t see anything. Your baby, well, isn’t a baby yet. It’s just a small clump of cells. No defined features, no organs.” Elizabeth paused for a very long, heavy moment. “Our office has the resources… if you and James decide to not go forward with the pregnancy.”</p><p>It took a minute for the penny to drop.</p><p>Rose let her hands fall from her face. In all of the panic that was clouding her thoughts, never once had it crossed her mind that she didn’t need to carry through with the pregnancy. Was that what she wanted? What would James want?</p><p>“I don’t… I don’t know…”</p><p>“Take some time,” Elizabeth advised. “Process the news. Have a chat with James. And please call our offices if you need any information, regardless of what you decide.”</p><p>A dense, disorienting fog settled over Rose and her body moved of its own accord. She couldn’t remember getting dressed, or walking out of the office, but she was suddenly in her car. James had their eight-person vehicle, leaving her with their small sedan; the twins’ car seats were in the back, and Rose realized this car was far, far too small given the prospect of adding a new baby to the mix. How were they supposed to fit a third car seat back there? Was it physically possible to fit a third one?</p><p>That meant they would need to upgrade vehicles again, an expense they weren’t planning. God, and they would need to get even more baby furniture. The twins would still be in their cribs in nine months; they would need another crib for their new baby. And another pram. Or at least a different one. Did three-baby prams even exist?</p><p>The sounds of police sirens broke Rose out of her head. Panicked, she looked around to see if she was the one being pulled over. Flashing lights approached in the rear mirror, but no, the police cars passed her, on their way to deal with some other emergency.</p><p>Rose went to a nearby pharmacy, where she went inside and purchased half a dozen pregnancy tests. She disappeared into the public toilet to take two of them immediately. A small part of her was sure that Elizabeth had gotten it wrong—she couldn’t <em>possibly</em> be pregnant—so it came as a great shock to see the little plus sign appear on both tests.</p><p>She was pregnant.</p><p>Again.</p><p>Merely six months after giving birth to twins. Twins that had taken four years to conceive.</p><p>Rose was in her car again, not sure how she’d gotten there, and not sure what happened to the two positive pregnancy tests. She hoped she’d thrown them away and hadn’t simply left them sitting on the floor of the loo.</p><p>She was driving aimlessly, mindlessly, with no destination in mind. She ought to collect the twins from her father-in-law, but she didn’t feel ready to face anybody yet. Robert was sure to realize something was wrong, but how could she tell him before she told James? How was she even supposed to tell James? She was supposed to come home with the news that her IUD was inserted successfully, not that they were expecting another baby.</p><p>So she drove. She drove and drove and drove, the shadows from the late afternoon sun lengthening with every mile that passed. She eventually found herself at the park that she and James frequently took their kids to. Since her back and bum were sore from sitting for so long, she parked her car and got out to start walking.</p><p>All the while, her mind kept churning over one thought. <em>I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant.</em></p><p>Again and again, those words circled through her mind until ‘pregnant’ felt like a fake, made-up word with no meaning.</p><p>Because how was she possibly pregnant? How had her body conceived a baby so quickly, so <em>easily</em>, when it had struggled to do it for four years? A deep, aching sense of betrayal washed through her, as though her body had done this on purpose to spite her.</p><p>How was she supposed to have a baby when she’d just had two of them? The twins were so young, so new, and now a baby would usurp the stage from them, taking the spotlight away from those two little miracles. It wasn’t fair to Hannah and Maddie. The high of their birth hadn’t properly worn off yet, but now Rose needed to begin preparing for the arrival of a new baby. </p><p>Where were she and James even supposed to <em>put</em> the baby? Their house couldn’t physically hold another person, unless they made Ainsley and Sianin share a bedroom. And that wasn’t fair. Let alone that it would be a tight squeeze for the two of them to fit in one room, they’d both gotten used to having their own space; she couldn’t force them to share a bedroom. Especially if it was because of her and James’s irresponsible actions; it would break her heart for Ainsley and Sianin to resent the baby because it took one of their rooms.</p><p>There was always the manor in Scotland. She and James had been planning to move there next summer, to give Ainsley and Sianin plenty of time to wrap their minds around the fact that they’d be moving, and to give themselves ample time to do any updates or renovations the manor might need. Would they now have to bump up the timeline and rush to get the manor ready? Would they have to rush to move in time for the baby to be born? Or would they keep with their current plan, and simply deal with a crowded house for a couple months? After all, it’s not like a newborn took up much space; she and James could easily keep the baby in their bedroom for a while, as they often did for the first few months.</p><p>And what would Ainsley and Sianin think? Ainsley probably would be excited to get another sibling, but Sianin… Sianin had struggled for <em>months </em>to adjust to the presence of the twins. She’d struggled with finding her place in the new family dynamic, and with understanding that she couldn’t occupy the center of attention all the time. Would she regress once more? Would she hate the baby? Would she hate them, for foisting a new baby into the family again so quickly?</p><p>Oh God, how would James react? This whole time, Rose had been operating under the assumption that he would be supportive—that they would be a <em>team</em>—but what if he wasn’t? They’d had the conversation that they didn’t want a baby any time soon, hence the appointment to get an IUD; what if he was upset? What if he didn’t want this baby?</p><p>That thought choked her and weakened her knees until she slumped down onto a bench.</p><p>She had been wandering for God only knew how long, her anxiety a constant, tightening band around her chest. The only thing keeping her from losing herself to her despair was, ironically, the baby.</p><p>Because despite everything, despite the hardships and complications and challenges they would bring, Rose loved her baby. She <em>loved</em> her baby. She’d only just learned about them, but she loved them. She loved that she was a mother again to a brand new human being that she had made together with James. Yes, she was upset with her body for getting pregnant so quickly after it had struggled for so long before, but she was also proud of her body for creating a new life. She was overjoyed that she and James loved each other so much, so vibrantly, so consumingly that they’d made a baby together.</p><p>She was excited to meet her baby, to see what life had in store for her family and for this new little human. She yearned to feel movement inside her belly, to feel the sharp jabs of a foot or an elbow, all proof that she was growing a human being inside herself.</p><p>With shaking hands, Rose covered her belly, offering her baby a quick greeting. It didn’t matter that they were only a small clump of cells; this was her <em>child</em>, and she was so head over heels in love that she thought her body might tear apart at the seams.</p><p>“You sure know how to make an entrance, my love,” Rose murmured, well aware that she would look like an absolute nutter to any passersby. “But we’ll make it work. Your daddy and I will always make it work.”</p><p>A sense of calm and peace settled over Rose for the first time since learning of the pregnancy. All of her muscles unknotted, leaving her feeling stiff and sore and more than a little exhausted. She knew she ought to head home, since she’d stayed out much later than she’d planned, but she couldn’t quite muster the strength yet. So she sat there on a park bench and watched the families and couples enjoying an early evening stroll, taking advantage of the last of summer’s warmth. All too soon, autumn would begin to make itself known, bringing with it cold, damp days.</p><p>Rose was so caught up in her own head that she wasn’t aware of her name being called from a distance. It wasn’t until she caught sight of a figure rapidly approaching out of the corner of her eye that she looked up and saw James sprinting towards her.</p><p>Her heart dropped into her stomach at the sheer panic on his face.</p><p>Leaping to her feet, she demanded, “What happened?”</p><p>“Thank God,” he gasped, throwing his arms around her and crushing her tightly to his chest. “Thank God, thank God, thank God. Where have you <em>been</em>? Are you all right? I was so worried, and you weren’t answering your phone, or our soulmark, and I didn’t know where you were.”</p><p>“James, what happened? What’s wrong?”</p><p>“I thought you’d been <em>abducted</em>!” he nearly shouted, voice breaking. He set her on her feet and pulled back to scan his eyes up and down her body. “Where <em>were you</em>? Didn’t you hear the news?”</p><p>At Rose’s blank stare, he blew out a sharp, impatient sigh. “There was an attempted abduction in town a couple hours ago, a few blocks away from the hospital you were at for your appointment. A man tried taking a blonde woman off the street. Police haven’t caught him. It was so close to where you were, I was worried he’d tried again, that you’d been attacked. I’ve been calling you, texting you. I wrote to you.” He held his arms out in front of her, showing her the sloppy lines of ink darkening his skin. She shoved up the sleeves of her shirt, her stomach twisting at the words that grew progressively more panicked. “But you weren’t answering, so I tracked your phone and I found your car, but you weren’t there. I’ve been running ‘round the park like a nutter trying to find you. I’m so glad you’re safe.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she whispered, folding him into her arms once more. He clung to her, and Rose could feel his heart hammering beneath her ear. She squeezed him tighter. “I’m sorry you were worried. I’m sorry I haven’t checked my phone, or my arms. But I’m safe. I’m okay.”</p><p>James rocked her slowly from side to side as he held her. Kissing the side of her head, he said, “I need to tell Dad I found you. He’s with the kids. Ainsley and Sianin don’t know what’s happening; they think you’re having car trouble.”</p><p>“What time is it?” Rose asked.</p><p>“Half past five,” James answered.</p><p>“<em>Five</em>?” she repeated, incredulous. Her appointment with Elizabeth had ended well over two hours ago. No wonder he was in a panic. “I’m sorry. Time got away from me.”</p><p>“Is everything okay?” he asked. “Why were you out here anyway?”</p><p>Rose exhaled noisily. “Let’s sit.” Though he was keyed up and vibrating with tension, James dutifully sat on the bench beside her. He threaded their fingers together and rubbed his thumb along the back of hers as he waited for her to speak.</p><p>“I got a bit of news at my appointment today,” Rose said, her voice already trembling.</p><p>James’s face paled and his grip turned crushing. “News? What news? Are you okay?”</p><p>“Yeah,” she assured. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just…” Well, there was nothing else for it. “I’m pregnant.”</p><p>He stared at her, unseeing. He blinked. Once. Twice. Three times.</p><p>“James?” she asked tentatively.</p><p>“I don’t understand,” he breathed. He blinked again, then his eyes darted down to her stomach, then back to her face. They made this circuit half a dozen times while his lips moved, tracing the shape ‘pregnant’ and ‘baby’. His hand went limp in hers, until it slipped from between her fingers.</p><p>“I’m pregnant,” she repeated, dropping her voice to a lower register, hoping it would soothe whatever anxiety was racing through his brain.</p><p>“You… you can’t be,” he spluttered. “You <em>can’t</em> be. You were gonna get birth control. We agreed… we weren’t ready for another baby.”</p><p>“It’s not like I did it on purpose,” Rose said, slightly agitated while her heart began to beat uncomfortably quickly. She hadn’t expected him to leap for joy, but she <em>had</em> expected something a little… warmer. “Besides, it sorta takes two people for this kind of thing to happen.”</p><p>“Are… are you sure?” he asked. “Maybe there was a mistake.”</p><p>“I thought so too. I went out and bought a test so I could see for myself. It came back positive.”</p><p>James continued blinking owlishly at her, looking like someone had hit him across the head with something hard and heavy. He let out a long, slow breath, and stared intently at her stomach, as though if he looked hard enough, he would be able to see a baby bump.</p><p>“This is…” His next words were nearly inaudible, as though he were speaking them to himself. “What are we going to do?”</p><p>A knot formed deep in the pit of Rose’s stomach. “What do you mean?”</p><p>James shrugged and shifted his eyes until he was staring at a point behind her shoulder. Her throat closed up; acid churned in her gut until she thought she might be sick.</p><p>“Do you… do you not want this baby?”</p><p>With every second he was silent, her sense of foreboding grew. She’d been sure—<em>so sure</em>—that he would be as positive as she was about the pregnancy. Maybe he wouldn’t be immediately happy, per se, but she’d thought he would at least be excited that they’d made a baby together. But here he was, sitting beside her, thinking about whether or not he even <em>wanted</em> their baby.</p><p>James dropped his gaze to where he was wringing hands until his knuckles turned white. “I… I don’t…” He scrubbed his hands across his face, his shoulders loosening. “No.”</p><p>With one tiny, little word, he’d shattered the thin control she had over herself. The ground seemed to slip out from under her and she was free falling through nothing. There was a loud roaring and rushing in her ears as she tried to figure out what to do or say. What <em>could</em> she even do or say? How was she supposed to reply to something like that?</p><p>All that came out was a breathless “<em>Oh</em>.”</p><p>A fierce, hot, righteous anger swept through her, momentarily blinding her to her pain and her heartbreak. She was <em>furious</em> with him, furious like she’d never been before and never expected to be. How could he <em>do </em>that? How could he <em>say </em>that? How could he so casually dismiss <em>their child</em>, want to throw them away like they were <em>nothing</em>?</p><p>And how were they supposed to move on from this point, when they were at such a heartbreaking intersection, with each of them wanting to take a different road? This wasn’t supposed to happen. They were a team. Partners. <em>Soulmates</em>.</p><p>“Oh! Wait! No! No no no no no! Oh, God no! Wait!”</p><p>Warm, familiar hands grabbed at hers and squeezed hard. Her vision swam with a combination of tears, fury, and a lack of oxygen.</p><p>“Don’t touch me,” she choked out, trying to wrench her hands away. Their <em>baby</em>… he didn’t want their baby…<b></b></p><p>“Wait, Rose, no! I meant “no, I do not <em>not</em> want this baby”. Tricky little double negative. Rose, no. God, how could you think I would so cavalierly toss our baby aside? I <em>do </em>want our baby. Of <em>course</em> I want our baby! How could you ever think I wouldn’t? I <em>love</em> being a dad. I love being a dad so much it hurts sometimes. Of course I want this baby.”</p><p>Though Rose heard his words, they didn’t quite penetrate the fog of panic choking her. Her vision was still swimming and her chest felt tight. Though she’d only known about the baby in her womb for a few hours, she already loved it with every fiber of her being. She loved this baby and its potential and that it would make her a mother again for a fifth time. Her entire body recoiled at the thought of the baby not existing, or, worse, that anyone would dare to suggest they terminate its fledgling little life. And she hated herself that she hadn’t snapped at Elizabeth when the midwife had put the offer on the table; how had she not firmly told Elizabeth that no, she would never even entertain the thought?</p><p>Sure, the timing was a bit rubbish. They just had two babies barely six months ago. But she desperately wanted this baby now too. She couldn’t comprehend <em>not</em> having this baby.</p><p>But did that make her selfish?</p><p>The anxieties that had plagued her all afternoon came back in full force. How would the kids react? Would the twins get neglected? Would Sianin hate her and James and the baby? What would they do regarding the house? Was she going to burn herself and James out? Was James’s university job enough to support another family member? Would she have to go back to work and let her babies be brought up by nannies or nursery workers? How hard would it be to have three babies in the house at once? God, she was so sleep deprived already; could she function on yet another round of sleepless nights with a newborn?</p><p>A band squeezed around her chest, tighter and tighter until her vision went spotty.</p><p>“I <em>do</em> want this baby,” James continued fervently, squeezing her hands hard. She barely felt it, though. Her fingers were numb, her skin tingling all over. “It’s a surprise, no doubt, but it’s a <em>brilliant </em>surprise. I mean… you and I created <em>a child</em> together. I love my children, and this one is absolutely no exception, and even though the timing is somewhat unfortunate, I want this baby more than I can explain and… Rose? Rose, what’s the matter? Are you feeling ill?”</p><p>“Can’t breathe,” she managed to rasp, before attempting to suck in a lungful of air. But no matter how hard she tried to inhale, she felt no relief. Oh God, what was she thinking? Was this baby a good idea after all?</p><p>That thought made her nauseated. How could she say that about her child? She loved this child… didn’t she?</p><p>“Rose, look at me. Look at me, love.”</p><p>His face appeared before hers, brows knitted and mouth tight, but it was speckled with the blackness that was obscuring her vision.</p><p>“Can’t breathe,” she repeated, panicking. She tried again and again to inhale, to gasp in any sip of air she could find, but to no avail. Panic choked her further. She was going to pass out. “Can’t… I can’t…”</p><p>“Rose, you need to exhale,” James said, his voice far-off and muffled. “Breathe out, love.”</p><p>“No, I…” How was she supposed to exhale when she had no breath to do so?</p><p>“Rose, you’ve been holding your breath. Your lungs are already full. Please, love. Look at me. Focus on me.”</p><p>But she couldn’t. She couldn’t see him, and his voice was getting farther and farther away. Was this what dying felt like? She was sure it was.</p><p>“Rose!” His hands gripped her cheeks firmly and angled her face to look at him. “Breathe out. Now. Trust me. You have to exhale. Then I promise, you can inhale. Trust me, love. You have to trust me.”</p><p>If there was anything in the world she had absolute faith in, it was James. Squeezing her eyes shut, Rose put her faith in her soulmate and tried to exhale. To her surprise, her lungs relaxed a fraction, enough for her to suck in that gulp of air she was so desperate for.</p><p>“Again,” he commanded. “Try to let out more of it.”</p><p>She focused hard on the tightness of her chest, imagining that she was squeezing a balloon as she blew out more air than she thought she had in her lungs.</p><p>“Good, good,” he murmured, stroking her cheeks. “Let’s try this again, eh? Big breaths. Slow breaths. Let’s get all that nasty, stale air out, and replenish it with this fresh summer breeze.”</p><p>Rose felt a bit silly, like James was instructing one of their kids, but she complied. Little by little, her head stopped swimming and the cold sweat that had beaded across her body slowly went away.</p><p>“Good. Very good,” he whispered. “How are you feeling?”</p><p>“Okay,” she croaked, finally opening her eyes. He was crouched in front of her, his eyes wide but gentle.</p><p>“Let’s keep breathing for a minute. I don’t like your color. Gotta get those rosy cheeks back. Big, slow breaths. Like they instructed you during labor.”</p><p>She cracked a smile. “This is a fun role reversal, eh? Usually you’re the one having the panic attacks on me.”</p><p>He snorted, but the sound held no humor. “I will gladly have a thousand panic attacks if it means you’re not having one. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m so sorry.”</p><p>Rose continued focusing on her breathing, watching his chest to time her inhales and exhales with his. It took several minutes until her body stopped trembling.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he repeated, bringing her hands to his lips. He kissed the back of each knuckle. “I’m <em>so</em> sorry, Rose. I didn’t mean to send you into a panic. I should’ve considered my words more carefully. I’m so, so sorry.”</p><p>“It wasn’t you,” she reassured. “Well, it wasn’t <em>just</em> you.”</p><p>“Will you share with me everything that has you anxious?” he asked quietly, rising from his crouch to sit beside her again.</p><p>So she did. It took many long minutes to explain everything from her utter delight at having created a baby, to her concerns about their current children reacting to the arrival of a new baby, to her worries about their house being too small.</p><p>“It feels selfish of me,” Rose admitted. “I want this baby, even if it means upsetting the children we already have. What sort of mum does that make me?”</p><p>“A human one,” James said simply. “And a damn good one.”</p><p>“Right, upsetting my four kids makes me the best mum in the world,” Rose scoffed, rolling her eyes.</p><p>“And what about the fifth kid?” She furrowed her brows, and he nodded to her belly. “You love that child despite the struggles and challenges it brings. And if I know you—which I do—you’re going to work so hard to make sure all five of our children are the happiest they can be. And that is what makes you a damn good mother. You love all of our children selflessly, wholly, and consumingly. I am so proud to have you as my parenting partner, and that my children have such a wonderful mother to look up to.”</p><p>Tears burned at her eyes until they overflowed and rolled silently down her cheeks. James offered her a small, supportive smile before he wrapped her in his arms. The moment her face was tucked into the side of his neck, it was as if a dam burst. The day had gone very differently to how she’d expected. Their lives were about to completely change course. It was frightening and exhilarating and so, <em>so</em> overwhelming. She cried quietly into his shoulder as the heavy tension seeped out of her, tear by tear.</p><p>James held her though it, making wordless, soothing sounds in her ear and stroking her back in long, slow strokes. By the time her tears dried up, she felt wrung out and as though she could sleep for a week.</p><p>Rose wiped her face with her sleeve. “Sorry.”</p><p>James leaned away from her to shove his hand into his pocket. He pulled out a crumpled wad of tissues, a chewing gum wrapper, three hair ties, one baby sock, and a small Lego piece.</p><p>“Got any more stuff in there?” Rose teased, accepting the tissues from her husband.</p><p>He stuck his tongue out at her and stuffed everything back into his pocket. Rose blew her nose and blotted her face, then rested her cheek on James’s shoulder.</p><p>“There’s so much to do before the baby comes,” Rose mumbled. “Even though I’m only a couple weeks along, it feels like we have no time to prepare.”</p><p>“We’ll manage,” he murmured, rubbing his hand up and down her thigh. “We can adjust our timeline of moving. We can talk to my dad about beginning the process of having the manor transferred into our name. Or we don’t even need to move to Scotland, if that’s a bit too crazy right now. We can just as easily stay in the area but find a larger home. Or do renovations to our current home; put on an addition.</p><p>“If we do decide to move, there’s options. We can try to get everything settled before the baby comes, though that would mean taking Ainsley and Sianin out of school mid-term, but they’re resilient, they’ll bounce back. Or we could make sure everything is ready before the baby comes, but stay down here until Ainsley and Sianin have finished the school year. It would only be about a month or two, and let’s face it, we usually keep our babies in our room with us for at least that long, so not much would actually change. Or we…”</p><p>“Stop,” Rose said, putting her hand on his leg and squeezing hard. Her head was spinning again. “James, stop. I can’t… I can’t think about all of this right now. It’s too much.”</p><p>He covered her hand and hedged, “We’ll need to think about it soon.”</p><p>“I know,” Rose gritted out. “But… not today. <em>Please</em>. Today has been overwhelming enough.”</p><p>He was quiet for several seconds before he said, “That’s fair. I’m sorry.”</p><p>Rose rested her cheek on his shoulder, both lapsing once more into silence. After half a minute, she said, “We ought to go home.”</p><p>“Oh bugger. I haven’t texted Dad yet to let him know you haven’t been abducted and murdered.”</p><p>“Yeah, you may want to let him know,” she teased, knocking her shoulder against his. “I, er, I’m not ready to tell him about the baby. I know we’ll have to soon, but not today. Same with the girls.”</p><p>James nodded and kissed her brow as he shot off a quick text to his dad. He then stood and pulled Rose to her feet, gathering her in for a tight hug. She returned it just as fiercely.</p><p>“We’re gonna be okay,” he whispered into her ear. “I promise. We’ll figure it out. Everything will work out in the end. I <em>promise</em>.”</p><p>“It’s overwhelming,” she admitted. “We’ve never had an accidental pregnancy before. We’ve always planned everything.”</p><p>“I know.” He nuzzled his nose into the top of her head. “But it’s exciting, right? We made another baby! How wonderful is that?”</p><p>A slow smile crossed her face as she peeked up at her husband. “Yeah. It’s wonderful and terrifying all at once.”</p><p>“Let’s focus on the wonder, eh?” He bent down to kiss her quickly. “The terror can wait ‘til we have a brand-new, fragile human being to bring home with us in nine months.”</p><p>Rose snorted, but she leaned up to kiss him again. “Deal.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As I mentioned in my beginning note, this series has surpassed 500,000 words! A nice way to celebrate with me would be to drop a comment. It takes a lot of time and brain power to produce half a million words, and it is always nice to know that I'm not simply shouting into the void, to know that you're enjoying and appreciating what I'm producing 💜</p><p>Remember to subscribe to this story or to me if you want email notifications when I update.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>James and Rose are still processing the news that they're expecting a new baby.</p><p>Chapter Word Count: ~ 7500</p><p>Chapter Rating: heavy T or soft M (for one scene in the middle)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the start of the chapter:<br/>James: 39<br/>Rose: 34<br/>Ainsley: 9<br/>Sianin: 6<br/>Twins: 6 months</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Robert knew something was amiss when James and Rose arrived home that evening. He kept giving them surreptitious glances, particularly when Rose greeted him enthusiastically, as though she hadn’t seen him in months.</p><p>James wanted to pinch Rose and tell her to stop acting weird, but he knew that would only draw more attention to her behavior. Thankfully, the girls didn’t seem to pick up on anything and instead were thrilled that their mother was so excited to see them.</p><p>He couldn’t blame his wife though. He was emotionally exhausted, and while Rose evidently wanted to pretend everything was happy, perfect, and normal, he wanted to slump onto the nearest flat surface and take a nap. Usually he was the one bouncing off the walls to force everything to appear normal. The role-reversal was odd, but not unpleasant.</p><p>He wondered how he could quickly usher his father out of the house without being rude, but his dad blessedly picked up on the fact that they wanted to be alone and took his leave. Rose hugged Robert tightly and pressed a kiss to his cheek, thanking him yet again for watching the kids that afternoon.</p><p>James followed his dad to his car to see him off.</p><p>“All right, mate, spill,” Robert said as soon as the front door closed behind them.</p><p>“I don’t know what you mean,” James lied, his voice going a bit high before cracking. He cringed and cleared his throat.</p><p>“You and Rose are being odd,” he said, folding his arms. “I think I know you both well enough by now to tell when something’s off.”</p><p>“We’re a bit tired,” James hedged. Not technically untrue—with four children, he and Rose lived in a constant state of semi-exhaustion. “And, well, I <em>did </em>think my wife had been abducted and brutally murdered this afternoon. That’s not exactly a peaceful scenario to have bouncing ‘round my head all day.”</p><p>Robert held James’s gaze until he felt like he was a small, misbehaving child again. He broke eye contact first and stared at the ground, scuffing his bare foot gently into the driveway.</p><p>“Did something happen at Rose’s appointment?” Robert asked. “Is she okay?”</p><p>“Yeah. Yeah, she’s fine,” James said.</p><p>His stomach turned over. Rose said she wasn’t ready for his dad to know about the pregnancy, and he’d agreed. But now, facing his dad, it was getting harder to fumble his way through an excuse. Merely saying “I don’t want to talk about it” would put his dad on high alert, and most likely worry him.</p><p>Moreover, the secret was about to burst out of him. A <em>baby</em>. He was going to be a father again. And as much as he wanted to shout for joy, he also wanted to cower in a dark room, alone, because how the hell were he and Rose supposed to manage five children? And three infants, no less.</p><p>“You cannot speak to Rose about this,” James finally said. “She doesn’t want anyone to know yet.” Robert stood up straighter. James slowly sucked in a deep breath, and on the exhale, he said the words that had been clanging around his head for the past hour and a half. “Rose is pregnant.”</p><p>Robert blinked. “Oh.” <em>Blink.</em> “Well. Er.” <em>Blink blink.</em> “Congratulations. Blimey. Congratulations, mate!”</p><p>He couldn’t help the smile as he thanked his dad.</p><p>“I, er, take it this came as a surprise?” </p><p>James snorted. “Oh, yeah. That’s why Rose disappeared this afternoon. She was in shock and went off by herself to process the news.”</p><p>“And how are you processing the news?” Robert asked carefully.</p><p>“I’m…” The word ‘<em>okay</em>’ lodged in James’s throat. “I dunno, actually. I’m thrilled, obviously. But I’m still in shock too. And I’m also upset. We struggled for years to get pregnant with the twins. And now all of a sudden, our bodies can do it, no problem? It’s not fair. Why did we have so much trouble the last time, and none at all this time when we weren’t even <em>trying</em>? Rose’s appointment today was supposed to be for her to get on birth control.”</p><p>Robert’s face softened and he stepped forward to fold James into his arms.</p><p>“These things just happen sometimes,” Robert said quietly. “It’s not your fault. And it’s not Rose’s. I know you don’t believe as I do, but sometimes God or whatever higher power there is works mysteriously, and we will never understand it.”</p><p>James drew in a shuddering breath, his heart bursting and breaking at the same time. He clung tighter to his father. “I think I took it for granted that Rose and I couldn’t easily conceive. We used condoms, but we weren’t diligent about it.”</p><p>“Understandable,” Robert said, rocking James slowly. “Let me know if there is anything that I can do to help you and Rose.”</p><p>“Actually, there is. Our house isn’t big enough for our family, even less so with the prospect of another child on the way. Rose and I want to move to Scotland, to the manor. If that’s all right.”</p><p>“Of course,” Robert said. “I told you, that house is yours whenever you’re ready for it.”</p><p>“We’re ready,” James said. “Rose and I discussed moving there even before we found out about the baby. It seems like fate is agreeing with us, and lighting a fire under our arse for good measure.”</p><p>Robert laughed and released James from the embrace. “We can start making the arrangements as soon as possible. When is Rose due?”</p><p>“She didn’t say. My guess is late spring. I don’t think she’s very far along at all. Maybe a couple weeks. Yet another reason we want to keep the pregnancy a secret for the time being.” James grimaced. “Either way, we want to move sometime in the near future. Rose and I haven’t discussed the details yet; we’re a tad overwhelmed at the moment.”</p><p>“I can start taking a look at the paperwork. I’ll try and get as much ready as I can, and when you and Rose are up for it, we can all have a sit-down and talk it over.”</p><p>A weight lifted from James’s shoulders. “Thanks.”</p><p>“Anytime. I love you very much, James.”</p><p>“Love you, too, Dad.”</p><p>James backed up a few paces and watched from the front porch as his dad got into his car then drove off down the street. Upon reentering the house, he noted that Rose had settled slightly and was sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table in their living room, drawing with their two eldest children while the twins happily rolled around on the floor nearby.</p><p>“Daddy!” Sianin crowed. “Come draw with us!”</p><p>“Daddy’s gonna get something to eat,” James answered, “but then I’ll be out.”</p><p>James stepped up to his family and pressed a kiss to the top of everyone’s head. When he got to Rose, he murmured, “Can I get you anything? Are you hungry?”</p><p>“Not really. I’ll nibble on whatever you bring out.”</p><p>He nodded and kissed her again before walking to the kitchen. He rifled through the fridge and their cabinets, assembling the oddest assortment of food, from fruit—he belatedly remembered bananas tended to make Rose ill when she was pregnant, so he surreptitiously threw away the remaining two from the bunch—to the girls’ leftover macaroni and cheese to crackers to a canister of mixed nuts. He didn’t know what he was in the mood to eat, and furthermore, he wanted to give Rose a variety of choices to pick from as well.</p><p>“That is a rubbish dinner,” Sianin noted when he sat beside Rose.</p><p>“Perhaps,” James said, “but I’m not all that hungry.”</p><p>He pulled a blank page towards himself and began to doodle absently across the paper while he and Rose ate their pitiful dinner. Every now and then, a twin would come over to investigate the food, prompting him and Rose to offer them small bites of anything soft. They’d never given the twins macaroni and cheese before, and learned that while it was the only thing Hannah wanted from the plate, Maddie hated it so much that she pulled a disgusted face and let it dribble out of her mouth along with a large glob of spit.</p><p>“Of course she doesn’t like the easiest child’s food staple,” James grumbled under his breath as he sopped up the spit.</p><p>Rose laughed. “It’s probably for the best. Mac and cheese isn’t exactly the most nutritious meal.”</p><p>“No, but it sure is tasty,” he said, popping the last of said mac and cheese into his mouth. Maddie leaned forward from where she sat on her bum to inspect the contents of what remained on his plate. He grabbed a grape, deskinned it with his teeth, then bit into it, leaving a tiny piece behind, which he then offered to his baby.</p><p>She bit his fingers in the process of accepting the grape, which she happily gummed before opening her mouth for more.</p><p>“You’re like a little baby birdie, aren’t you?” James cooed, dutifully preparing another grape piece for her.</p><p>Maddie beamed and when she’d finished chewing, she opened her mouth expectantly. </p><p>The family spent the rest of the evening drawing and coloring together, with Ainsley and Sianin carrying most of the conversation. As soon as it was feasible, James and Rose told the girls to get ready for bed as they began the process of getting the twins down. Normally a good sleeper, Maddie wanted nothing to do with bedtime while her twin, the fussier of the two, conked out after only a couple minutes of Rose rocking her.</p><p>“Why are you so awake, my little darling?” James asked as he walked with his baby around the house while Rose tucked Ainsley and Sianin in. He decided to join in with Sianin’s bedtime stories, in the hopes that Rose’s soothing voice would help make Maddie drowsy.</p><p>But she was still wide awake, even as Sianin began nodding off. Sighing, James stood with his baby and quickly left the bedroom as she was content to screech and squeal her delight at being in her daddy’s arms.</p><p>“Did she nap late this afternoon?” James asked when Rose reappeared from Sianin’s bedroom.</p><p>“I wouldn’t know,” Rose said.</p><p>“Oh, right. Hmm. I don’t suppose we could just stick her in her crib and walk away?”</p><p>Rose rolled her eyes and pinched his waist. “And traumatize her with a separation anxiety disorder? No ta.”</p><p>“At least she’s happily awake rather than miserably awake,” James mused, brushing a kiss to the baby’s forehead. She cooed and beamed. “How are you so bloody <em>cute</em>?”</p><p>“Because she’s got the cutest man in the world as her daddy,” Rose supplied, pinching his cheeks.</p><p>“Excuse you, I am manly and sexy and rugged…” Rose let out a snort at that last one. The pout on his lips was hard to maintain as Rose laughed at him. “Besides, I don’t think any of this is me. Nah, she gets it all from her beautiful, gorgeous, adorably cute mummy.”</p><p>Rose’s cheeks flushed with the compliment before she lifted onto her toes to kiss him soundly.</p><p>“Flatterer,” she mumbled against his mouth.</p><p>“S’not flattery if it’s true.”</p><p>She kissed him again, harder this time until they were broken apart by a tiny fist yanking on a clump of Rose’s hair.</p><p>“We don’t pull hair, love,” Rose said, wincing as she extracted her hair from the baby’s grasp.</p><p>James leaned in close to breathe in her ear, “Unless you ask for it, at least.”</p><p>Rose’s cheeks reddened as she smacked him across the shoulder. He waggled his eyebrows at her.</p><p>“If I’m remembering correctly, you seem to like it when I give your hair a good tug,” Rose purred, running her fingers through his hair. He shivered when she scraped her nails across his scalp.</p><p>“N-nope,” he stammered. “Dunno what you’re talking about.”</p><p>“Hmmm… I think we’ll have to refresh your memory about that later,” Rose said with a tongue-touched grin.</p><p>“I look forward to it,” he said, unable to resist kissing her one last time.</p><p>But for now, he had a baby to try to get to sleep.</p><p>Too tired to keep walking, he sat down with Maddie on the couch and hoped that she would eventually settle down herself. Rose joined them, and the three of them snuggled together in relative silence, apart from the usual baby noises.</p><p>James reclined his seat back and rested Maddie on his chest. She beamed at the change in position and began bouncing on top of him. He didn’t realize exactly where her feet were until she flailed one of them right between his legs.</p><p>“<em>Oof</em>,” he squeaked, hoisting Maddie up to his shoulder while he curled his knees closer to his stomach.</p><p>“Ouch,” Rose said, wincing.</p><p>“Yeah,” he rasped. “Jesus, she’s got good aim. <em>Ow</em>.”</p><p>No realizing anything was amiss, Maddie snuggled her face into James’s shoulder and neck, exhaling with satisfaction.</p><p>“Good thing you’re cute,” he muttered petulantly, but he nuzzled his cheek to her forehead. “Daddy loves you, Maddie darling. No matter how many times you kick me in the balls.”</p><p>“Seriously though. Are you all right?” Rose asked, resting her hand on his upper thigh.</p><p>“Let’s just say it’s a good thing I’ve already knocked you up again,” James said, though he gave her a wink. “I’ll be fine. But, ehm, speaking of knocking you up…” He breathed in deeply, then said in a rush, “My dad knows about the pregnancy. I’m sorry. He was asking questions and I needed to get it off my chest and so I told him. I asked him not to discuss it with you, but I told him we’d be in touch to formally announce it and to get the ball rolling with the Scottish manor. I’m sorry.”</p><p>Rose took his hand in hers and gave it a squeeze. “I assumed as much. You and Dad were outside for a long time.”</p><p>“Are you angry with me?”</p><p>“Angry? Of course not.”</p><p>“But… you said you didn’t want anyone to know,” James said, pleased she wasn’t upset but confused as to why she wasn’t.</p><p>“Only because I didn’t want to have to discuss all the implications that come with this pregnancy,” Rose explained. She was quiet for a beat, staring intently at his wedding band where she spun it around and around his finger. “Am I a coward for being relieved that you told him? That I didn’t have to be there for it?”</p><p>“Not at all. You’re the bravest woman I know. Besides, you’re growing our newest child. The least I can do is take on the hassle of figuring out the details of preparing for our baby.”</p><p>Rose laughed lightly, tucking her head in the crook of his shoulder. “I love when you say ‘our baby’ or ‘our child’.”</p><p>James furrowed his brow. “Really?”</p><p>“Mhm. I dunno why. It just makes my stomach flip over. In a good way. It’s like… we made a human being that’s part you and part me. Ours. It’s a silly thing. I’ve always loved hearing you say it, though, even from the very beginning with Ainsley.”</p><p>“Then I’ll be sure to say it as often as I can, my love,” he said. He pecked a kiss to her forehead, then turned to kiss Maddie. The baby’s eyes were half-closed. “And I think <em>our child</em> is nearly asleep. Do you think we can get her into her crib now?”</p><p>“Let’s try it.”</p><p>Rose stood from the sofa first, then James followed, lifting himself carefully to not jostle the baby too much. She stayed half-asleep. He rocked her slowly as he walked, humming quietly to her. James continued swaying with her as he and Rose did their nightly checks, locking doors and windows and turning off lights. By the time they got to the nursery, she was right on the cusp of sleep.</p><p>“Nighty night, my darling girl. Daddy loves you. Sweet dreams.”</p><p>After he and Rose gave a final kiss to the baby, he lowered her into her crib. They held their breath as she snuffled and snorted, squirming around on the mattress before settling with a sigh, closing her eyes completely.</p><p>Rose reached in and tugged the blanket up to Maddie’s chest, then they backed out of the room. They did the usual checks on their eldest children, both of whom were soundly asleep, before moving to their own bedroom.</p><p>They moved silently through their room, getting ready for bed even though it was a bit early in the night. They’d had an exhausting day, after all. James looked forward to lying down and cuddling with his wife.</p><p>He wearily tugged off his clothes and dropped them into the hamper until he was clad in only his boxers, while Rose stripped to her knickers. He allowed himself the simple pleasure of watching her, of seeing her nearly-naked body. She was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, and though her body was as familiar to him as his own, he never tired of seeing it.</p><p>“You look lovely,” he murmured, crossing his arms across his middle and leaning against the doorframe. “Absolutely lovely.”</p><p>Her cheeks went pink as she grinned at him. It slipped slightly as she glanced down at herself. His stomach twisted. She sometimes struggled with her body image, and it broke his heart to know that. He hoped she wasn’t having one of her bad days.</p><p>“I can’t believe I’m pregnant,” she said, dropping her hands to cradle her belly. It had flattened quite a bit over the last month, since she decided she wanted to focus on losing the stubborn, lingering baby weight. “It doesn't seem real yet.”</p><p>“For me, too. It’s like… it’s like I’m going to wake up and discover it’s all been a ludicrous dream.” </p><p>“I bought a few pregnancy tests,” Rose admitted, embarrassment coloring her tone. “I didn’t believe Elizabeth when she told me. I went to the pharmacy and bought some. They’re still in my purse. I’ll take one in the morning so you can see, too.”</p><p>“You don’t have to, I believe you,” he insisted, though part of him would love to see that tangible proof that they had created another child.</p><p>He stepped up behind her, wrapping his arms around her middle and resting his palms on her lower abdomen. Their baby was growing <em>right there</em>, beneath his hands.</p><p>Through the terror and the stress that had consumed him all evening, a deep sense of awe overtook him. And a love so deep and fierce that he thought he might break apart from it. There couldn’t possibly be anybody in the world, in the <em>universe</em>, who loved anyone more than he loved his family.</p><p>“I love you,” he whispered to his wife. Then he brought one of his hands to his lips. He kissed his fingers and covered Rose’s lower belly again. “And I love you, too, little one. I can’t wait to meet you.”</p><p>Rose turned in his arms and barely gave him any warning before her lips crashed against his. He muffled a grunt into her lips then wrapped his arms around her, anchoring her to him.</p><p>“How are your bits doing?” Rose mumbled between kisses.</p><p>“They’re getting rather interested in this kiss,” he replied, dropping his hands to her bum to pull her hips into his.</p><p>“I meant after Maddie used them as football practice.”</p><p>“They appear to be working normally,” he said, feeling himself pulsing to life with every kiss and caress of their bodies.</p><p>“I think I ought to check, don’t you?” she asked, stepping away from him.</p><p>Before he fully understood what she said, she dropped to her knees in front of him and tugged his boxers down in one smooth motion.</p><p>He shivered when he met with the cooler, fresher air of their en suite.</p><p>“Everything looks normal,” Rose said, wrapping a loose fist around him and stroking slowly, building him up. “Everything feels normal.”</p><p>“Feels <em>great</em>,” he croaked.</p><p>She winked. “A kiss to make it better, perhaps?”</p><p>She slowly leaned forward, and, holding eye contact with him, pressed a light kiss to the tip of him. He shuddered and his toes curled into the carpet.</p><p>“Do you need another one?” she asked innocently.</p><p>“Maybe a few more?” he rasped.</p><p>“Tell me when it feels better,” she said, and she kissed him again.</p><p>There was nothing gentle about that kiss.</p><p>Or any of the other ones she gave him until, with a cry of pleasure, he finally announced himself to be better.</p><p>And that he wanted to check on her bits, just to be fair.</p><p>oOoOo</p><p>Despite being utterly exhausted from the day’s events, James couldn’t shut his mind down enough to sleep. Notwithstanding the drowsy hormones that came from finding his pleasure with Rose, he tossed and turned restlessly. When he managed to doze off, he awoke almost immediately to begin the cycle anew.</p><p>Hours passed like that, to the point where his cognizance slipped away and he wasn’t sure if he was still awake or was in a shallow sleep. Noises were enhanced, as though he could hear every minute thing: the creaking of the house, Rose’s breathing, the grunts and sighs of the twins through the baby monitor. Everything. And it was grating against his spine, adding to his overall discomfort and agitation.</p><p>With a huff, he threw the sheets off of himself and wrenched himself out of bed, arriving in the kitchen for a glass of cold water. He gulped it down in a few swallows, barely tasting it, but it didn’t soothe the unease pounding through him.</p><p>He peeked in on his children, who were sleeping peacefully. Ainsley and Sianin were nothing more than vague lumps under their sheets. The twins were sleeping soundly, the shadows of the room obscuring their faces. He stood over them and watched them, his two little miracles, and he continued staring at them until the room began to fade.</p><p>His heart pounded through his body as he clenched his fingers around the rails of the crib. What was happening? Why was the room going dark? He blinked and he was in bed with Rose. He closed his eyes and saw the nursery with his two beautiful babies. He groped with his mind to keep the nursery where it was, to keep his twins in front of him.</p><p>But he blinked again and he was in bed with Rose in the dark. His mind scrambled to right itself. Where was he? Where were his twins?</p><p>Twins?</p><p>He didn’t have twins. Just Ainsley and Sianin.</p><p>He scrubbed the heels of his hands into his eyes as he dug through his memories. No, no. He definitely had twins. Or was it only one baby? Oh, wait. Rose was pregnant. That was it. Wasn’t it? No, it couldn’t be. They couldn’t have more children, not for lack of trying.</p><p>But no, he was sure he and Rose had more than two children. They had infant twins. He’d <em>just</em> seen them. He tried recalling the nursery, but the vision slipped through his grasp faster than water through a sieve until he could barely recall what the two babies looked like. Panic ripped through him, tearing his breath away.</p><p>“James?” Rose’s voice was slurred as she rolled towards him. “You all right?”</p><p>“I…” Was he all right? He didn’t know what was the matter. “I had a dream. We had twins. Two babies. And… and I think you were pregnant.”</p><p>That woke Rose up. She looked at him with an expression of such sympathy and pity that he suddenly <em>hated </em>her. Why was she looking at him like that?</p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, resting her hand on his chest. She stroked soothingly, but that only made him more agitated.</p><p>“I don’t understand…”</p><p>“I have dreams like that, too,” she soothed, as though she were trying to pacify one of their children. “Dreams that we had another baby. That I’m pregnant. That we have a house full of children. And when I wake up and remember, it’s like I’ve lost them all over again.”</p><p>“I don’t…”</p><p>“There are moments when I’m sad, too,” Rose continued. “But more babies weren’t in the cards for us, love. Ainsley and Sianin are perfect though, aren’t they?”</p><p>James’s lungs constricted until he couldn’t breathe.</p><p>“I don’t… understand,” he repeated, his voice breaking.</p><p>Rose’s face fell at his distress. She pulled him towards her, gathering him in her arms. He buried his face in her neck, barely able to breathe, barely able to <em>think</em>. Rose rocked him slowly as he lost the battle against his tears, which flowed freely down his face.</p><p>“It was so real,” he rasped.</p><p>“I know,” she whispered. “I know, love. It’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.”</p><p>James shuddered and began crying in earnest.</p><p>“Oh, James,” she murmured, stroking his back. “Oh, love.”</p><p>She began rocking him more quickly. Much too quickly to be soothing.</p><p>He was shaking.</p><p>Rose was shaking him.</p><p>“James… <em>James</em>!”</p><p>He opened his eyes again, and Rose had disappeared. He was clutching a pillow tightly with his face pressed into the soft fabric. He could barely breathe, thanks to being half-suffocated into the pillow and from the constriction in his chest. His heart was breaking and his mind was scrambled. He didn’t know what was real and what was not. He didn’t know where he was or <em>when</em> he was. He didn’t know where Rose was. Where was Rose? Where was Rose to talk him through this and reorient his mind and calm his racing thoughts?</p><p>“Hey.” The bed dipped as Rose—<em>finally, there she was!</em>—sat behind him. She carded her fingers through his damp hair in slow, soothing strokes that marginally calmed his pounding heart. “Breathe, James. Breathe, love. You’re okay. You’re all right. I’m here.”</p><p>But his stupid brain was struggling to shake off the vestiges of sleep and his dream. He couldn’t focus on anything except the slow drag of air in and out of his lungs, and Rose’s fingers in his hair, and the tiny hand that smacked his shoulder, and the coo of a baby… </p><p>
  <em>A baby.</em>
</p><p>Moving as fast as he could, James flopped onto his back until he could see Rose. She was sitting on the bed, her face pinched with concern and a baby perched on her hip.</p><p>Real. This was <em>real</em>. This <em>had</em> to be real. He was in his home with Rose and their four children. The twins were real. He and Rose had <em>four</em> children.</p><p>Wait.</p><p>The pregnancy. Rose was <em>pregnant.</em></p><p>Not four children—soon, they’d have <em>five</em>. His face crumpled in relief and he swallowed down a sob.</p><p>“James, what’s wrong?” Rose asked, resting a shaking hand on his cheek.</p><p>“Can I hold her?” he begged, reaching towards the baby. In the dim light, he couldn’t quite make out which twin it was. He scrambled into a sitting position, haphazardly stuffing a pillow behind his back. “Please. Please, can I hold her? <em>Please</em>.”</p><p>Rose frowned at him but gave him the baby. When her warm weight was in his arms, the band around his lungs eased. Yes, this was <em>real</em>. He and Rose had two beautiful little babies, and two beautiful older daughters. Four beautiful little girls, and one more beautiful child on the way next spring.</p><p>His chest cracked wide open with how much love he had for his family. The hurt, terror, and confusion of his dream spilled over until he was crying quietly, hugging his baby close.</p><p>“Oh, James.” Rose’s weight on the mattress shifted until she was pressed into his side, her arm slipping around his waist. “What’s wrong, love? Talk to me. Let me help you.”</p><p>“I had a bad dream,” he confessed, feeling like a child as soon as the words came out. He sniffled and nuzzled his nose into the baby’s hair; she smelled so good. He wiped away the tear that had fallen onto her head. “A really bad one.”</p><p>Rose dropped a kiss to the jut of his shoulder. “Want to tell me about it?”</p><p>He did. He told her all about the confusion of a dream within a dream. Of dreaming of the twins only to wake up to realize they’d never been born, and that he and Rose had stopped trying altogether for more kids, and how devastated he was. Only to wake up again, for real this time, but not be sure whether he was asleep or not.</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” Rose said when he’d stopped speaking. “That sounds awful. <em>Awful</em>.”</p><p>“It was. I was so scared. And so confused,” he said. He wiped his eyes dry, then forced a smile at Rose. It became more genuine when she began trailing kisses across his face, from cheek to cheek, forehead to chin.</p><p>The baby in his lap shrieked and flailed her arms, demanding his attention. <em>Maddie</em>, he now realized. She beamed when she saw her father looking at her. That smile melted away everything else; the world vanished until it was just him and his daughter. He kissed her little forehead.</p><p>Rose sat beside him on the bed for another few minutes, neither of them speaking. James leaned into her side and bounced the baby in his lap to make her giggle.</p><p>“I had those sorts of dreams,” Rose confessed, breaking the silence. “When we were trying to get pregnant, I would occasionally dream that I was pregnant. Or that we had a new baby. Then I would wake up, heartbroken and grieving despite the fact the child never existed, then the guilt would set in because it was like my brain was admitting Ainsley and Sianin weren’t enough. I would hate myself for a bit, then tell myself I was fine, and a few weeks would pass, then it’d start all over again.” She let out a self-deprecating laugh that made James’s stomach ache. “I can’t believe I couldn’t tell how depressed I was.”</p><p>“I know. Me too. And I can’t believe I couldn’t tell how depressed you were. Makes me feel like a rubbish husband, to be honest.”</p><p>Rose jabbed her elbow into his side. “You’re not. Or, well, maybe you are, but then I’m just as rubbish a wife, ‘cos I didn’t realize how depressed you were, either.”</p><p>“There we are, then,” he said with false cheerfulness. “We’re both rubbish spouses.”</p><p>“As long as we’re rubbish together,” Rose said, snorting.</p><p>“I love you,” he said, unable to help the small smile that crossed his lips.</p><p>“I love you, too,” she replied, kissing the top of his head. “Want to help with breakfast? Ainsley’s already up, and I think I hear Sianin in the shower.”</p><p>“Where’s Hannah?” James asked.</p><p>“With Ainsley,” Rose said. “They’re reading together.”</p><p>Rose leaned into him and took her phone out of her pocket and pulled up her photos app. She began playing a video and tilted the screen towards him so he could see.</p><p>Ainsley was sitting cross-legged in the rocking recliner, Hannah plopped into her lap. Ainsley had a book held out in front of the baby and had her cheek nearly pressed to Hannah’s as she narrated a counting book.</p><p>Ainsley glanced at the camera and pulled a face.</p><p>“Go on, love,” Rose said, off screen. “Pretend I’m not here.”</p><p>Rolling her eyes, Ainsley dutifully returned her attention to the book and baby.</p><p>“<em>One little puppy…</em> Where’s the puppy, Han? Do you see the puppy? Is the little puppy sad? Yeah, he’s sad b’cos no one’s there to play with him.</p><p>“<em>Two little wooly lambs</em>… Do you see the two little lambs? One, two! A brother and a sister. Two little lambs. See their fluffy white wool? Don’t they look so soft, Han? You’ve got sisters, too, just like the little lamb. No brothers, but you’ve got three sisters. Isn’t that nice?</p><p>“<em>Mummy Horse and Daddy Horse and Baby Horse makes three</em>… Aww, look at the baby horsie, Han. See him? Or her. Mummy and Daddy Horsie love their little Baby Horsie. Like our mummy and daddy love you.”</p><p>Ainsley pressed a kiss to Hannah’s fat cheek, much to the baby’s delight.</p><p>“I love you, too, Hannah. Soooo much. Right. Next. <em>Four furry purry kittens look alike because each furry purry kitten has four white paws.</em> See the kittens? They don’t really look alike, do they? They’re not the same color. There’s a black one and a gray one and a beige one and a brown one. But they do all have little furry sockies on their little furry feetsies. Aren’t they cute? Maybe Mummy and Daddy will let us get a kitty one day.</p><p>“<em>Bunny finds five cabbages</em>… Cabbage is yucky. Very yucky. Bunny can keep all those gross cabbages. What do you think? Well, what do you know, anyway? Mum and Dad could puree bird poo for you and you’d eat it.</p><p>“<em>One two three, four five six. First they were eggs, now they are chicks</em>… See the little chickies? Chicks are little birdies, and little birdies are hatched from little eggies. See? Eggs to chicks.</p><p>“<em>Waddling after Mummy Duck, seven in a row</em>… See the line of duckies? That’s quite the brood. Mummy and Daddy could give Mummy Duck a run for her money, don’t you agree, Han? But I think it’s nice. I love having a huge family, don’t you? Well, you don’t know any different, do you?</p><p>“<em>Eight fish swimming in a brook</em>… Look at all the pretty fishies. We saw some pretty fishies in the aquarium last month. D’you remember? What <em>do </em>you remember anyway? Do babies have memory? Obviously you must, since you remember me and Sianin and Mum and Dad. But it’s not like we can ask you what you remember, can we?</p><p>“<em>Hurry and count them as they fly. You’ll see nine geese, and so will I</em>… See the geese Hannah? Look at their flight pattern. Isn’t it neat how they manage to get into that V-shape all on their own?</p><p>“Okay, last one. <em>How many nuts did you find, Little Squirrel? Little Squirrel, I’ll tell you then. Little Squirrel, you found ten</em>… Look at that cute little squirrel with his cute little bushy tail and all of his cute little nuts.</p><p>“All done! Wasn’t that such a fun book? We can count to ten now. One… two… three… four… five… six… seven… eight… nine… <em>ten</em>!” Ainsley blew a raspberry into Hannah’s cheek, making the baby squeal and squirm in delight. She bounced her chubby little arms and legs, babbling out a series of sounds and coos.</p><p>“Thank you for reading to her, Ainsley.”</p><p>Ainsley jolted and glanced over at the camera, as though she had completely forgotten her mother was there. Her cheeks went a little red, but she grinned.</p><p>The video ended, and James thought his heart was about to burst out of his body. His eyes burned with joy at how much he adored his children.</p><p>“Will you send that to me?” he requested, rubbing his fingers into his eyes.</p><p>Rose hummed in affirmation and pressed a kiss to his temple. “How did we get so lucky to have Ainsley? She is… the <em>perfect </em>big sister.”</p><p>“Yeah, she is.” He tilted his head up and threaded his fingers through her hair to tug her down for a kiss. “I love you, Rose. And I love that we made such wonderful children together.”</p><p>“They <em>are</em> quite marvelous, aren’t they?” Rose preened. She rested a hand on her flat belly. “I can’t wait to meet this one. I just found out about them, but I’m already completely in love with them.”</p><p>“Me too,” he answered. “How can I love someone this much without having properly met them yet? And how can I have even <em>more</em> love for my family? It’s like… it’s like I love you all more today than I did yesterday, though I was sure that yesterday, I couldn’t possibly love you more than I did at that moment. Does that make any sort of sense?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Rose croaked, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “Because I feel the exact same way. God, I’ve gotten so lucky, to love and be loved this much. So, so lucky.”</p><p>James gave her another firm kiss before he passed the baby to his wife. “Gotta wee.”</p><p>“There’s a surprise for you sitting on the back of the toilet,” Rose called out after him.</p><p>Curious, James padded to the loo, where a thin plastic stick sat on the tank of the toilet. As he relieved himself, he grinned stupidly at the positive pregnancy test until the little black plus sign was burned into his vision, undeniable <em>proof</em> that Rose was pregnant again.</p><p>Rose waited for him as he used the toilet then washed his face, electing to forgo a shower for now. Together, they exited their bedroom right as Sianin emerged, wet-haired and stark naked, from her bathroom.</p><p>“Er, I know it’s summer, and I know it’s hot,” James said, cocking an eyebrow, “but clothes are not generally considered to be optional.”</p><p>Sianin rolled her eyes. “I forgot to bring clothes for after my shower.”</p><p>“Riiiiight. You could have put your pajamas back on, though.”</p><p>She let out a sigh, as if he were being particularly daft. “Why would I put them <em>on</em> when I just have to take them <em>off</em> again to get dressed? Besides, I don’t want my <em>dirty</em> pants touching my <em>clean </em>bum.”</p><p>Not letting him reply, Sianin strutted back to her bedroom in all her naked glory, leaving James staring after her and Rose trying to swallow down her laughter.</p><p>“Well. I guess it’s a good thing that she’s so body-positive,” James said, shaking his head at his six-year-old.</p><p>“She’ll get more modest when she’s older,” Rose chuckled, patting his arm. “Or maybe she won’t. Who knows. We’ll have a chat with her if the need arises. For now, she’s fine. A bit odd, but fine.”</p><p>They continued down the hall and saw Ainsley and Hannah on the floor together. Ainsley was stacking a set of blocks, and Hannah was demolishing it with a swinging fist.</p><p>“Oh nooooo,” Ainsley gasped dramatically when Hannah screamed with laughter after knocking down the blocks. “You ruined it!”</p><p>Hannah’s eyes twinkled as she waited for Ainsley to rebuild the tower. James fumbled around in his pockets, but saw Rose already had her phone out and was recording their children playing.</p><p>When Hannah knocked down the tower a second time, she realized her parents were in the room. She beamed and reached towards them, babbling and screeching. James dutifully picked up his baby and lifted her into the air before bringing her to his chest for a cuddle. Hannah cooed and made a few nonsensical syllables.</p><p>“Were you having fun with Ainsley?” he crooned, bouncing Hannah on his hip. “Were you having fun with your big sister? I heard she read a book to you. And she played blocks with you. Isn’t she a great big sissy? Eh?”</p><p>He glanced down at Ainsley.</p><p>“Thank you,” he told her earnestly. “You are absolutely fabulous with the babies.”</p><p>Her cheeks went scarlet even as she smiled broadly. Shifting Hannah farther back on his hip, James knelt down in front of Ainsley and held out his free arm for a hug, one that she walked into. She squeezed him just as tightly as he held her and pecked a kiss to his cheek. She drew away with a laugh, rubbing her lips.</p><p>“It tickles. You need to shave. Can’t believe Mum kisses you like that.”</p><p>“She doesn’t exactly mind it,” he said before he could stop himself.</p><p>Ainsley pulled a face as his cheeks heated. Clearing his throat, he said, “D’you wanna keep playing with Hannah while your mum and I make breakfast?”</p><p>She nodded and held out her arms for the baby. He carefully made the hand off and stayed in the room until Hannah was firmly on the floor in front of the blocks. Not that Ainsley had ever dropped one of the babies, but they were getting heavier with each passing week.</p><p>With those children appeased, he walked into the kitchen, where his wife was dancing across the slick tile floor with Maddie. The baby was laughing, bouncing in her mother’s arms as Rose twirled and skated around the room in time with the quiet melody coming from her phone.</p><p><em>God, I’m weepy today,</em> James grumbled as his vision blurred with more tears. He impatiently blinked them away and pulled his phone from his pocket to record them, forever capturing this beautiful moment in time. He stopped filming a mere second before Rose noticed him.</p><p>“Smile for me, love,” he murmured, tapping his phone screen to turn it to portrait mode. His wife and baby were brought into perfect focus with the window and sink becoming a blur behind them. He snapped a few photos of them, pleased when he managed to get one with Maddie not only looking at the camera, but grinning broadly.</p><p>“I have come to the conclusion that I have the most beautiful family on planet Earth,” he announced, tucking his phone back into his pocket. He skipped up to Rose and planted a smacking kiss to her mouth.</p><p>She laughed and ruffled his hair, rolling her eyes fondly at him. “You nutter.”</p><p>“<em>Your</em> nutter,” he sang, kissing her again.</p><p><em>Rose definitely doesn't mind the stubble</em>, he thought smugly as she moaned into the kiss, threading her fingers through his hair. He shivered when her nails scratched his scalp as she tightened her grip. He stepped closer until the heat from her body radiated into him. Resting one hand on her hip, his other cradled her jaw; it flexed as she opened and closed her mouth in a series of delicious kisses. Her lips were soft and warm, addictive in that he could not pull away from her. Nor did he want to.</p><p>Minutes ticked by. One song bled into another, and still he kissed her. Maddie was getting a bit fussy in Rose’s arms, and he knew this brief moment of bliss would soon be gone.</p><p>The baby, however, wasn't what pulled them apart. Instead, a loud, aggravated huff came from the doorway of the kitchen, before small feet stomped away to the living room.</p><p>“Mummy and Daddy are <em>making out</em> in the kitchen!” Sianin groaned.</p><p>“Then don’t go into the kitchen,” Ainsley responded. “Come play with me and Hannah. We’re making block towers and knocking ‘em down.”</p><p>“We should make breakfast,” Rose mumbled, though she kept kissing the corner of his mouth and bottom lip.</p><p>“Enh, that’s not important, is it?”</p><p>“Starving our children probably won’t win us any <em>Parent of the Year</em> awards.”</p><p>“Pfff. Skipping <em>one meal</em> surely won’t do them any harm.”</p><p>However, as if to remind him that he hadn’t eaten much for dinner the night before, his stomach let out a painful, squeezing gurgle. Having heard it, Rose laughed and planted one long, final kiss to his lips before she backed away from him.</p><p>“To be continued,” she said with a wink that sent a hot shiver down his spine. As though they hadn’t spent the last several minutes snogging lewdly in the kitchen, she continued, “I was thinking of asking Mum if she wants to babysit Ainsley and Sianin next weekend. That way Dad can come over and we can have a chat… about <em>things</em>.”</p><p>She glanced at the doorway, but their eldest children were preoccupied in the living room.</p><p>Pitching his voice low, he replied, “I take it you’re not ready for your mum to know…” He nodded to her belly.</p><p>“Not yet,” Rose admitted. “Not ‘til things are a bit further along. Er… is that enough turnaround time for Dad? I dunno what all is involved with moving to Scotland.”</p><p>James shrugged. “Nor do I. But it can’t hurt to have a chat with him, even if it’s not very productive. Besides. Jackie’ll be thrilled to see the kids regardless, no matter if our conversation with my dad is useless.</p><p>“M’kay. I’ll text her and ask if she wants to keep ‘em next weekend.”</p><p>“Ooh, are we havin’ a sleepover with Gran?”</p><p>James jumped at Sianin’s voice directly behind him. From her eager expression, he was sure she hadn’t heard anything she wasn’t supposed to.</p><p>“If Gran is available, yes,” he answered.</p><p>“Can I call and ask her?” Sianin pleaded, pouting up at him.</p><p>“You and Daddy can make the call,” Rose said, “while I make breakfast. I was thinking about crepes.”</p><p>“Yes!” Sianin bounced on her toes, then rushed up to James and tugged at his wrist. “Let’s call Gran, let’s call Gran!”</p><p>Throwing a slightly exasperated look to Rose, he dutifully followed his six-year-old into the living room, where she expertly navigated the unlocking of his phone and spent the next half hour chatting to her grandmother until the crepes were finished.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you've read this chapter, I would appreciate if you left a comment. Hearing from you all is always the highlight of my day 💜</p><p>Remember to subscribe to this story or to me if you want email notifications when I update.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>James and Rose have a nice day out at an autumn festival with their children.</p><p>Chapter Word Count: ~ 8400</p><p>Chapter Rating: teen</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the start of the chapter:<br/>James: 39<br/>Rose: 34<br/>Ainsley: 9<br/>Sianin: 6<br/>Twins: almost 7 months</p><p>
  <b>Trigger for suggestion of pregnancy complication at the end of the chapter.</b>
</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If she hadn’t known any better, Rose wouldn’t have realized she was pregnant. It may have been too early for the pregnancy hormones to start wreaking havoc through her body, but Rose hoped she continued feeling normal for as long as possible. She’d never had much morning sickness with any of her previous pregnancies and was crossing her fingers that the trend continued. For the time being, she didn’t have any food cravings or sensitivities either, though she did notice James had preemptively thrown away (or eaten) the bananas that usually sat on their counter.</p><p>Meanwhile, she and James began working almost immediately to get the ball rolling with moving to the McCrimmon manor. Jackie was indeed available to keep Ainsley and Sianin overnight the following weekend, allowing James, Rose, and Robert to meet up to discuss the family’s relocation to Scotland without any little ears over-hearing the plans, and the reason for needing to move sooner rather than later.</p><p>James was still out, driving their elder children to Jackie’s flat in London, when Robert arrived. As per usual, he let himself into the house with a quickly announced, “It’s me!”</p><p>Rose, busy cleaning a dirty nappy, called out from the nursery, “Be out in a second.”</p><p>After efficiently wiping Hannah’s bum, securing a fresh nappy around it, and snapping shut the onesie, Rose picked her daughter up and walked to the living room. Her father-in-law had a drowsy Maddie in his arms and was slowly pacing the living room, speaking softly to her.</p><p>Rose’s heart squeezed and, quietly as she could so as not to alert Robert, she pulled her phone from her back pocket and snapped a few photos. He must have seen her from the corner of his eye, because he turned to face her and grinned broadly.</p><p><em>James is going to be looking damn fine in thirty years</em>.</p><p>Her father-in-law had always been an attractive man, and he seemed to have gotten more distinguished as he got older. Considering James was the spitting image of his father, Rose felt pretty confident that he would age just as finely. Despite Robert being seventy, he didn’t look it; he was as vibrant and energetic now as he was ten years ago. It filled her heart to see the overwhelming love her father-in-law had for her children; she was grateful that her children had such a doting grandfather who loved them like a third parent.</p><p>“Hi Dad,” she said, tiptoeing up to him to give him a peck on the cheek.</p><p>Hannah, seeing her twin, squealed in delight, which jarred Maddie awake. Her face crumpled as she let out a wail, causing Hannah to begin crying as well.</p><p>“It’s your fault she’s upset,” Rose muttered as she rocked and bounced her baby. She kissed Hannah’s soft, fine hair. “Don’t go makin’ loud sounds while your sister’s trying to sleep.”</p><p>It didn’t take long to get both babies settled again. Robert got Maddie back to sleep and wisely placed her in her crib in the nursery, since Hannah wasn’t ready to go down for a nap yet. Instead, the baby wanted to be set down on the floor, where she happily rolled from one toy to another.</p><p>When Robert returned, he opened up his arms and said, “A proper hello. And I hear congratulations are in order! How marvelous, darling. I’m so excited for you and James.”</p><p>Rose grinned and leaned into her father-in-law’s embrace. “Thanks. We’re excited too. And panicking at the same time.”</p><p>“Understandable. Can I make you a cuppa tea while we wait for James?”</p><p>Rose nodded, and her father-in-law disappeared into the kitchen to start heating the water.</p><p>It was another hour before James returned, time that Rose and Robert passed by chatting absently and watching silly cartoons even after Hannah had slumped face-first into a blanket for her nap. Robert mindlessly reached down to turn the baby’s head to the side to keep her nose free of the blankets.</p><p>When Rose saw James’s car pull into their drive, she lightly leapt to her feet and opened the front door as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake their napping children. James’s face lit up in a bright smile when he saw her, making her stomach swoop. He quickened his pace until he was in front of her, then he leaned down and pressed a series of kisses to her lips.</p><p>“Hi,” he murmured.</p><p>“The twins are asleep,” Rose managed to say between kisses. She placed her hand on the nape of his neck, keeping him in kissing range. “Wanted to warn you before you came barging in.”</p><p>“Me? Barge? Never.”</p><p>Rose grinned and stretched up to kiss him again. “Dad’s inside.”</p><p>“Hmm, then we should keep this outside, is what you’re saying,” James teased, grabbing her arse.</p><p>Rose rolled her eyes and planted one final kiss to his lips before pulling away, ignoring his pout. “We can continue this tonight. Don’t have to be as quiet with Ainsley and Sianin gone.”</p><p>James waggled his eyebrows, then gestured for Rose to enter the house.</p><p>To be perfectly honest, Rose didn’t care about any of the discussions about the legal aspect of moving to the manor, especially since, legally, it wasn’t her responsibility. James and Robert were sheepish when they told Rose she wasn’t actually allowed to be listed as a legal owner of the house.</p><p>“It’s passed through James’s side of the family,” Robert explained. “Even when Vera and I lived there, everything was in her name. When she passed, I was made the… the… <em>caretaker</em>, I guess you’d call it. Watching over it and maintaining it and being allowed to live there until James was ready for it.”</p><p>“That’s such an antiquated idea,” James groaned, cheeks flaming red. “Can’t we… I dunno, redo the paperwork so Rose has full authority over the house too? What if I drop dead next week…?”</p><p>“Don’t you bloody dare, mister,” Rose interrupted, poking her finger into his chest. “You’re not leavin’ me with five kids, thanks.”</p><p>“If, God forbid, you were to untimely pass,” Robert interrupted calmly, “I would stay on as caretaker, meaning I could give Rose and the kids full permission to live there. Then, when Ainsley turns eighteen, the house can be legally transferred to her.”</p><p>Rose sat up straighter and glanced at James out of the corner of her eye. “Er… how does that work, though? We’ve got five kids. It’s not fair that the house would go to Ainsley just ‘cos she happens to be the oldest.”</p><p>“You’ve got several options.” Robert grimaced. “<em>James</em> has got several options about how he legally wishes to pass along the house.”</p><p>“Stop that,” James growled. “Rose has as much input as I do in this situation. This is going to be <em>our</em> family’s house.”</p><p>“I know that,” Robert said patiently. “But <em>legally</em>, it’s not. If anything were to ever happen, Rose legally does not have a say in what happens. Just as I legally don’t have a say in the manor. I am simply acting as its guardian until it is filed under your name, James.”</p><p>Rose took James’s hand and caressed her thumb across it before turning her attention back to Robert and prompting, “Several options?”</p><p>“Right. Yes. You’ve got several options. You can bequeath it to any of your children, regardless of age or gender. Or you can make them all legal owners, and they can decide among themselves who gets to live there. There is a trust fund established if any of the kids wants to sign away their rights to the property, they get compensated for it. However, that’s a final decision on their part; they can’t “buy it back”. And there are a few other options too; however, I think we are very much getting ahead of ourselves. We’re supposed to be discussing the two of you moving into the manor, not your successors.”</p><p>For the next hour or so, Robert outlined all of the documents that needed to be signed by James as the official holder of the deed title, and by Rose, who would be listed as the new caretaker of the property should something happen to James.</p><p>“And if you want to do any renovations on the manor, I would suggest you start thinking about them now,” Robert said when their discussion wrapped up. “It takes time to get contractors out to examine the house, see what you want done, take measurements, come up with an estimate, and so on. When were you two planning to move in, anyway?”</p><p>Rose grimaced. “We haven’t completely decided. We’re torn between moving before the baby gets here, or waiting ‘til the girls’ school term ends next June.” She covered her flat stomach. “It also depends if everything… er… goes all right. No complications, or…”</p><p>She let the words die on a little shrug. Clearing her throat, she continued, “We’re thinking of going to Scotland for the kids’ half-term break next month. We’re going to tell them we’re moving into that house, and ask for what they might like to see done with the house so it’ll feel more like their home when we move.”</p><p>“We could use an extra set of eyes and hands to wrangle the kids,” James added, smiling sweetly at his father. “Wanna play the favorite grandfather?”</p><p>A grin tugged at the corner of Robert’s mouth as he rolled his eyes. “I suppose I could be persuaded to tag along.”</p><p>oOoOo</p><p>The first week of October brought with it crisp, cool weather and an explosion of colors on the trees. It was as if the leaves shifted from green to hues of reds, golds, and oranges overnight. Autumn had always been Rose’s favorite time of year, between the perfect weather, the gorgeous scenery, and, of course, celebrating the day James was born. This year had the unique pleasure of it being his fortieth birthday, and Rose couldn’t wait for the end of the month so they could go away together for a long weekend to celebrate. She’d already made all of the arrangements, and though she’d told James they were going away, she told him nothing else and scolded him whenever he tried to wheedle the information out of her.</p><p>But first, she and James had a month of autumn festivities to share in with their children. The first weekend of October was packed with autumn traditions. They awoke early with their daughters and bundled them up into the car to drive to an autumn festival in a nearby town. They’d attended the festival annually since it opened up five years ago, and Rose felt a sudden <em>pang</em> that she and James would have to find somewhere new to take the kids for annual traditions once they moved to Scotland. They would have to find somewhere else to walk through a corn maze, pick their pumpkins, harvest their apples, find their Christmas tree…</p><p>“Penny for ‘em,” James said, bumping his hip against hers when she nearly walked away from the admissions gate without taking back her credit card.</p><p>She flashed an apologetic smile to the front gate attendant, then accepting her credit card from James. He leaned close to her ear and asked, “Got baby brain already?”</p><p>Rose rolled her eyes and smacked his arm lightly. After making sure her eldest children were out of earshot, she said, “Just thinkin’ that this time next year, we’ll be in Scotland. We’ll need to find new places to form traditions with the kids.”</p><p>Judging by the blank and then stricken expression on his face, the thought never occurred to James. Though they were eager to move their family to Scotland, neither of them had fully processed that moving meant leaving behind everything that had become so familiar to their family.</p><p>“Well. I’m sure they’ve got pumpkin patches and corn mazes in Scotland,” James sniffed.</p><p>“That’s the spirit,” Rose laughed, threading her arm through his as he pushed the twins’ pram in front of them. </p><p>Ainsley and Sianin were holding hands and chattering excitedly as they led the way through the festival. The girls wanted to hit the face painting station first, but James gently reminded them that they enjoyed bobbing for apples, and that water and paint didn’t mix.</p><p>“Where’s the apple bobbing station?” Sianin asked, standing up onto her tiptoes as though that would help her see past the throng of people twice her height. </p><p>Ainsley, meanwhile, grabbed the map they’d picked up at the front gate and scanned it quickly. Her face lit up and she jabbed her finger into the paper. “There!” She glanced up and around, orienting herself to where they were, she spun in a quarter circle, and said, “It should be this way.”</p><p>James glanced over to Rose, his eyebrows raised. Rose merely shrugged and followed their eldest; even if she was wrong about their direction, it wasn’t exactly as though they could get lost.</p><p>Ainsley hadn’t been wrong, though, and a few minutes later, James and Rose were standing with the crowd of other parents to watch their children bob for apples and get utterly soaked in the process. Even though the stand offered protective plastic sheets for the kids to wear around their shoulders, Sianin seemed to defy all laws of nature and gravity in her quest to retrieve her apples. Her hair was dripping onto her shirt when she and Ainsley joined them several minutes later.</p><p>James rooted through the carrier basket on the bottom of the pram for the towels they’d thought to bring to the festival. </p><p>“C’mere, you,” he said, and he flung the towel over Sianin’s entire head, making her squeal with laughter.</p><p>Rose watched with a smile as James wrapped his arms around Sianin, who had the towel draped over her head, and tickled her relentlessly. She shrieked and squirmed in his arms.</p><p>“Daddy, stopstopstop!” Sianin cried breathlessly, even as she giggled.</p><p>James immediately pulled away from her and tugged the front of her towel away from her face. “All right?”</p><p>Sianin’s cheeks were bright red and her eyes shone with mirth. “My lungs were getting tired.”</p><p>“Well, we can’t have tired lungs, can we?” he asked. “Will you let me dry your hair?”</p><p>Sianin nodded and angled her head towards him. He vigorously rubbed the towel through her mousy brown hair. It was still damp when he pulled away, but it at least wasn’t dripping wet.</p><p>He then turned to Ainsley. “How’s your hair doing?”</p><p>Ainsley accepted the towel from him and squeezed it around her hair. She then turned to Rose. “Will you braid my hair?”</p><p>Rose gestured towards an open bench a few paces away. There was no back to the bench, so it was easy for Rose to straddle it with Ainsley in front of her. She quickly and efficiently worked Ainsley’s thick chestnut hair into a simple, loose French braid.</p><p>“Me next, me next!” Sianin shouted, bouncing beside Rose.</p><p>When Ainsley stood from the bench, Sianin took her place. “Can I have piggy tail braids? But make ‘em end in a ponytail. Please.”</p><p>Rose hummed in assent, and, five minutes later, Sianin’s hair was finished as well.</p><p>The family’s next stop was to grab snacks for the kids. Rose bought a caramel apple apiece for the girls, and one for her and James to share. However, after only one bite, her stomach rolled.</p><p>“Nope, too sweet,” Rose said, pushing it into James’s hand with a grimace.</p><p>He frowned at her. “Are you feeling all right?”</p><p>“Yep, and if I want to continue feeling all right, you’re gonna have to eat that by yourself,” she replied.</p><p>James didn’t look convinced, but didn’t press the issue. Instead, he said, “We’re going to have to find something else for you to eat.”</p><p>She shrugged. “I’m not all that hungry anyway.”</p><p>He rolled his eyes and continued munching his apple.</p><p>When the kids had finished their caramel apples and their faces were wiped clean, Rose suggested they go to the face painting station next before they headed to the back of the festival grounds for the corn maze and the pumpkin patch.</p><p>Rose was glad for the opportunity to sit for a few minutes while the kids got their faces painted. Her feet were beginning to hurt, and, despite the fact that she wasn’t hungry, the lack of food in her stomach was making her a little lightheaded. Ignoring her wobbly vision, Rose guzzled water and was glad when it seemed to help.</p><p>James rolled the baby buggy up to her, then he reached inside to pick up Hannah. The girl beamed and gurgled, drool dripping down her chin. James crouched down and placed Hannah onto the bench seat beside Rose.</p><p>“Nappy change,” he explained unnecessarily, peeling Hannah’s leggings down her chubby thighs. He cooed down at the baby as he efficiently cleaned and changed her, and he handed her to Rose while he tended to Maddie.</p><p>“We should probably feed them,” Rose said, glancing at her watch. “Think we’ve got time?”</p><p>James glanced over to the face painting station. “Probably. Ainsley and Sianin are still waiting their turn.”</p><p>By now, James and Rose were proficient with mealtimes, and especially mealtimes in public; it helped that the twins were good eaters. They very rarely made a fuss about what food they were being offered, unless it was a brand-new food. However, James and Rose tried to keep the experimentation at home so as to not provoke a public meltdown. The twins happily munched on their lunch of pureed avocado and peas, and ended up wearing a decent amount of it in the process. They were starting to grab the spoon to feed themselves, and while both parents were pleased with the milestone, it made mealtimes that much messier and more frustrating.</p><p>“I win,” Rose crowed when she tossed the empty jar and spoon into the baby bag. Maddie, the twin she had been feeding, only had a few drops of green on her shirt, whereas Hannah’s entire shirt was covered.</p><p>James stuck his tongue out at her and continued coaxing Hannah into swallowing her food rather than playing with it in her mouth.</p><p>“Mummy, Daddy, look!”</p><p>Rose glanced over and saw her second oldest child racing towards her. Sianin skidded to a halt then closed her eyes and pointed to her face. She had gotten a spider web haloed across her forehead and around her eyes and eyelids, with a series of black spiders peppered along her cheeks and crawling down her jaw and neck.</p><p>“Very spooky,” James praised. “You look beautiful, darling.”</p><p>“Let me take your picture,” Rose said, grabbing her phone.</p><p>Sianin grinned at the camera, baring her teeth and scrunching her eyes shut. Rose laughed and snapped the picture, then said, “Okay, a little more restrained, if you please.”</p><p>Ainsley hurried up to them next. She had gotten a tree painted along the right side of her face; its branches stretched midway across her nose and forehead, and sparse red and orange leaves floated across to the other side of her face, collecting into a pile along the curve of her jaw.</p><p>Rose dutifully took Ainsley’s photograph, then told the girls to pose together.</p><p>As Rose took the photos, James worked on cleaning Hannah’s messy face and neck, and switched out her soiled shirt for a clean one. He then swapped babies to get Maddie cleaned up. When he’d finished with her, he set both babies in Rose’s arms and said, “Everyone sit with Mummy.”</p><p>Ainsley and Sianin scrambled onto the bench and wrapped their arms around Rose’s waist. James backed up a few paces and snapped their photograph.</p><p>“Watch out, love,” Rose called out as he continued stepping back to get a better angle and nearly bowled over an elderly couple.</p><p>“Oh, blimey, I’m so sorry,” he said, eyes wide.</p><p>“Would you like us to take your photograph?” the old woman said, waving off his apology. “You’ve got such a beautiful family, it’d be a shame if you were left out of this memory.”</p><p>Rose could see James’s chest puffing up with pride. “That’d be brilliant. Thanks so much.”</p><p>He handed his phone to the old woman and motioned for Sianin to stand up. He sat in her place, then hauled her onto his lap. Wishing she could tug Ainsley into her lap, Rose settled for readjusting her grip on the twins so she could wrap her arm around her eldest child. Ainsley leaned into Rose’s side, wrapping one arm around Rose’s lower back, and the other in front of the twins.</p><p>“Smile,” the old woman said before she tapped the phone screen a few times. “There! Beautiful!” She hobbled up to them, her husband trailing good-naturedly behind her. “Daughters are such a wonderful blessing, aren’t they?”</p><p>“Oh, yes,” James replied, accepting his phone from her.</p><p>“We had three girls,” the old man piped up. “Best gifts to come of our fifty-six years together. Now we’ve got four grandsons and three granddaughters, with a great-granddaughter on the way shortly after the New Year.”</p><p>He smiled softly down at his wife, who beamed up at him. Rose’s heart squeezed with happiness, and she blurted, “Can we take your photograph for you?”</p><p>“Oh, that’s very kind, dear, but we haven’t got those fancy mobile phones. Just those old flip-phones. Our children try to get us to upgrade, but we can’t seem to justify the expense.” The old woman laughed. “Thank you for the offer though. Have a lovely day.”</p><p>The old man linked his hand through his wife’s, and together they shuffled away and got lost in the crowd of people.</p><p>“They were so adorable,” Ainsley sighed dreamily. She nudged her elbow into Rose’s ribs. “That’s gonna be you and Dad in like forty years.”</p><p>“I sure hope so,” Rose murmured, glancing up at her husband.</p><p>James’s face was soft as he leaned down and brushed a kiss to her lips.</p><p>“Ew, stop that,” Sianin whined, wriggling off of James’s lap.</p><p>“Shut up, Sian,” Ainsley said. “We’re lucky that Mum and Dad love each other. We could’ve been stuck with parents who hated each other and fought and yelled constantly.”</p><p>“Nuh uh, because Mummy’s egg and Daddy’s sperm made us, so we wouldn’t <em>be us</em> if we had different mummies and daddies.”</p><p>Rose blinked, her expression mirroring James’s.</p><p>“That’s… that’s very astute, Sianin,” he said.</p><p>She squinted at him. “What’s a stute?”</p><p>“<em>Astute</em>,” James corrected. “All one word. Means clever. That was a very clever observation you just made, about you being a different person if you came from a different mum and dad.”</p><p>“Oh, okay. Can we do the corn maze now?”</p><p>“Sure, darling.” James stood and took one of the twins from Rose, securing her into the pram once more.</p><p>Rose stood with the second baby, but had to sit back down again when the world tilted on its axis. She tightened her hold on her baby, suddenly terrified she was about to drop her.</p><p>“Whoa.” James gripped her shoulder. “You okay?”</p><p>“Stood up a bit fast,” Rose said, blinking against her pulsing vision. “Gimme a minute.”</p><p>James squeezed her shoulder, then reached down to take the baby she held, strapping her into the pram beside her twin. By the time he’d finished that task, Rose’s head had cleared and it didn’t feel as tingly.</p><p>“Let’s go to the corn maze,” she announced with enthusiasm.</p><p>James was watching her closely, but after a few seconds, he nodded and moved to begin pushing the baby buggy in the direction of the corn maze.</p><p>“Let me?” Rose requested, hoping that her balance would be aided by holding on to the pram.</p><p>“Have some water first,” James said, cracking open a new bottle. He stole a few mouthfuls before he handed it to her.</p><p>She hadn’t realized how thirsty she was, but once the cool liquid hit her throat, she couldn’t stop herself from polishing half of the bottle off at once. Rehydrating helped, and she didn’t feel as shaky as she walked with her family to the corn maze.</p><p>James kept his hand on her lower back as he guided her inside the maze on the heels of an exuberant Ainsley and Sianin.</p><p>“Can we do it on our own?” Ainsley pleaded when they made it to the first fork in the path.</p><p>Rose hesitated. The corn maze was intended for children and families, so it wasn’t all that complex. Ainsley had a decent sense of direction and solid logic skills, so she would probably be fine. But if she and Sianin got separated… Well, it was a <em>maze</em>. A game designed for players to get <em>lost</em>.</p><p>“Pleeeease?” Ainsley begged, turning her pout on her father.</p><p>Rose had to bite her lip to stop from smiling. She could practically see James’s reservations disappearing as Ainsley flashed him those big blue eyes of hers. He helplessly turned to Rose.</p><p>“I guess it’s okay,” Rose said, then she hardened her voice. “Hold your sister’s hand and <em>do not let go</em>.” She glared at her middle child. “Do <em>not</em> leave Ainsley’s side. Do you hear me?”</p><p>Sianin nodded solemnly, even as Ainsley scoffed and rolled her eyes. “There are maze attendants wandering around the maze the entire time, Mum. It’s not like she would permanently be lost in there.”</p><p>“Watch your tone, little miss,” James said, arching an eyebrow. “Your teen years are still a few years off, yeah? You’re not allowed to get annoyed with your mum for caring and worrying about you and your sisters.”</p><p>Ainsley blinked, her cheeks flushing. “Sorry. I just… I meant that we’re not alone in there, is all.”</p><p>Rose took in a deep breath then let it out again. “Fine. Go ahead.”</p><p>“Hold hands,” James called after them. “I don’t care how sweaty your palms get.”</p><p>Rose watched her eldest kids clasp hands, but right before they disappeared around a corner, they let go again.</p><p>“Insubordinate little terrors,” James grumbled, though Rose heard the affection in his voice. </p><p>They chanced upon Ainsley and Sianin a few times as they navigated the maze, until about ten minutes later, James and Rose emerged. Rose’s head was pounding when they left the maze, and she immediately sank onto a nearby bench. James sat beside her and wrapped his arm loosely around her waist.</p><p>“Not sure it bodes well for me if my feet are already this tired,” Rose joked, leaning into his side.</p><p>“I’ll give you a foot massage when we get home,” he promised, kissing the top of her head.</p><p>“Mmm, I knew there was a reason I kept you around.”</p><p>“Definitely just for the sex,” he deadpanned.</p><p>Rose laughed. “What can I say? You’re a pretty good shag.”</p><p>“Pretty good?” he squawked, indignant. “<em>Pretty good</em>?! Rose Tyler-McCrimmon, you take that back! I am the best shag you’ve ever had.”</p><p>She patted his thigh good-naturedly. “You’re the <em>only</em> shag I’ve ever had.”</p><p>“Because why mess with perfection?” he asked, preening.</p><p>Giggling, she stretched and pecked a kiss to the corner of his mouth. He turned his head to catch her lips full-on.</p><p>Some far-off corner of Rose’s mind told her that they were far too old to be snogging in public, but that thought was silenced by the pleasure of James’s mouth moving with hers. They fell into an easy rhythm of lips pulling and pushing, of tongues teasing and gliding. He moaned quietly, and though the sound sent heat curling low in her belly, it was the trigger she needed to pull them out of the kiss. His soft, disappointed whimper nearly broke her resolve, but she persevered, and pulled away to rest her head on his shoulder.</p><p>They sat in contented silence for several minutes, enjoying each other’s company and the gorgeous autumn day. However, the tranquility evaporated as more time passed and Ainsley and Sianin had yet to emerge from the maze.</p><p>“They’re probably fine,” James said, even though his bouncing knee belied his anxiety.</p><p>“You might wanna leave out the word ‘probably’ the next time you go to reassure me,” Rose muttered.</p><p>“I’ll go looking for them if they’re not out within the next ten minutes,” he said. “Remind me why we let them do the maze alone?”</p><p>“Because we can’t resist when one of them pouts?”</p><p>“We really need to work on that,” he grumbled. “<em>We’re</em> the authority figures, dammit.”</p><p>Rose snorted, and returned her attention to keeping watch of the maze exit. To their surprise—and slight concern—Ainsley and Sianin prancing over to them, happy as could be, from the direction of the main festival grounds.</p><p>“Where were you?” James demanded. “You were supposed to stay here and meet us.”</p><p>Ainsley winced apologetically. “Sorry. Sianin had to use the toilet.”</p><p>“It was an <em>emergency</em>,” the six-year-old added. “I thought I was gonna wee myself.”</p><p>“She threatened to squat behind a tree. I told her I’d find her an actual toilet.” Ainsley skipped up to James and threw her arms around his neck, jumping to plant a kiss to his cheek. “Sorry Daddy.”</p><p>James sighed, and returned her kiss. “Try not to wander off in public again. Especially somewhere as crowded as this. But thank you for helping your sister.”</p><p>“Can we get our pumpkins now?” Sianin asked, bouncing on her toes. </p><p>“Sure thing,” James said, standing.</p><p>He turned to Rose and held out his hands to pull her to her feet. As soon as she was standing, her stomach gave a violent lurch and her vision went dark. Rose couldn’t feel her body or the ground beneath her feet.</p><p>
  <em>Oh, God, don’t pass out, don’t pass out, don’t pass out… </em>
</p><p>James was calling her name, but she couldn’t hear him. Her bum hit something hard, and she blinked firmly, trying to clear her swimming vision to see if she’d fallen over. </p><p>No, James’s hands were wrapped around her biceps from where he’d guided her back onto the bench. He was crouched between her legs, brow knit in anxiety.</p><p>“Breath, love,” he said, his voice deceptively calm. “Breath. Talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”</p><p>“M’really dizzy,” she answered, leaning forward. James hurriedly got out of her way, as though concerned she was about to vomit all over him. Instead, Rose set her elbows on her knees and braced her head in her hands.</p><p>“Are you going to be sick?”</p><p>“I dunno,” she admitted. The nausea in her stomach was steadily rising higher and higher, constricting her throat and flooding her mouth with saliva. She swallowed, desperate for the feeling to go away.</p><p>“I wanna get pumpkins!”</p><p>“Hush, Sianin,” James said. “Ainsley, fetch me a water bottle. And crackers. Quick as you can.”</p><p>Moments later, a lukewarm bottle of water was pressed into her hands.</p><p>“Drink up,” James said. “Then we’ll try some crackers. You haven’t eaten all day, which probably isn’t helping.”</p><p>Rose grunted in agreement, but didn’t bother telling him that the thought of eating anything was abhorrent to her. Instead, she slowly sipped her water, pleased when her head stopped spinning after a few minutes.</p><p>“Deep breaths. As soon as you can stand, we’ll head to the car.”</p><p>“Noooooo!” Sianin wailed. “We need to get our <em>pumpkins</em>!”</p><p>“Sianin, enough,” James snapped. “Your mum is unwell.”</p><p>Though she hated Sianin’s tone, Rose agreed with the sentiment. They’d been having such a nice day, and the weather had been cooperating, a rarity for October in England. She didn’t want to be the reason their family outing was cut short. Plus, they had <em>plans</em>. Robert was coming over that night to help carve pumpkins, but to carve pumpkins, they first needed to <em>obtain </em>pumpkins.</p><p>“Give me a minute,” Rose said, continuing to drink her water. She scrubbed her hands across her face; her cheeks were cold and clammy.</p><p>“It’s fine, love,” James said, lowering his voice so only she could hear. “Sianin has to learn that other people have to take priority sometimes.”</p><p>“You could always take ‘em to the pumpkin patch,” Rose said.</p><p>He scoffed. “And leave you here by yourself? Absolutely not.”</p><p>“I’m feeling better already,” Rose said, though she wasn’t sure James entirely believed her. “Seriously. I’m just gonna sit here and drink some water and eat my crackers. Very boring. The pumpkin patch isn’t all that far away.”</p><p>“I could stay with Mum.”</p><p>Rose glanced over and realized with a start that Ainsley was crouched at her other side. Seeing she had her mother’s attention, Ainsley stood and plopped down onto the bench beside Rose.</p><p>“No, darling, I can’t make you do that,” James said. “That’s sweet, but…”</p><p>“I don’t mind,” Ainsley insisted. “Seriously. Take Sianin and find some pumpkins.”</p><p>“You won’t be able to pick out your pumpkin,” Rose protested, rubbing Ainsley's thigh.</p><p>Ainsley shrugged. “A pumpkin’s a pumpkin. As long as I get to carve it, I don’t particularly care what it looks like. Besides, aren’t you always going on about compromise and whatnot?”</p><p>James frowned at her. “Well, yeah, but this isn’t exactly a compromise.”</p><p>“It’s close enough,” Ainsley argued. “I get to spend a bit of time with Mum while you and Sianin pick out some pumpkins. Better than Mum passing out in a pumpkin patch, or leaving here with nothing.”</p><p>Rose’s heart felt too big to fit in her chest. To her mortification, her eyes burned and her throat swelled shut. Her Ainsley—her sweet, darling Ainsley—had more emotional maturity and empathy than many adults.</p><p>“Mum? Mum, what’s wrong? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”</p><p>“I’m fine,” she rasped. “I just… Oh, God, I love you, Ainsley. I love you so much.”</p><p>Rose reached over and hauled Ainsley over for a firm hug, breathing in the scent of her child and the surrounding woodsmoke and dead leaves and fresh air.</p><p>“Er… I love you too?”</p><p>James’s warm, solid hand stroked her back as she shed silent tears into Ainsley’s hair, clinging to her daughter. Ainsley, bless her, simply returned the hug and nuzzled her face into Rose’s neck.</p><p>“Love you, Mum.”</p><p>“I love you too Mummy!”</p><p>Sianin raced up to them, squirming her way between Rose’s thighs to throw her arms around her mum’s waist. Rose snorted at her antics, but planted a dutiful kiss to Sianin’s forehead.</p><p>“I love you, too sweetheart.” Rose wiped her eyes dry. “Can you try to work on your empathy a bit more in the future?”</p><p>“Empathy?”</p><p>Rose bit her lip. “I wasn’t feeling well, and your dad and sister were trying to help me, but you were asking about yourself, and what you wanted. That isn’t a polite thing to do. The needs of other people are equally as important as your own, and sometimes they need to be prioritized—made more important—over what you want, okay?”</p><p>Sianin shrugged. “Okay.” She glanced over at James. “Pumpkin time?”</p><p>James nodded as he rubbed Rose’s lower back. “Yeah. Pumpkin time. Very quick pumpkin time. I don’t want to leave your mum and sister alone for too long. Fifteen minutes, okay?”</p><p>Her face fell. “But…”</p><p>“Sianin,” James said warningly. “Fifteen minutes, or not at all.”</p><p>The six-year-old sighed, shoulders drooping. “Okay. Fifteen minutes.”</p><p>James stood up from the bench, then he leaned down and planted a kiss to Rose’s forehead. He gave a similar kiss to Ainsley.</p><p>“Call me if anything happens,” James said, looking at Rose and Ainsley in turn.</p><p>“Cross my heart,” Ainsley said solemnly, making an ‘X’ across her chest, then standing to trace one across his.</p><p>His face softened, and he pulled her in for a tight hug. “I love you both. We’ll be back soon.” He released Ainsley and glanced at Rose. “Try to eat something.”</p><p>Rose gave him a lazy salute, which made him roll his eyes, even though a grin tugged at the corner of his mouth.</p><p>He reached down for Sianin’s hand and guided her in the direction of the pumpkin patch. </p><p>When they were out of earshot, Ainsley exhaled loudly. “God, Sianin’s a selfish arse… er, <em>asinine</em> child.”</p><p>Rose pursed her lips, amused. “Nice catch. Don’t curse.”</p><p>“Seriously though. How dare she? She’s always “me me me”, it’s annoying.”</p><p>Refusing to put down one child in the presence of the other, Rose covered Ainsley’s hand and squeezed. “She’s still learning. She’s only six. We need to help her, not lose our patience with her.”</p><p>“Swift kick up her <em>arse</em>-inine bum should do the trick,” Ainsley muttered under her breath, but her lips quirked up into a small smile.</p><p>Rose rolled her eyes. God, she sounded just like her father, especially with the word play.</p><p>“Where did you learn the word ‘asinine’ anyway? School?”</p><p>Ainsley snorted. “Pfff. Our word lists are a joke. Nah, I read it in one of my books. It’s a fun word. <em>Assssssssinine</em>.”</p><p>Definitely sounded like James. Rose wrapped her arm around Ainsley’s waist and pecked a kiss to her temple. “You certainly have a mind for words and language.”</p><p>Ainsley hummed, her chest puffing out with pride. She then peeked over and said, “If you’re not gonna eat those crackers, can I have some?”</p><p>Rose nodded and handed her the sleeve of plain crackers, but stole a handful for herself first. Cautiously, she nibbled on one and was pleased when it didn’t make her any more nauseated.</p><p>“What’s the matter, anyway?” Ainsley asked.</p><p>“Just a bit of tummy troubles,” Rose said smoothly. “It doesn't help that I wasn’t feeling hungry so I didn’t eat much. I’ll be fine, love.”</p><p>“What’s the point of a pet name?” </p><p>Rose choked on her cracker. Coughing, she drank some water, then croaked, “What do you mean?”</p><p>Ainsley shrugged. “Dad calls us “darling” a lot. And you two both call us “sweetheart”. And “love”. You and Dad call each other “love” all the time, too. M’just curious why you don’t just say our real names.”</p><p>Rose examined her eldest carefully. “Do you not like it that we sometimes call you by a pet name? If you’d prefer, your dad and I can work on only calling you Ainsley.”</p><p>She shook her head. “No, no. I didn’t mean it like a bad thing. I was curious. Because I don’t have any impulse to call you anything other than “Mum”, or Sianin by anything but “Sianin”. I’m curious about how that all starts. The origin of it, I guess.”</p><p>“I dunno, really,” Rose admitted. “They sort of… slip out at first, then it becomes a habit. One day, if you get a significant other or have a child, you’ll have to let me know if you start using pet names.”</p><p>Ainsley giggled, and she rested her head on Rose’s shoulder as they waited for James and Sianin to return.</p><p>oOoOo</p><p>To Rose’s relief, her nausea and sensitive stomach had abated by the following day. While she seemed to prefer pain foods, her stomach didn’t roll if she attempted to eat anything else a little more exotic. However, to help keep the pregnancy hidden for the next few weeks before they told their eldest children about it, James and Rose worked around her appetite to plan and prepare meals. </p><p>“Not a good tummy day?” James asked when he came home from teaching one evening to see her boiling water for another pasta dish.</p><p>Eloquently, Rose replied, “Enh. I’m a bit… bleh.”</p><p>“Right. I know <em>exactly</em> what you mean.”</p><p>She stuck her tongue out at him and elaborated. “I’m feelin’ a bit crampy and bloated.”</p><p>“Crampy?”</p><p>“Nothing to worry about. Like I’ve got a ton of gas rollin’ around in my stomach. It’s sort of an uncomfortable pressure.”</p><p>James came up behind her to wrap his arms loosely around her middle. “Surprised you didn’t make a meal with beans in it to help you alleviate some of that gas.”</p><p>“Pretty sure you’d kick me out of bed tonight if I had,” she drawled, leaning her head back into his chest. She hummed when he pressed even closer. “You feel good.”</p><p>“You feel even better. Coming home to you is my favorite part of the day.” He nuzzled his nose into the side of her neck before planting a delicate kiss there.</p><p>Goosebumps prickled across her skin. She sighed and tilted her head to the side, urging him to continue. He did, lavishing her neck and ear with kisses. He explored lazily, taking his time painting her neck with his lips until her bones had practically melted and she was slumped against him.</p><p>“Love doing this to you,” he whispered. He shifted her hair off of her shoulder so he could turn his attention to the other side of her neck. “Could spend hours kissing you.”</p><p>“Pretty sure that’s why I’m pregnant again,” Rose breathed, moaning when a frisson of pleasure sparked shivers across her skin. “<em>James</em>.”</p><p>“How long’s the pasta been boiling anyway?” he asked, sounding far too clear-headed while she could barely keep her eyes open as she lost herself in the sensations of his mouth. “D’you want it al dente or squishy?</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“Firm or flaccid?” he asked, a smirk dripping from his words as he nipped the sensitive skin right beneath her ear.</p><p>Rose gasped and reached up to thread her fingers through James’s hair. It was soft as ever, and she took a few selfish seconds to run her fingers through it. Though it wasn’t entirely selfish, judging by the groan rumbling up his chest. Pleased to finally be garnering a reaction from him, she dropped her other hand to cup her palm at the front of James’s jeans.</p><p>“I can think of some other things I’d prefer to be firm,” she purred, giving him a slow caress.</p><p>He exhaled a low, shaky breath, and rolled his hips into her hand. Nothing was really going on in his pants, no doubt because he was as aware as she was that their kids were in the living room and due to come into the kitchen for dinner any minute. Nevertheless, she knew he enjoyed the touch, even if he wasn’t physically reacting; she gave him a teasing squeeze, applying <em>just enough</em> pressure to make his breathing hitch.</p><p>“Check the noodles, love,” he murmured into her ear, planting one last kiss to her cheek before he took her hand away from his crotch and stepped to a cabinet for the strainer.</p><p>“You don’t want me to check your noodle?”</p><p>James let out a loud bark of laughter that prompted Sianin to poke her head into the kitchen to ask if it was dinnertime.</p><p>“Almost,” Rose answered, trying to ignore the lingering heat in her cheeks and neck.</p><p>Dinner was uneventful, if not messy as James and Rose tried to get the twins to eat tiny pieces of noodles covered in alfredo sauce. They ended up wearing more than they ate, and Hannah discovered that she could send alfredo sauce flying in every direction if she smacked her palms into the globs that had fallen off the spoon and onto her dinner tray.</p><p>“This is gonna be a nightmare with three,” James mumbled out of the corner of his mouth as he wiped down his messy baby.</p><p>“We can see if straightjackets come in baby sizes.”</p><p>He laughed and bent to kiss Rose’s forehead, then Hannah’s.</p><p>After dinner, Rose curled up with her husband on the sofa, hoping to continue what they’d started in the kitchen. She wasn’t in the mood for a full-on make out session—especially since the kids were still up—but she was in the mood to tightly snuggle him and be held by him. She was in luck; he had similar plans.</p><p>“Are you gonna kiss all night?” Sianin asked, making a face at them when Rose draped one of her legs across his and stretched to kiss his jaw.</p><p>“Probably,” she replied. “But mostly cuddle. Because I am completely besotted with your dad and wanna show it.”</p><p>“Why can’t you do that on your own time?” she whined.</p><p>“Sianin, stop it,” James said. “We’re not full-on snogging. Your mum wants a cuddle, so I’m giving her a cuddle because I’m just as besotted with her.”</p><p>Sianin rolled her eyes and grumbled some more before turning her attention to the television. Ainsley smirked at them from where she sat on the rocking reclining chair, a book in her lap.</p><p>James stuck his tongue out at their eldest, then he nuzzled his cheek into the top of Rose’s head. His day-old stubble caught in her hair, making a mess of it, but she didn’t care as long as he kept hugging her. She was nearly completely enclosed in his embrace, with her face tucked into his chest and her arms around his hips and his head bowed over hers. She loved it and never wanted to move.</p><p>Of course, they obviously did have to move when they started the process of getting the twins and Sianin to bed. And though Ainsley’s bedtime wasn’t for another hour, she surprised her parents by kissing their cheeks and saying, “I’m gonna read in my room for a bit then go to bed. Nighty night. Have fun.”</p><p>“Stop that,” James said, grimacing at her. </p><p>“Sex is a healthy and normal part of any relationship,” Ainsley quipped, throwing their oft-said words back at them. “And I’m not an idiot. I know you have sex a lot.”</p><p>Rose didn’t deign to respond, and instead kissed Ainsley goodnight and helped James with the bedtime routine for their other children. </p><p>By the time she’d finished getting the twins to sleep, James was in their room, having finished Sianin’s bedtime story.</p><p>“Did you want to have sex tonight?” he asked curiously. “Didn’t think you’d be in the mood for it, considering you said you didn’t feel well.”</p><p>“No, I’m not in the mood for sex,” she admitted. “But I would like a topless cuddle if we could?”</p><p>“I’m always eager to get topless with you,” James said, grinning. “Love seeing my sexy wife.”</p><p>Rose winked. “Not as much as I love seeing my buff husband.”</p><p>James preened, puffing up his chest and flexing for her. He was by no means muscular, but he certainly wasn’t wiry. He had enough muscle definition that his pectorals, biceps, and abdominals shifted with his movements.</p><p>“I love you, you nutter,” Rose giggled, skipping up to him to plant a smacking kiss to his lips.</p><p>They rushed through their nighttime routine before falling into bed together. They indulged in many slow and lazy kisses that were more for comfort and love than for pleasure. And though James’s body responded after a while, he assured her it wasn’t pressing, and he very much wanted to continue kissing and holding her.</p><p>When they eventually stopped so that they could sleep, Rose found that her sleep was interrupted by bouts of nausea and cramping low in her stomach. <em>Perhaps the dairy from the alfredo hadn’t been a good idea after all</em>, she grumbled as she rolled away from her husband to curl into a ball on her side.</p><p>Even with her eyes closed, she felt dizzy and lightheaded and on the verge of throwing up if she moved too quickly. She alternated between being too hot and too cold, and she was almost relieved when James’s alarm went off because at least she didn’t need to keep her movements to a minimum anymore.</p><p>“Morning,” he mumbled groggily, slotting his warm body behind her. “Have a nice sleep?”</p><p>“No,” she admitted. “I don’t feel well.”</p><p>He was instantly awake. He propped himself up on his elbow and reached forward to touch the backs of his fingers to her forehead, then her cheeks.</p><p>“You feel sweaty,” he noticed. </p><p>“Feel like I’m about to be sick,” she sighed, settling onto her back with her knees pulled to her chest. “But I never actually get there. And I’m really bloody dizzy.”</p><p>“Do you want me to call off work today?” he asked.</p><p>She shook her head. “No, you’ve got more important things to do than listen to me whine.”</p><p>“Nothing’s as important as you,” he rebutted. “How about I see if someone can watch the twins today? Let you laze in bed. And I’ll drop Ainsley and Sianin off at school.”</p><p>“Would you?” she asked gratefully.</p><p>“Anything for my wonderful wife, my perfect partner, my stupendous soulmate.”</p><p>Rose cracked a grin, her heart swelling with affection. “My handsome hero.”</p><p>James giggled high in his throat, and leaned down to peck a soft kiss to her forehead. “Try to get more rest, love.”</p><p>He left their bed and went through his morning routine. She must have drifted off to sleep, because the next thing she knew, James was kissing her cheek and telling her he had the kids packed away in the car.</p><p>“The twins?” she asked.</p><p>“William’s mothers are keeping them for the day,” he answered, smoothing her hair away from her face. “I’ve put some water by your bed. Try to stay hydrated.”</p><p>“Love you.”</p><p>“Love you, too. I’ll check in on you throughout the day as I can.”</p><p>He kissed her one last time, then she was alone. Rolling over onto her side, she grabbed his pillow and hugged it close to her chest, breathing in his scent while she tried to ignore the cramping low in her belly long enough to drift off to sleep.</p><p>What had begun as a dull ache had turned to sharp throbbing over the course of the morning as Rose fell in and out of sleep. If she hadn’t known better, she would have thought they were menstrual cramps.</p><p>“What’s the matter, sweetheart?” Rose muttered to her belly as a sharp jab of pain flared through her hips, core, and lower back. On top of it, her bladder began making its presence known, forcing her from her warm, cozy bed.</p><p>“Let’s go wee, then d’you think you’ll let Mummy eat some toast? Will you let me keep toast down?” she asked as she shuffled to the toilet. “I hope so. Then we can go back to bed, I promise.”</p><p>She trailed her hand along the wall as she walked, making her way to the attached bathroom. Her dizziness had returned once again, making her lightheaded. She persevered, though, and finally made it to the loo.</p><p>But when she sank down onto the toilet, her heart skipped a beat then began pounding through her entire body as she beheld the blood in her underwear.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm going to try to update with the next chapter in the next couple of days so that the pregnancy complication cliffhanger isn't drawn out for too long. That's why there was such a delay in me posting this chapter... I wanted to make sure the next one was basically finished as well.</p><p>I hope you enjoyed this chapter! As always, I love hearing from y'all.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rose goes for a scan to check on the baby and find out why she's bleeding.</p><p>Chapter Word Count: ~ 6500</p><p>Chapter Rating: teen</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the start of the chapter:<br/>James: 39<br/>Rose: 34<br/>Ainsley: 9<br/>Sianin: 6<br/>Twins: 7 months</p><p> </p><p>  <b>Triggers for mentions/discussions of pregnancy complications.</b></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Oh no. No no no.</em>
</p><p>Rose slid her ruined knickers down her legs, pulling them off to inspect the damage. She’d bled completely through them.</p><p>How long had she been bleeding? Perhaps she’d merely been spotting lightly for several hours, and that made it look like she was bleeding heavier than she actually was. That had to be it. She wasn’t truly bleeding. It was just a little bit of blood. Nothing to be nervous about.</p><p>That was when a sharp, mocking cramp squeezed her lower belly.</p><p>“Please, no,” she whimpered, bending double and leaning forward over her lap. “Please.”</p><p>Rose finished up on the toilet then grabbed a pad and retreated to her room for a fresh pair of underwear. Spots of crimson stained the bed where she’d been lying; on autopilot, she stripped the bed and grabbed her phone, placing a call to her OBGYN’s office. With more composure than she felt, Rose explained her situation and symptoms while stuffing the sheets into the washing machine.</p><p>The midwife on the other end of the line said that some bleeding was normal; however, her suggestion to come in for a checkup negated any reassurances given. With an appointment scheduled for the afternoon, Rose ended the call and instead called James. It went to voicemail. She tried his office phone line. Voicemail again. </p><p>She glanced at the clock: ten-nineteen—he was teaching. Hoping he would check his phone immediately after class, Rose sent him a text asking him to call her.</p><p>With two hours to kill until her appointment, Rose tried to pass the time by relaxing on the couch and sipping water between switching over the laundry. All the while, she was glued to her phone, begging it to ring with a call from James.</p><p>But eleven o’clock came, then eleven-thirty and he still hadn’t called. Rose began panicking. She didn’t want to go to this appointment by herself. She wanted her husband by her side, holding her hand and telling her that everything would be okay. And if it wasn’t okay, she wanted him by her side, holding her hand and telling her that they would get through this together.</p><p>“Please call me, James,” she wrote on her arms. “I really, really need to speak with you.”</p><p>Rose then called the university to help her track down her husband. Her stomach sank when she was informed that he was in a series of meetings that would last until the early afternoon.</p><p>“Can we pass along a message?” the department secretary asked.</p><p>“Just tell him to call me,” Rose mumbled.</p><p>She threw her phone onto the sofa seat beside her and worked on calming her breathing. Short of going to the university and bursting in on his meetings, there was no way to get to him.</p><p>
  <em>Why wasn’t he checking his bloody arms?</em>
</p><p>“Shit,” she whimpered, eyes prickling. “<em>Shit!</em>”</p><p>She was out of time; she needed to leave for her appointment in a few minutes. She didn’t want to go alone, and so she contacted the next-best person: Robert. The longer his phone rang without him answering, the more panicked she became. Why wasn’t anybody available? She didn’t know who else she could call; everyone else she trusted to go to the appointment with her lived too far away. She should have tried reaching out sooner. She should have… </p><p>“Hey.” Rose nearly burst into tears at the sound of her father-in-law’s voice through her phone. “How are you feeling? James texted me this morning saying you were ill.”</p><p>“I need a favor,” she said, her voice breaking.</p><p>“What’s the matter? Are you all right?” The worry in his tone pushed her over the edge, and she began heaving huge, body-trembling sobs. “Rose? Rose!”</p><p>“I’m bleeding,” she hiccupped. “I’m bleeding a lot, Dad. And I can’t get a hold of James because he’s stuck in a bloody meeting. I have an appointment to check on the baby and I can’t go to this alone but I can’t reach James and I don’t know what to do!”</p><p>The words fell from her mouth in a rush amidst her sobs.</p><p>“Oh, darling,” Robert whispered, his voice wobbling. “Oh, Rose. I’m… I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“The midwife I spoke to said this was normal during pregnancy but I know it’s not,” she sniffled. “I’ve never bled with any of my pregnancies. <em>Never.</em>”</p><p>“I’m on my way,” Robert said. “Stay on the line with me, darling. I’ll be there in a couple minutes.”</p><p>“I can’t lose this baby. I <em>can’t</em>. <em>We</em> can’t. James… he’s already smitten with them and so am I. I love this baby so much.”</p><p>“I know,” Robert said gently.</p><p>With crippling, crushing intensity, Rose remember that her father-in-law had gone through this same heartbreaking scenario many times before with his wife. Her face crumpled anew. “Dad, I didn’t… I forgot… You don’t have to come. You don’t have to see this again.”</p><p>“Don’t you dare,” Robert said firmly. “You do not want to go through this alone, Rose. I won’t let you do this alone.”</p><p>“But…”</p><p>“No buts. I’m coming with you to your appointment and that’s that.”</p><p>Her tears started fresh, hard enough that she wasn’t capable of replying to his gentle words.</p><p>A few minutes later, her front door opened and her call with Robert ended. She sniffed hard and grabbed tissues to blot her nose and eyes as Robert stepped into the living room. His eyes were red-rimmed but dry as he approached her and sat on the sofa beside her.</p><p>“I can’t stop crying,” Rose rasped.</p><p>“I know.” He gathered her close to his chest, rubbing his hand up and down her back in broad, slow strokes.</p><p>“I want James,” she whimpered. “I mean… thank you for coming. But… I want James.”</p><p>“I know,” he said again. “I know, darling.”</p><p>“How am I supposed to tell him? What do I say?”</p><p>“Let’s wait until we hear what a medical professional has to say,” Robert said. “Then we can go from there.”</p><p>“James should be here,” she said. “What if he hates me for not trying harder to contact him?”</p><p>“He won’t,” Robert promised. “He could never hate you. Never. He’ll be more upset that he made himself so unreachable, honestly.”</p><p>Rose snorted a half-hearted laugh, then glanced at the clock. “We need to go.”</p><p>Robert was the one to drive them into town to Rose’s gynecologist. He held her hand for the entire drive and then as she waited to be called back. All the while, Rose attempted to get a hold of her husband but to no avail.</p><p>“Rose.” She lifted her head as Elizabeth’s familiar voice sounded from the doorway to the exam rooms. “Come on back with me.”</p><p>“I… I wasn’t expecting you…” It was a relief to be seen by her usual midwife. </p><p>Elizabeth gave her a solemn smile. “I saw you were on the appointments schedule… and saw your symptoms. I made myself available.”</p><p>Rose followed Elizabeth into an exam room, Robert trailing quietly behind them. When she saw Elizabeth glancing at him, Rose said, “My father-in-law. Robert. James is… unavailable.”</p><p>Elizabeth shook his hand. “I should have known. James looks just like you. Let me get your height and weight, Rose.”</p><p>Rose was silent through the preliminary checks, unsurprised when Elizabeth told her that her blood pressure and pulse were both high. Her voice was unsteady as she told Elizabeth when the symptoms had started and how they’d progressed.</p><p>“Let’s do an ultrasound. Lie back on the bed for me.” Elizabeth glanced over at Robert.</p><p>“He’s staying,” Rose said firmly.</p><p>Elizabeth nodded then rolled the ultrasound instrument closer. “Can you shift your clothing a bit? Free up that tummy.”</p><p>Rose slid her trousers and knickers slightly down her hips and pulled her top to just below her breasts, revealing her bare stomach.</p><p>“This’ll be a tad cold,” Elizabeth warned, though Rose already knew what the gel felt like.</p><p>It didn’t stop the jumping of her stomach muscles as Elizabeth squirted the cool gel onto her lower abdomen. Elizabeth then pressed the probe onto her skin and rolled it around, smearing the gel as she looked intently at the computer monitor. </p><p>Nervous tremors rippled through her body; Rose jiggled her foot to release some of the anxious tension.</p><p>“Lie as still as you can for me,” Elizabeth requested. “And try to relax. Easier said than done, I know.”</p><p>Rose breathed in slowly and deeply, trying to mentally prepare herself for the bad news that was sure to come. News that her baby was gone and she was miscarrying. Heat welled in her eyes, and she whimpered against fresh tears. They streaked in hot, wet lines down her temples and towards her ears.</p><p><em>I want James</em>.</p><p>Rose would have done anything, given anything, for her husband to magically appear in the room. She wanted to be holding his hand. She wanted him to kiss her softly, to lie to her and tell her everything was okay even though it wasn’t. She wanted to cling to him as they grieved the loss of their child.</p><p>Exhaling a shuddering breath, Rose pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes until blooms of lights spread beneath her lids. How was she supposed to tell James that their baby was gone? That <em>she</em> had lost their baby?</p><p>Her face crumpled and she couldn’t stop the shaking of her shoulders as she cried into her palms. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t think. She couldn’t feel anything apart from the raw, gaping hole in her chest.</p><p>Elizabeth blew out a low breath. “Rose. Rose, look at me. Look. Here’s your baby, Rose.”</p><p>“Oh, darling.” Robert’s voice cracked. He rested his hand on her wrist and squeezed. “Rose, darling, look.”</p><p>Confused, Rose dropped her hands and opened her eyes, but her vision was speckled and blurry from the pressure she’d put on her eyes. She blinked rapidly, impatiently rubbing away her tears and trying to focus on the computer monitor Elizabeth had turned towards her. There was a grainy gray image on the screen.</p><p>“I don’t see…”</p><p>Elizabeth re-centered the probe, then pointed to the screen. A black cavern was in the middle of the screen, but nestled among the blackness was a small, white shape. A small, white, baby-shaped shape.</p><p>“My baby?” Rose croaked.</p><p>“Your baby,” Elizabeth confirmed, tapping a couple buttons on the computer. The picture zoomed in on the baby, and Rose let out a whimper as she could just barely make out her baby’s features: the curved body; the circle of its head; the four stumpy pegs of its limbs. </p><p>Elizabeth pressed a couple more buttons; a rapid <em>whump-whump-whump</em> sounded through the room.</p><p>“The heartbeat,” Rose whispered, squeezing Robert’s hand so tightly it hurt. “Dad… Dad, my baby has a heartbeat!”</p><p>“I’m so happy,” he said warmly, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and planting a kiss to her hair.</p><p>“Let me see something,” Elizabeth murmured to herself, and she pressed down and in on Rose’s lower abdomen, jiggling slightly. “Aha!”</p><p>The baby on the screen began wriggling, flexing its arms and legs before rolling onto its back.</p><p>“They… they’re moving,” Rose whimpered, eyes glued to the computer monitor to watch her child.</p><p>“Actually, that’s a great position,” Elizabeth said. She clicked on the screen and dragged her cursor from the baby’s head to its bum. “There we go. Your baby measures just shy of two centimeters, which puts you at almost nine weeks. The current prediction for your due date based off of fetal length is late May, around the twenty-sixth.”</p><p>Rose turned her attention to Elizabeth. “But… the bleeding.”</p><p>“I found the source of that, too. Let’s zoom back out for a minute. Aaaand… here. Let me identify all of the pieces for you. This is the gestational sac.” Elizabeth pointed to the black cavern that housed the baby. “There’s your baby, as we’ve seen. And this is your uterus.” She pointed to the large gray mass that surrounded the gestational sac. “This is your placenta.” She traced the grayish mass between the baby and the uterine wall. Then she pointed to a small, dark mass beside the gestational sac. “And this is what we call a subchorionic hemorrhage.”</p><p>“Hemorrhage?” Robert asked sharply.</p><p>“It means that you have a bit of bleeding between the chorion—the sac surrounding the baby—and the endometrium—the inner wall of your uterus,” Elizabeth explained calmly. “While not common, this isn’t a rare pregnancy complication.”</p><p>“I’ve never heard of it before.”</p><p>“Often it is asymptomatic,” Elizabeth said with a shrug. “Some women have them without bleeding, so unless a sonographer catches it or is looking for it, it often goes unnoticed. However, bleeding and cramps are the most common symptoms.”</p><p>“Will it go away?”</p><p>“Usually. Once the hemorrhaging—the bleeding—stops, it’s called a hematoma. That’s basically a clot of blood sitting there. Sort of like an internal bruise. Over time, the hematoma often dissolves on its own and the issue will resolve itself.”</p><p>“And if it doesn’t?” Rose asked.</p><p>“We will continue monitoring it. Yours doesn’t appear to be an aggressive bleed, and it is not alarmingly large.”</p><p>“Will it grow at all?” Robert asked. “If she’s actively bleeding…?”</p><p>“It might,” Elizabeth admitted.</p><p>“How can I make it not grow?” Rose asked, desperate. “I will do <em>anything </em>you say.”</p><p>“Honestly, there isn’t much to be done for it. However, try to limit your physical activity for the next couple of weeks. I’m not placing you on a strict bedrest or anything, but try to limit the movement you do. No strenuous activity. No heavy lifting. No walking apart from your typical household movements. No running. Try to stay as stress-free as possible. Tricky, I know, with four children. And sorry to break this one, but no sex for a couple weeks, until the bleeding has stopped and the clot has shrunk.”</p><p>“How long will the bleeding and cramping last?” Rose asked, not fazed with the no sex edict. She was sure James wouldn’t mind either, if that meant giving their child a better chance to grow and thrive while in her womb.</p><p>“Could be a few days, could be a few weeks. It depends on whether your hemorrhage grows, and whether the eventual hematoma redissolves itself. I want to see you again in two to three weeks to check on everything. If the bleeding or cramping becomes much worse, come in sooner.” Elizabeth turned to her computer and typed away on it for a few quiet seconds.</p><p>“Could further complications arise from this?” Robert asked. “I’m not well-versed in anatomy, but I know things are pretty crowded in there during pregnancy. Could the hemorrhage somehow damage the placenta? If it bleeds between the placenta and the uterus, couldn’t it cause the placenta to pull away?”</p><p>“It could,” Elizabeth said. “That’s one of the fears with this sort of thing. However, judging by the size and placement of Rose’s bleeding, I would say that it is highly unlike for that to happen. Not impossible, mind, which is why I want you to try to take it as easy as you can, Rose. Just like with any injury, rest and limiting the movement of the affected area will speed the healing.”</p><p>Rose nodded, numb and overwhelmed, but clinging to the mental picture of her baby moving and rolling inside her womb. “Can I… can I have a print of the scan? To show James? And can you label the… the… sub, er, subchronic…”</p><p>“Subchorionic hemorrhage,” Elizabeth answered. “And absolutely. Tell you what, I’ll print you a clean copy and one with notes on it.”</p><p>“And, sorry, but could I record the heartbeat for James?” Rose asked sheepishly. She could already sense his impending panic about the baby, but she knew hearing the heartbeat would have a calming effect on him, like it had with her.</p><p>Elizabeth smiled in agreement. She pressed the ultrasound probe into Rose’s lower belly once more and brought up the image of her baby. Rose directed Robert to the pocket in her purse that held her phone, and had him take a video of the computer monitor. Helpfully, Elizabeth coaxed the baby into moving, and Rose smiled faintly as the baby twisted and flexed.</p><p>“Heartbeat’s a strong 160 beats per minute,” Elizabeth noted. “You’ve got a very healthy baby growing in there.”</p><p>Afterwards, Elizabeth handed Rose a few paper towels so she could wipe her belly clean while the midwife left the room to retrieve a few papers she’d printed. She returned with a stack of information packets, along with a glossy ultrasound photograph of the baby.</p><p>“I know this is scary and overwhelming,” Elizabeth said as she handed the papers to Rose, “but I assure you that this is a complication that usually resolves itself on its own. Try not to Google it too much, if you can help it.”</p><p>Rose snorted. “Have you met my husband?”</p><p>Elizabeth cracked a grin. “Yes, which is why I’m advising you to try to keep him from researching more about it. Obviously, the more information the better, but make sure it’s a vetted source to minimize any undue anxiety. If either of you have questions, please don’t hesitate to phone our office. Any of our midwives will be able to provide you with information or resources.”</p><p>“Thank you very much,” Rose said. “Genuinely. Thank you.”</p><p>“You’re very welcome,” Elizabeth said. “Go home and rest now. I’ll see you in a couple weeks.”</p><p>With a follow-up appointment scheduled, Rose gathered up her things then walked quietly with her father-in-law to the car. She slid into the passenger’s seat, buckled her seatbelt, then sighed heavily.</p><p>“How are you feeling?” Robert asked, touching her knee.</p><p>“Exhausted,” she admitted.</p><p>“I’ll bet. I am so relieved for you, Rose,” Robert said. “I am so glad everything is all right with my newest grandbaby.”</p><p>“Me too. Thank you for coming to this appointment. I know it must have been hard… I’m grateful you were with me.”</p><p>Robert let out a low breath and kept his eyes forward as he spoke. “The first time Vera miscarried, I wasn’t with her. I couldn’t get off work. It was her first appointment; she was maybe nine weeks along. Well. She was supposed to be nine weeks along. The baby had stopped growing at around six weeks. I wasn’t there at her appointment and she had to be told the news alone. They had to… they had to induce her, to make her body expel…” Robert drew in a shaky breath that nearly made Rose start crying. “I wasn’t there for her, and I’ve hated myself for that every day since. I went to every single appointment with her after that. So if there is ever a time when James isn’t available or is unreachable, please call me. I’m more than willing to go with you.”</p><p>Rose’s tears spilled over. She swiped at them impatiently then rested her hand on her father-in-law’s arm, squeezing gently. He glanced over at her and offered a small smile.</p><p>“I can’t imagine how hard that was for you and Vera. I’m so sorry, Dad.”</p><p>“It was a dark couple of years for us,” he admitted. “We nearly called it quits. We told ourselves that children weren’t in the cards for us, but then we got pregnant with James.” He laughed ruefully. “Vera was in denial about the pregnancy until the day James was born. She was convinced he wouldn’t make it. Despite all of her appointments showing us a healthy baby, I don’t think she could invest herself in another child she was certain she would lose. She didn’t want to know the sex of the baby, refused a baby shower, didn’t help with setting up the nursery and got upset with me for setting it up.”</p><p>Rose’s heart broke. She couldn’t imagine the grief of miscarrying a child not once, but multiple times.</p><p>“Even as she was in labor, I don’t think it truly sank in that our baby was coming,” Robert said. “God, she was laboring forever. Nearly two days. You know what that’s like.”</p><p>Rose hummed. She’d been in labor with Sianin for fifty-one hours, according to James. While her mind had blessedly forgotten the details, she knew it had been excruciating. And she knew James had not forgotten a single moment of her agony.</p><p>“Vee was convinced it was taking so long because there was a problem with the baby, that he hadn’t made it. She told the doctor by the end of it to perform a cesarean to end her suffering and to take the baby away. A half hour later, James was born. They set him on her chest and she was yelling at the nurses and yelling at me that she didn’t want to see the baby and to get him off of her, when all of a sudden, he started crying. I’d never seen her so stunned.” Robert chuckled to himself, lost in his memories. “I made a move to pick him up, because even though she was in denial about having a healthy, living, breathing child, I certainly wasn’t, and I wanted to hold my son. And she smacked me. She actually, genuinely <em>smacked</em> me.”</p><p>Rose snorted.</p><p>“It sank in after that,” Robert said. “Then she began panicking that we had nothing ready for him. We didn’t even have a name for him; she wouldn’t discuss names with me at all up until then.”</p><p>“How did you come up with a name for him, anyway?” Rose couldn’t imagine her soulmate having a name other than James. They were James and Rose, always and forever.</p><p>Robert smiled and recited, “<em>Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing</em>.”</p><p>Rose was taken aback. “Is that…?”</p><p>“A biblical passage,” Robert answered, nodding. “That passage was a favorite of ours, particularly during our struggles to conceive. Ultimately our patience was rewarded. We had a perfect little baby boy. Those verses are from the book of James, so it only made sense to name him James. Our perfect work.”</p><p>“And then you gave him your name too.”</p><p>“Mhm. Since I’d taken Vera’s last name, and therefore James would have her last name, she wanted him to have a name of mine, too. James Robert McCrimmon. Our little Jamie. That was Vera’s pet name for him.”</p><p>“I remember,” Rose said with a wistful smile. “God, I wish I could have met her, even if it was only once.”</p><p>“I wish that, too. But she always loved hearing from you,” Robert said. “She loved chatting with you on the phone or through James.”</p><p>“Speaking of James…” Rose grabbed for her purse when she felt it vibrating between her feet. She rooted around until she found her phone; her husband’s grinning face confirmed him as the caller. “What am I supposed to tell him?”</p><p>“The truth,” Robert said.</p><p>“No shit,” she remarked, rolling her eyes. “I meant how do I explain all of this to him? I don’t want to worry him.”</p><p>“Well, you can’t ignore him,” Robert said.</p><p>“I could.”</p><p>“You think that won’t make him panic more? Having seen several missed calls and messages from you, asking him to call you, and then suddenly you’re not answering?”</p><p>Rose sighed, her shoulders slumping. She only had another couple of rings before it would go to voicemail. Inhaling deeply, Rose pressed the little green phone icon, accepting his call.</p><p>“Hiya,” she said, hoping her voice sounded cheery and unbothered.</p><p>“Rose. I just got your messages.” His voice sounded tight with worry already. “What’s wrong? Are you feeling okay? Has your stomach gotten worse? Do you need me to come home?”</p><p>“I’m fine,” Rose said gently. “But I… I need to tell you something. Are you somewhere private? Are you alone?”</p><p>“In my office. Why? What’s wrong?”</p><p>“Nothing’s wrong. I’m going to tell you why I wanted to get a hold of you, but firstly, I need you to know that I’m all right, and so is the baby. Okay? We’re both okay.”</p><p>He was silent for a few long seconds. “Why did you need to preface with that?”</p><p>“Because I don’t want you to worry.” Rose licked her lips, debating, before finally saying, “I had a bit of bleeding.”</p><p>“Bleeding?”</p><p>“Yeah. I went to my OBGYN,” Rose said.</p><p>“Your OBGYN?”</p><p>“Yeah. And everything is fine.”</p><p>“Fine?”</p><p>“Are you gonna repeat everything I say?” she teased.</p><p>He didn’t laugh. “Where are you? Which hospital? I’m on my way.”</p><p>“No need…”</p><p>“Like hell,” he snapped. “Where are you?”</p><p>“James, stop. I’m on my way home.”</p><p>“Then I’ll meet you there,” he said tightly. He was quiet for a beat, then sniffed. “You and the baby are <em>both</em> okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, we’re fine. I… I heard the heartbeat, love. It’s beautiful. Our baby is beautiful. Looked like a little gummy bear.”</p><p>He snorted softly. “I’m heading home. I want to know everything.”</p><p>“I can tell you over the phone,” she complained.</p><p>“I need to see your face,” he said.</p><p>She frowned. “You don’t believe me when I say I’m fine?”</p><p>“It’s not that,” he said. “Of course I believe you. I just… I need to see you. I can’t explain.”</p><p>Rose knew exactly what he meant. “Okay. I’ll see you in a bit.”</p><p>“Bye.” He disconnected their call, and Rose stuffed her phone back into her purse.</p><p>“That went as well as could be expected,” Rose said, rubbing her fingertips into her eyes. “He’ll meet us at the house.”</p><p>Robert drove them home in silence. When they got there, James’s car was already parked in the drive.</p><p>“Did he speed?” Rose muttered, rolling her eyes.</p><p>He must have been watching for her, because they’d barely pulled up behind his car when the front door opened and he walked towards them. Rose could see the anxious tension vibrating through his body. The moment the car turned off, she exited the vehicle and went directly to him.</p><p>He went in for the hug at the same time she did. He clutched her closely, murmuring her name. The events of the day hit her all at once, and to her mortification, her tears started up again in earnest until she was sobbing into his neck.</p><p>“I swear I’m fine,” she blubbered. “I swear it. God, I’m a mess. I’m sorry. It’s been a long day, is all. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“It’s all right,” he whispered, rubbing her back. “I’m sorry you couldn’t reach me today. I’m so sorry. I was in a series of meetings all morning and afternoon, and I left my phone in my office, and the university hasn’t turned on the heating yet so I was freezing and kept my hands inside my sleeves, so I didn’t see my arms. Sorry, you don’t care about any of that. Let’s go inside and we’ll chat, eh? Have a nice cuppa tea and some biscuits or something. Are you hungry? Have you eaten today?”</p><p>“Piece of toast,” she said, sniffing thickly.</p><p>“Baby needs more than that,” he reprimanded. “Come. If your stomach can handle it, we’ll eat a proper lunch. I haven’t had a chance to eat since breakfast either.”</p><p>“I’m not hungry,” Rose argued, but she let him guide her into the house.</p><p>“Another piece of toast then?” he suggested. “You need something in your stomach.”</p><p>He held her by the shoulders and marched her into their kitchen. He let go of her long enough to pull out the kitchen chair for her. When she was safely seated, he moved to their pantry.</p><p>“Toast and something else? Oatmeal? Fruit? Eggs?”</p><p>“Er, just toast,” Rose said. Everything else he suggested made her stomach roll.</p><p>“Two pieces then,” he said. “Do you mind if I eat?”</p><p>“Nothing too smelly, please.”</p><p>“A great big tuna, pickle, and sardine sandwich coming right up then,” he said with a wink.</p><p>Rose rolled her eyes at her daft husband as he moved about the kitchen, starting the kettle and her toast.</p><p>“I was going to head home, unless you’d rather I stay?”</p><p>Rose jumped as Robert touched her shoulder. He was holding her purse and the stack of papers Elizabeth had given her.</p><p>“Thanks. No, it’s all right. You can go home. Thanks for everything, Dad.”</p><p>“You are very welcome.” He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “Feel better, darling.”</p><p>James was looking at them curiously as he assembled a turkey, cheese, and crisps sandwich. But he didn’t say anything, and instead continued making their threadbare meal.</p><p>Five minutes later, after the kettle had beeped and her tea had steeped, he juggled a plate and two mugs in his hands as he joined her at the table, sitting beside her rather than across from her. While she definitely did not want to eat, she knew she ought to try, lest she get lightheaded. She nibbled at her toast while he crunched on his sandwich; apart from the sounds of their chewing, they sat in silence for many long seconds, the time ticking out before them. Rose wasn’t sure how to broach the conversation; she’d been counting on him to ask questions to kickstart it all back up again.</p><p>“This is really good,” she said mindlessly, jutting her chin to the steaming cup cradled in her hands.</p><p>“Thanks,” he said. “How are you feeling?”</p><p>“I’m okay,” she said. “Been nauseated and cramping all day.”</p><p>He nodded, his head bobbing for far too long before he blurted, “And bleeding, evidently. What does that mean, bleeding? Like… spotting? A drop of blood? Bit more than that?”</p><p>Rose bit her lip. “Heavy enough that I put a pad on.”</p><p>He paled. “That… that’s a lot… You shouldn’t be bleeding at all while pregnant.”</p><p>“We’re fine,” she repeated patiently. “Remember. Look.” She pulled the stack of papers toward them; the glossy sonogram photograph was right on top. “Look at our beautiful little baby.”</p><p>His hands trembled as he took the photo from her. She scooted her chair closer to him until her thigh pressed into his. She used her pinkie finger to trace the little white blob of their child.</p><p>“There they are.”</p><p>“They?” His voice was choked. “T-two? <em>Twins</em>?”</p><p>“No, sorry, just one,” Rose said. “I didn’t want to call them an ‘it’. Sorry, love.” He exhaled raggedly, his attention still on the sonogram. “Told you they looked like a gummy bear.”</p><p>He chuckled. “Yeah. Yeah, I suppose they do.”</p><p>“Oh, and I’ve got a surprise.” She fished into her purse for her mobile and pulled up the video of the sonogram scan. As soon as she hit play, the rapid sounds of their baby’s heart snapped his attention to her phone.</p><p>“That’s… that’s… their heart. That’s the heart.”</p><p>“Mhm,” Rose said, resting her cheek on his shoulder as she listened to the beautiful beats over and over. She thought she could listen to it forever. Her children’s heartbeat was her favorite sound in the whole world. She loved holding her daughters close enough to feel that firm, steady beat beneath their chest.</p><p>“Our baby has a heart,” he whispered, staring at Rose in awe.</p><p>“I should hope so,” she said, knocking her knee into his. “Oh, watch this.”</p><p>She backed the video up a few seconds, then pointed to the screen. Their baby was twisting and rolling, flexing their little arms and legs.</p><p>“They… they can <em>move</em>,” James breathed. “Could you feel them? Inside?”</p><p>“Not yet,” Rose admitted. “It’s a bit early for that. I’m only nine weeks pregnant.”</p><p>“So… the bleeding. Is everything okay? Are you okay?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Rose said, rifling through the papers until she got to the labeled ultrasound image. “Here.”</p><p>“Oh, well this is helpful,” James said. “Why can’t they label all the ultrasounds like this?”</p><p>“Aesthetics,” she teased.</p><p>He stuck his tongue out at her, but the mirth disappeared from his face when his eyes locked on a section of the ultrasound.</p><p>“Hemorrhage. A hemorrhage? You’ve got a hemorrhage?!”</p><p>“James, breathe…”</p><p>“Don’t tell me to bloody breathe! You’ve got a bloody hemorrhage! You’re bleeding internally! What does this mean? How serious is this?”</p><p>“James,” she said firmly, covering his shaking hands. “James, look at me.”</p><p>His eyes were wide and panic-stricken as they landed on hers. She cradled his face in her palms; his cheeks were cold and clammy. She stroked them with her thumbs.</p><p>“I am okay,” she said slowly. “Do you hear me? I am fine.”</p><p>“A <em>hemorrhage</em>,” he rasped, voice breaking.</p><p>“I know,” she said gently. “And I know that sounds scary. But I’m fine. Do you trust me?”</p><p>“Always.”</p><p>“Then listen to me and trust me: I’m okay. The baby is okay. We’re both okay.”</p><p>She leaned forward and pecked a soft kiss to his lips, then she sat back to explain everything that Elizabeth had told her. The longer she spoke, the more she saw James’s anxiety abating. He remained tense and jittery, but the raw panic in his eyes had muted.</p><p>He blew out a shaky breath when she’d finished speaking. “How did this happen?”</p><p>“Dunno. Apparently it’s something that happens sometimes.”</p><p>“When is your next appointment?” James asked, snatching his phone from the table. She told him, and watched him input the date and time into his calendar. “I should be free… I don’t teach at that time.”</p><p>“I know. I tried to find a time in your schedule where you might be available to go to the appointment with me.”</p><p>He pressed a thankful kiss to her forehead, then let his lips linger there as he leaned into her. “I’m so sorry that you couldn’t reach me today. I am <em>so</em> sorry.”</p><p>Rose shrugged and carded her fingers through the hair on the back of his head. “Dad was able to come with me.”</p><p>“But <em>I</em> should have been there. I should have been there with you. I’m sorry, Rose. I’m so sorry.”</p><p>Rose was alarmed to hear his voice crack. She shifted out of her chair to perch in his lap instead. He wound his arms tightly around her waist and buried his face into her neck. His breathing was ragged as he held her desperately to him.</p><p>“I’m okay, love. I’m okay,” she murmured over and over again. “I love you. I love you so much.”</p><p>“What if the baby…”</p><p>“Don’t,” she interrupted gently. “Just… don’t. Please. Our baby is fine. They’re moving and they have a heartbeat and they are safe and healthy.”</p><p>“But…”</p><p>“<em>James</em>,” she begged, “please. Don’t. I’ve been panicking about losing our baby all morning and I can’t… I just <em>can’t</em>. Do you know how sick I felt, thinking that I had lost our baby and that I would have to tell you that I lost our baby? So please. I really, <em>really</em> don’t want to think about that anymore.”</p><p>He was silent for a few seconds before he nodded into her neck. “Sorry. One last thing, because I can’t bear the thought of you not knowing… it wouldn’t have been your fault. If anything had happened… it wouldn’t have been your fault.”</p><p>“James,” she said sharply.</p><p>“I’m done now. Promise. Let’s sit like this for a while, yeah?”</p><p>“Well, unless you’d like me to wee on you, I’d better visit the toilet before we keep cuddling. And d’you think we can lie down in bed? I didn’t sleep much last night, and this morning sapped the rest of my energy. Oh, bugger. The sheets are in the dryer.”</p><p>He pressed a kiss to her neck and dropped his arms from around her. “I’ll make the bed. You go wee.”</p><p>Rose slid lightly off his lap and padded down the hall to their bedroom and bathroom. Despite already knowing she was bleeding, it didn’t make it any easier to see the evidence. She was torn between closing her eyes and pretending it wasn’t happening, and cataloguing every minute detail of it so that she could track any changes, for better or worse.</p><p>James was in the middle of wrestling with the fitted sheet by the time she emerged from the toilet. After hurriedly washing her hands, she came to his aid and helped him stretch it across their mattress. Together they made the bed, shucked off their trousers, and crawled beneath the fresh sheets.</p><p>James lay on his back, arm outstretched for her, and she willingly tucked herself into his side. Resting her head in the crook of his shoulder, Rose draped her leg across his and wrapped her arm around his middle, thoroughly anchoring herself to her husband.</p><p>“You feel so good,” she mumbled, her eyes going heavy. “You smell good too.”</p><p>“I aim to please,” he said, curling his arm around her shoulders. “I can’t believe I didn’t ask… is there anything Elizabeth told you to do for your hemorrhage?”</p><p>“Rest and relaxation mostly,” Rose said.</p><p>“Bed rest?” he asked, alarmed.</p><p>“No, no. But nothing strenuous beyond the normal workload of caring for the kids.” Rose grimaced to herself and said, “And no sex for a few weeks. Sorry.”</p><p>James snorted. “If we have to abstain for this entire pregnancy, it will be worth it. I will do anything to ensure we get to hold our baby at the end of May.”</p><p>Rose nuzzled closer to him, tucking her nose into his neck and breathing in his scent. “Me too.”</p><p>“D’you think we’ve got a boy or a girl cooking in there?” he mused, trailing his fingertips slowly through her hair.</p><p>Her scalp tingled pleasantly beneath his touch and her mind went blissfully blank, making it difficult to reply to him.</p><p>“Do you think my little swimmers finally made a boy?” he asked. “I think they did it this time.”</p><p>Rose snorted. “I’m starting to think you haven’t got a single Y-chromosome swimmin’ around down there.”</p><p>“Excuse <em>you</em>!” he squawked, his voice going high and squeaky.</p><p>She laughed and squeezed her arm around his middle. “M’teasin’. I dunno what we’ve got, and I don’t particularly care. I want a healthy, happy child.”</p><p>“Yeah, me too. Obviously. Still. It’s fun to think about.”</p><p>“You gonna yap all afternoon or let me sleep?” she mumbled. “We’ve only got a few hours ‘til the kids are done with school. What’re we gonna tell ‘em, anyway?”</p><p>“Let me worry about that. I’ll say you have the stomach flu or something. Sleep, love. I’ll be here until I go collect the kids.”</p><p>“Love you,” she grunted, pressing closer to his warm body.</p><p>James reached down and pulled their blankets closer, tucking them around her shoulders. He kissed her forehead and whispered, “I love you, too,” but Rose was already asleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As always, I would love to know what you thought of the chapter 💜</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ainsley finds out about the pregnancy.</p>
<p>Chapter Word Count: ~ 8300</p>
<p>Chapter Rating: Explicit</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the start of the chapter:<br/>James: 39<br/>Rose: 34<br/>Ainsley: 9<br/>Sianin: 6<br/>Twins: 7.5 months</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>James lay in bed with Rose all afternoon. Her sleep was restless, despite how exhausted she was. Any time she stirred, he stroked her hair to try to soothe her back to sleep. His mind was racing too quickly and loudly for him to nap alongside her, but he forced himself to be calm and unmoving so she could get the rest she desperately needed.</p>
<p><em>Subchorionic</em><em> hemorrhage</em>. His soulmate was bleeding internally, so close to where their new child was growing. James could already feel his heart rate increasing, could feel a cold sweat starting to bead across his forehead, beneath his arms, and at the small of his back.</p>
<p><em>No</em>. He was here for Rose. He was here to hold her and cuddle her while she napped. He was not here to panic about things he couldn’t change, or to catastrophize about things that only had a snowball’s chance in hell of actually happening. Nope. No sir. He was going to be here for Rose, a solid, comforting presence for her now since he hadn’t been there for her when she’d needed him earlier.</p>
<p>With <em>that</em> guilt now swimming around in his head, James simply pulled his wife closer to him and nuzzled his nose into her hair. It smelled a little oily—she clearly hadn’t showered that morning—and like the antiseptic of a doctor’s office. But beneath that was the unique scent of <em>Rose</em>, of home and family and love. James breathed her in and pushed all other thoughts out of his mind.</p>
<p>An hour and a half later, James slowly extricated himself from Rose’s embrace. She moaned and reached towards him; it was nearly enough to make him call his father and ask him to pick up the kids. But his dad had already done so much for them that day. So James leaned down and kissed Rose on the forehead and tucked the blankets around her shoulders. She blinked blearily up at him, dazed.</p>
<p>“I’m going to collect the girls,” he whispered, brushing her hair away from her face. “I’ll be back.”</p>
<p>She mumbled something, then let out a sigh and closed her eyes again. James slipped on his discarded jeans, then made his way silently out of their bedroom, shutting the door behind him.</p>
<p>He grabbed his phone and called William’s mothers, arranging with them that he would pick William and his little brother Dylan up from the school, and to drop them off when he came ‘round to collect the twins.</p>
<p>“Makes more sense than either of you driving to the school. Especially since you babysat all day. How were they?”</p>
<p>“Precious angels,” Chloe cooed, and James grinned as he heard one of his babies chattering in the background. “How’s Rose?”</p>
<p>James let out a low breath. “Not well. Very bad stomach flu.”</p>
<p>“Oh no! Do you need us to watch the twins again tomorrow? Or keep Ainsley and Sianin so they don’t get sick?”</p>
<p>“Nah, it should be all right,” James answered. “Rose is holed up in our room for the evening, and I’ll keep the kids away from her. I’m going to take off work for the rest of the week to be home with her and the twins. But thank you. I appreciate the offer.”</p>
<p>James ended the conversation shortly thereafter, then he made a quick call to his boss to fill her in on Rose’s illness. However, he was more truthful than he was with Chloe.</p>
<p>“Rose and I are expecting another child,” he admitted, ignoring the stunned silence on the other end of the line. “But a complication has arisen. Rose isn’t on bed rest, but she does need <em>rest</em>. I need to take the remainder of the week off to help her and to watch my children.”</p>
<p>It was then that James had the dawning realization that he would need to have a discussion with his boss about leaving the university. Which meant he and Rose needed to settle on a moving date for Scotland so he had a clearer picture of when he would have to tender his resignation.</p>
<p>But now was not the time for that conversation. Instead, he accepted the—somewhat stiff and surprised—congratulations, as well as the sympathies and well wishes for Rose to make a speedy recovery.</p>
<p>With that taken care of, James got into his car to collect the children.</p>
<p>When the two Conway boys were home with their mothers and all four of his own kids were safely in his vehicle, James began to prepare the girls for Rose’s temporary ailment.</p>
<p>“Your mum is not feeling well. She has a pretty serious stomach flu. She needs to take it easy for a while, which means I’m going to need you two to be big helpers and chip in with the housework. And I need you on your best behavior; we don’t want to overwhelm her or make her stressed.”</p>
<p>Ainsley and Sianin nodded solemnly, and James prayed Sianin would actually take this seriously and help with whatever he and Rose needed.</p>
<p>A surprise waited for them at the house when they pulled up several minutes later.</p>
<p>“Grandad’s here!” Sianin chirped, bouncing in her seat.</p>
<p><em>Why was his father here?</em> James’s chest tightened and he frantically pushed up his sleeves—no messages—then checked his phone. No texts or missed calls waited for him, and he let out a small, relieved breath. He didn’t know what he would have done if he’d missed a second emergency.</p>
<p>The elder kids were proficient by now in unbuckling themselves from their car seats—James couldn’t wait for the day Ainsley didn’t need to use a booster seat anymore—and so they were bounding to the house with their school bags in tow by the time James moved to get the twins out of their seats.</p>
<p>“It won’t be too much longer before you two will be toddling along after your sisters,” James told them as he fumbled with the snaps and straps. “It’ll be nice when you two can walk. Daddy loves you so very much, and he loves holding you more than anything, but holding both of you at once is getting a <em>little</em> tiresome on his arms. Maybe that means I need to hit the gym more often. Well. <em>At all</em>. I’m sure your mummy would appreciate that, not that it’s any of your concern.”</p>
<p>As usual, his twins beamed at him as he jabbered nonsense at them, prompting him to continue oversharing.</p>
<p>“Your mum and I want to keep this a secret, but I think the secret is safe with you. Mummy’s pregnant. A new little baby is growing in her belly, and next spring, you two will get promoted to big sister. Now, this new baby is <em>not</em> replacing you. Nothing could ever replace you. Your mummy and I are so in love with you. But things will be a little bit different. Mummy and I promise to do our best with juggling a new baby with the two of you, not to mention your older sisters. It’ll be tough, but your mummy is the strongest woman and best mother on the planet, so I know we’ll be able to do it.”</p>
<p>James settled each baby onto opposite hips and proceeded to walk them into the house, wrapping up the new baby talk so his eldest children wouldn’t hear.</p>
<p>“Remember,” he said, brushing a kiss to Hannah’s then Maddie’s forehead, “that’s our little secret.”</p>
<p>He could hear his father and daughters in the kitchen, chatting excitedly, as he kicked his shoes off by the door. A moment later, Rose was by his side, looking pale and tired, but grinning.</p>
<p>“Hello sweetheart,” she cooed to Hannah, who had her arms outstretched to Rose.</p>
<p>“No heavy lifting,” James said, pivoting away from Rose, who had reached out to take the baby from him.</p>
<p>Her eyes flashed. “If you don’t hand me my child right now, you’re on the couch tonight.”</p>
<p>Never mind the fact that he could count on one hand the number of times either of them had slept on the sofa in all of their long years of being together.</p>
<p>But he still hesitated. “Can’t you sit down first? Then I’ll put them in your lap. I promise. It would make me feel a lot better if you were sitting, though. Please? For me? Give me this peace of mind, love.”</p>
<p>Her expression softened, and she nodded. She leaned up and pecked a kiss to the corner of his mouth, then to the twins’ cheeks. Hannah screeched and reached towards her mother, leaning out of James’s arms.</p>
<p>“We’re going, we’re going,” James said, hastily following his wife as he struggled to keep a grip on his furious infant. “Patience, my darling. Patience.”</p>
<p>When Rose was safely on the sofa, he handed Hannah to her, then he plopped down beside her with Maddie. The twins squealed and jabbered in dissonant tones, seemingly talking over each other as Maddie leaned out of his arms and towards her mother. James dutifully placed her into Rose’s lap beside her sister.</p>
<p>“Hello my Hannah. Hello my Maddie. Are you tellin’ Mummy all about your day with Ms. Chloe and Ms. Laura and little Louisa? Yeah, you’re not used to being away from Mummy all day, are you? Well I missed you very much too.”</p>
<p>Rose spoke with the babies until Hannah grew impatient and began squirming and fussing. James took her and plopped her onto the floor. Maddie leaned over to look at her twin, and so James lowered her to the floor as well.</p>
<p>With the twins content, Rose glanced towards the kitchen, where Robert continued to enthusiastically chat with Ainsley and Sianin about their school day amidst the sounds of dinner preparations.</p>
<p>“Elizabeth said no heavy lifting beyond that of normal childcare,” Rose murmured in an undertone. “I love you, I do, but you can’t not let me care for my children. I promise I won’t pick up Ainsley or Sianin—not that I really do that anymore—but I <em>need</em> to be able to pick up and hold Hannah and Maddie. You need to let me do that.”</p>
<p>James sighed. “I’ll try.”</p>
<p>“Ainsley is going to notice immediately that something is wrong if you keep swanning in to pick up the babies, or if you keep me from taking them when they ask for me.”</p>
<p>“Oh, by the way, I told the girls you’ve got the stomach flu. So, you know, try to act ill and…” He flapped his hand vaguely towards her, his brain struggling with words. “…stomach flu-y. Also, when did Dad get here? A bit of warning would’ve been nice. I pulled up to the house and saw his car and panicked that I’d missed you trying to reach me again.”</p>
<p>Rose’s face fell. “I’m sorry, love. I didn’t even think of that. He came by maybe a half hour ago? He called shortly after you left, asking if we needed help picking up the kids. When he heard you’d got them, he wanted to know if he could come by to help with dinner.”</p>
<p>A hard knot lodged in his stomach. His father had gone with Rose to her emergency OBGYN appointment, and now he was here to cook dinner?</p>
<p>“Stop that.”</p>
<p>James looked over at his wife, surprised. She scooted closer to him and wrapped her arm around his waist, nestling her cheek against his shoulder.</p>
<p>“He <em>wants</em> to be here. He <em>wants</em> to help.”</p>
<p>He exhaled raggedly and nuzzled his cheek into her hair. “I feel useless.”</p>
<p>“Imagine how I feel. I can hardly stand for more than a few minutes at a time without getting dizzy. I tried seasoning some chicken for dinner and the smell made me vomit. I dunno how I’m gonna cope when dinner’s actually in the oven.”</p>
<p>James gave her waist a squeeze and kissed her temple. “Would you like to hide away in our room while dinner cooks?”</p>
<p>“No, I wanna be with my family. But I feel like a lazy bum. I’m a stay-at-home mum so I can do the cleaning and the cooking while you’re at work. And now I can’t do that for the next few weeks. What’s the point of me?”</p>
<p>James’s chest cracked open. “Rose, you are an integral part of our family, no matter what. So what if you have to be a lazy bum for the next few weeks? Your importance isn’t tied to your level of productivity, but if you’d like to think of it in terms of that, you are growing <em>an entire human being</em> in your uterus. You have the painstaking task of nurturing our fifth child. That absolves you from any current or future laziness.</p>
<p>“And if you want me to be perfectly honest, it breaks my heart that I can’t do a damn thing to help make any of our children. All that was primarily down to you. Yes, I know my half of the genetic contribution was rather important, but, really, all I did was make beautiful, pleasurable love with my wife. I did <em>nothing</em> else. Your body took my DNA and mixed it with yours and started the process of making a baby. You and your body are so brilliant, providing a safe space for our babies to thrive while they grow to maturity. And if that weren’t enough, <em>then</em> you had to give birth to them. I am… I’m <em>in awe</em> of you, Rose. I feel like there is nothing I could do that would make up for everything you have done for our family. Our children are the most important things in my life, and I will never be able to thank you enough for bringing life to our daughters.”</p>
<p>James knew he was rambling, but he couldn’t make himself stop. The sound of Rose sniffling is what finally stayed his tongue, and he snapped his mouth shut with a click, dismayed at the sight of her tears.</p>
<p>“No pressure or anything,” she whispered, brushing her fingers across her eyes.</p>
<p>His stomach plummeted. “Oh, Rose. No. I didn’t mean…”</p>
<p>She simply tucked her face into his neck before admitting, “I’m still so scared something’s gonna happen to this baby. Everything in my body is screaming at me to go to Elizabeth every day for the rest of my pregnancy for another ultrasound to be sure that the clot hasn’t moved, or grown. To make sure our baby is safe and alive in there.”</p>
<p>James turned his head and kissed the top of her head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel worse. I was trying to do the exact opposite.”</p>
<p>“I know,” she mumbled. “This just… <em>sucks</em>.”</p>
<p>He snorted, though the sound held no humor. “Yeah. It does. But we’ll get through this. Eh? ‘Cos you and me, we’re the best team on this planet.”</p>
<p>oOoOo</p>
<p>The next few days passed mercifully uneventfully. James awoke at his normal time to get the kids ready for school, then he would return home to help care for the twins and to make sure Rose was resting as often as she could. It was no trouble to keep her in bed or on the couch for those first few days, since she was exhausted, miserable, and nauseated.</p>
<p>They would pass the day lazily together, with James catering to her every whim and preparing the blandest of foods in the hopes that her finicky stomach would keep something down. Between playing with the twins, they would turn on a film together or sit side by side, doing their own thing. Rose took the opportunity to draw on her tablet, making hasty sketches of the family or characters in a book Ainsley was reading.</p>
<p>Their eldest children helped out with the chores that had gone neglected throughout the course of the day, and would often help James with the dishes or the laundry. They complained infrequently, to his relief, and neither of them seemed to catch on that their mother’s “illness” wasn’t what it seemed. However, with Ainsley’s keen eye for observation, James wasn’t sure how much longer he and Rose could keep up the charade.</p>
<p>By the time the weekend hit, James noticed a significant improvement in Rose’s temperament. On Sunday morning, she woke him up with a series of gentle kisses that grew more heated as he became aware enough to reciprocate. He groaned into her mouth and unthinkingly pulled her body into his, grinding his morning erection into her hip.</p>
<p>When he remembered himself and Rose’s condition, he eased them out of the kiss, ignoring her whimper of protest.</p>
<p>“I will gladly wake up to my beautiful wife snogging me,” he said, breathless, “but what was all that about?”</p>
<p>“I’m spotting,” Rose said, beaming. “I’m not <em>bleeding</em> anymore, just really lightly spotting!”</p>
<p>It took James’s groggy brain a moment to catch up, but when he did, he whooped far louder than he probably should have for it being six-thirty on a Sunday morning.</p>
<p>He wrapped his arms around her, ignoring her kiss, and instead simply <em>held</em> her. He’d nearly called Rose’s midwife in a panic when she had admitted that her bleeding was almost like one of her heavier period days, but without any of the usual clots. Over the course of the week, however, her bleeding had grown lighter. Now, it seemed, it was nearly finished. The worst was over, and he could have wept with relief.</p>
<p>“How are you feeling?” he asked, voice muffled by her shoulder.</p>
<p>“I feel fine,” she said, stroking his hair. “As I have since Friday.”</p>
<p>Her overwhelming nausea and cramping had dissipated by the end of the week. That didn’t stop him from suggesting she rest as often as possible, but it was a huge weight off their shoulders that the obvious symptoms of a pregnancy complication were mostly gone. </p>
<p>Rose threaded her fingers through his hair and guided his head away from her shoulder to kiss him soundly. Pleasure sparked beneath his lips, flooding his veins and reigniting the dull throb between his legs. He’d have to take care of that in the shower whenever Rose let him leave their bed.</p>
<p>She didn’t seem inclined to stop, though, as she scratched her nails down his back in long, jagged lines that he could acutely feel even through the fabric of his shirt. Shuddering, James couldn’t help but arch his hips into her, giving himself a taste of the friction he craved.</p>
<p>She hummed and reached between them, palming his erection.</p>
<p>“S-sorry.” The word died on a moan when she wrapped her fingers around him through the fabric of his boxers and gave him a slow stroke.</p>
<p>“I’m not,” she murmured, chasing his lips once more. She pushed him flat on his back, then draped one of her legs across his while she attached her mouth to the side of his neck, sucking and nipping gently.</p>
<p>He cursed when she scraped her teeth across his earlobe, breathing, “Let me do this for you.”</p>
<p>Who was he to decline such an offer? Pushing down his discomfort at this selfish pleasure, James melted into the mattress and let Rose do whatever she wanted. Her hands and mouth were everywhere, caressing and kissing any inch of skin she could reach. She shoved his shirt up his torso to lave her tongue across the planes of his chest and stomach. His muscles jumped beneath her mouth, and he could feel her grinning into his skin.</p>
<p>She licked a broad line up his happy trail, then blew across it, making him shudder violently.</p>
<p>“Can I just say, I <em>love</em> that you react like this to me,” Rose said, turning her head to beam at him. “Sixteen years, we’ve been shagging, and yet you react as though this is the first time we’ve done this.”</p>
<p>“Hopefully my stamina is better than when we were first starting out,” he said, arching his hips into her touch. She was still stroking him through the fabric of his boxers, and he was impatient for her to touch him properly. </p>
<p>“It was pretty good back then, too,” Rose argued.</p>
<p>James snorted. “I nearly came on the spot when I slid into you for the first time. Don’t you remember?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but you didn’t,” she said sweetly, giving him a firm <em>squeeze</em> on the next upstroke. “You’ve always been a great lover.”</p>
<p>Pride unfurled through his chest but before he could give a haughty reply, Rose stuck her hand down the front of his boxers.</p>
<p>“<em>Shit</em>,” he squeaked.</p>
<p>Rose laughed lightly and splayed her palm over his erection as she worked the elastic waistband of his boxers down his hips just far enough to give her room to work.</p>
<p>“Hand or mouth?” she asked, even as she kissed her way down his body because she knew what he would say.</p>
<p>“Mouth. Please.”</p>
<p>“Your wish is my command,” she said, winking.</p>
<p>James adored his children—absolutely <em>adored </em>them and would never wish them out of his life—but he couldn’t deny he missed the days when he and Rose could spend hours in bed together, lazily worshiping each other as though they had all the time in the world. But with infant twins and a daughter who was a naturally early-riser, there was little opportunity for them to take their time.</p>
<p>And so James wasn’t at all surprised when Rose slotted her mouth over him, working him with intense focus and precision, using all of their sixteen years of experience to make it quick but good for him. She knew exactly where to drum her tongue, exactly how much speed and pressure to use, exactly how to pump her hand in a counter rhythm.</p>
<p>He lost himself in his pleasure, in her touch, and gritted out a garbled warning that she ignored before he released helplessly into her mouth. She expertly worked him through it, prolonging the delicious aftershocks that left him panting and trembling.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” he rasped, rubbing his hands across his face as Rose brushed a line of kisses up his torso.</p>
<p>She settled beside him and caught his lips in a gentle kiss. “Any time.”</p>
<p>He kissed her back deeply, hungrily, drunk on the endorphins raging through his body. The hormones were working almost too well, making him fall in love with Rose in that all-consuming way that was borderline overwhelming. His chest was tight with how much he loved her.</p>
<p>“Let’s stay here together all day,” he suggested, only half-joking.</p>
<p>“I’m sure <em>that’ll</em> go over well,” Rose snorted, but her eyes were soft as she brushed his hair away from his face. “I wish we could, love. I really do.”</p>
<p>“Want to share a shower instead?”</p>
<p>She beamed. “Always.”</p>
<p>Loath was he to move, but he knew their babies would be waking up any moment and they ought to take the opportunity to shower while nobody was demanding their attention. But he wished they could stay in bed longer. He had gotten spoiled over the last week with having Rose mostly all to himself while their elder two children were in school.</p>
<p>James dragged himself out of bed, stripping out of his pajamas and moving to use the loo while Rose started the shower. Soon, their bathroom was filled with steam, and he groaned when he stepped under the hot water.</p>
<p>Their shower was purely functional, with them working around each other in efficient movements to lather their body with soap and their hair with shampoo. It was one of the quickest shared showers James had ever indulged in, and he lamented that they couldn’t spend longer beneath the relaxing spray.</p>
<p>The house was miraculously quiet when they emerged from the shower. They hurriedly dried themselves and retreated back to their bedroom to get dressed.</p>
<p>“Hang on.”</p>
<p>James poked his head through his jumper and turned to look at his wife. She stood sideways before their floor-length mirror, clad only in a bra and fuzzy pajama bottoms.</p>
<p>“Do you see anything?” she asked, poking her lower belly.</p>
<p>James blinked, unsure of what he was supposed to be seeing. He bought himself some time by coming to stand behind her and plant a kiss to her shoulder. “I see my beautiful wife.”</p>
<p>“Flatterer. But seriously. I can’t possibly be showing yet, can I?” Rose puffed her stomach out, then sucked it back in again before letting it rest naturally. </p>
<p>Maybe, if he stared hard enough, <em>maybe</em> there was a subtle swell beginning to form. Either way, he grinned and giggled, giddy with the high of knowing his fifth child was cradled in Rose’s womb.</p>
<p>He placed a hand on her abdomen and caressed it gently; it was beginning to get firm. He couldn’t wait until they could feel their baby moving. He couldn’t wait to feel the jut of a foot or an elbow, all of it undeniable proof that he was going to be a daddy again.</p>
<p>“I love you,” he said, both to Rose and his newest child.</p>
<p>“I’m not even ten weeks yet,” Rose whined. “I’m going to be a <em>whale</em> come May!”</p>
<p>“You’re <em>pregnant</em>?!”</p>
<p>James’s stomach hollowed out as he looked to the door that he hadn’t heard open. Ainsley stood there, her eyes wide and shining with accusation. He stepped away from Rose, ears burning in embarrassment.</p>
<p>“Darling, you shouldn’t barge into our room like this…”</p>
<p>“We didn’t mean for you to find out this way,” Rose said, speaking over him.</p>
<p>Heedless of the fact that she didn’t have a shirt, Rose stepped forward towards their pale-faced nine-year-old. Ainsley wrinkled her nose and held her hand up, halting Rose’s movements. James’s chest caved as he watched tears brim in Ainsley’s eyes. Everything in his body screamed at him to fold her into his arms, to hug her and kiss her and comfort her.</p>
<p>“You’re pregnant,” she said again, her voice nearly inaudible. Ainsley glared between the two of them, her gaze finally landing on her mother. “You never actually had a stomach flu, did you? You <em>lied</em> to us! All week, you’ve been lying to us!”</p>
<p>“We weren’t ready to tell you,” Rose said calmly. “Your dad and I wanted to wait until the first trimester had ended.”</p>
<p>“You said you weren’t trying for another baby,” Ainsley accused. “After the twins were born, you said… Or was that another lie?”</p>
<p>“We didn’t try to get pregnant,” Rose answered.</p>
<p>“So it was an accident?” Ainsley replied, her tone scathing. James’s hackles raised, his blood heating, but Ainsley barreled on. “Right. I’m supposed to believe that even though you told me you tried for <em>years</em> to get pregnant with Hannah and Maddie? Years, but now all of a sudden you’re accidentally pregnant again seven months later? Right. Makes sense.”</p>
<p>Rose sucked in a sharp breath, her shoulders curving inward. James’s stomach plummeted, and he rested a hand on her lower back, rubbing soothingly. The agony of their fertility struggles was a raw wound for them, even now, even after the joy of the twins and the joy of this new baby.</p>
<p>“Ainsley, that’s a very rude and hurtful thing for you to say,” he said, his tone sharp. “Apologize.”</p>
<p>Their eldest simply folded her arms across her chest and stared defiantly up at him, looking for all the world like the teenager she would be in a few short years. He gritted his teeth to keep from snapping at her.</p>
<p>“Apologize <em>now</em>,” he repeated. “If you want to talk to us about how this makes you feel, we will discuss it <em>civilly</em> and without hurting anyone’s feelings.</p>
<p>“And what if <em>my</em> feelings are already hurt?” she shot back, her angry bravado cracking along with her voice. She sniffed hard and sucked her upper lip into her mouth, biting down so hard that James worried she would break skin.</p>
<p>“Why are your feelings hurt, love?” Rose asked gently.</p>
<p>Tears blossomed in her eyes a fraction before her face crumpled and she let out a little sob. Rose rushed forward, and this time, Ainsley didn’t pull away when she folded their daughter into an embrace. Ainsley clung to her mother, her face buried in Rose’s neck as loud, wet sobs wracked her body. James came up beside them and gathered them both into his arms, squeezing tightly.</p>
<p>“Breath, Ainsley,” Rose murmured. “Breathe, baby.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” she hiccupped, gasping for breath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said.”</p>
<p>“I know.” Rose stroked their daughter’s back slowly. “I know you didn’t. I forgive you, sweetheart.”</p>
<p>“Why are you pregnant again?” she whimpered.</p>
<p>“We didn’t mean for it to happen,” Rose repeated. “We were just as surprised as you are.”</p>
<p>“Why are you so upset, darling?” James asked. As far as he knew, Ainsley loved being a big sister.</p>
<p>“It’s stupid,” she said, sniffing against her clogged nose.</p>
<p>“If it has upset you this much, it’s not stupid,” he assured.</p>
<p>“It’s like… you’re starting this, this <em>second family</em>. Sianin and I were the first round but now you’re moving on and trying again and…”</p>
<p>“No,” James growled, squeezing her tightly as his heart broke into a million pieces. “Ainsley, <em>no</em>. We’re not moving on from you and Sianin. Nor are we replacing you.”</p>
<p>“And I<em> know</em> that,” Ainsley moaned miserably. “Really, I do. But already I have to fight for your attention, and now I’ll have to fight for it even more. And I know I shouldn’t need you as much since I’m the oldest, but… you were mine first. And I know that’s stupid and selfish and I hate myself for it…”</p>
<p>“Don’t say that,” Rose interrupted fiercely. “<em>Never</em> hate yourself for anything, but especially not for how you feel. Your emotions are always valid, no matter how ridiculous you think they may be.”</p>
<p>“It’s not fair,” Ainsley whispered. “You have four kids—well, soon to be five—but I only have one mum and one dad. It’s like… you’re wholly mine, but I’m not wholly yours.”</p>
<p>“Of course you are,” James protested. He squirmed when Rose pinched his side.</p>
<p>“I’m very sorry you feel this way, Ainsley,” Rose said, planting nuzzling kisses into their daughter’s hair. “I’m so, so sorry. I love you very much. As does your dad. You are so important to us, and so important to this family. We could never move on from you because there would be a giant, unfillable, Ainsley-sized hole if you were gone from our lives. I’m so thankful that you are my daughter. You are loved more deeply than you could ever imagine, and I hope you will always know that.”</p>
<p>Ainsley choked on another sob and rasped, “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>James tilted his face down to kiss the top of her head. Upon hearing how runny Ainsley’s nose was, he dropped his arms from around his wife and child and instead turned to grab a handful of tissues from the box on Rose’s nightstand. He was glad he’d grabbed several, because Rose was just as weepy as Ainsley. Her eyes were red and watery as she thanked him with a small smile and blew her nose.</p>
<p>“D’you know what I think?” James asked, intentionally pitching his voice to be light and playful. “I think it’s a perfect morning to have some hot cocoa and a couch cuddle. And we can keep talking there, eh?”</p>
<p>Ainsley flashed him a fragile smile. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and guided her out of the bedroom.</p>
<p>“I’ll catch up in a few minutes,” Rose promised. “I’m gonna finish getting dressed then check on the twins.”</p>
<p>James gave her a salute before following his daughter to the kitchen. He got to work on his coffee, Ainsley’s hot chocolate, and Rose’s tea while Ainsley boosted herself up onto the counter and watched.</p>
<p>“I really am sorry,” she said quietly, kicking her heels gently into the cabinet. “I’m sorry I made light of yours and Mum’s hurt b’cos it took so long to get pregnant with Hannah and Maddie.”</p>
<p>James glanced over. “Did Mum tell you…?”</p>
<p>He let the sentence dangle, unsure of exactly what he was asking. Luckily, Ainsley spared him. “She told me you’d been trying for a few years to get pregnant without luck. And that it had made you both very sad. I’m really sorry, Daddy. For then, and for now.”</p>
<p>“Thank you. I forgive you.”</p>
<p>Ainsley gave him a small but genuine smile, one that he returned.</p>
<p>“I dunno why I freaked out like I did,” Ainsley admitted, her cheeks pink. “I’m so embarrassed.”</p>
<p>James glanced at his daughter. He knew, or suspected, rather. Nibbling on his bottom lip for a few brief seconds, he said, “Y’know, I was about your age when my mum and dad told me we were moving to America. I “<em>freaked out</em>”, as you put it, on them. I ran away from them down to the lake—you remember the lake beyond the manor?—and I sobbed. Looking back, that was a very dramatic reaction. But at the time, I was quite distraught. It’s very normal to show an intense emotion when you’re feeling an intense feeling.”</p>
<p>“Well, sure, but I genuinely love my family,” Ainsley said, shrugging. “I love you and mum. I love my sisters. And I know I’ll fall in love with the new baby.”</p>
<p>“Doesn’t mean you can’t be frustrated about it though,” James said. “I adore my family too, but there are days when you lot drive me absolutely <em>bonkers</em>. That doesn’t take away from how much I love you, though. It isn’t healthy to pretend that everything is perfect and lovely all the time. You’re allowed to feel negative emotions alongside the positive ones.”</p>
<p>Ainsley grinned at him, and she opened up her arms for a hug. He stepped close to her and melted into his child, holding her close. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his hips, and for a moment, she was just a tiny little toddler again, clinging to him with every ounce of her strength.</p>
<p>An ache of sorrow swelled through him. His baby had grown up so quickly.</p>
<p>James kissed her check, then stepped away.</p>
<p>“You’re nearly ten,” he said, finally getting around to his initial point.</p>
<p>“Thanks, I never would’ve remembered,” Ainsley drawled.</p>
<p>He flicked her nose lightly. “Smartarse. What I <em>mean</em>… is, well, you’re ten. Pre-teen.” He coughed. “Er… adolescent. And, well, your body is gonna be changing. It’s gonna be producing all sorts of hormones it didn’t used to, and…”</p>
<p>“Da-<em>aaaad</em>,” Ainsley groaned, scrubbing her palms across her reddening face. “Stop!”</p>
<p>He winced. “Sorry, darling, but…”</p>
<p>“Mum and my health class beat you to it,” she blurted. “Thanks, but I know. I know I’m gonna grow breasts and get my period and…”</p>
<p>James nodded. “Yes, that’s the physical stuff. Have you learned about the emotional side of it though? New hormones racing through your body means your mood and emotions can go haywire. Like getting upset over trivial things. Or feeling overwhelmingly sad or anxious for seemingly no reason.”</p>
<p>Ainsley’s cheeks were still scarlet as she mumbled, “Oh.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. So give yourself some patience and grace, yeah? I mean, it doesn't excuse you from foul behavior or from saying rude things. But just know it’s not completely coming from nowhere.”</p>
<p>“‘Kay.”</p>
<p>“Right, that’s that,” he said, mentally giving himself a gold star on his dad chart for the day. “Time for hot cocoa.”</p>
<p>By the time everybody’s hot drinks were ready, Rose had arrived in the kitchen with the twins, both of whom were awake and fussing. James grabbed yogurt and applesauce from the fridge.</p>
<p>“Is it okay if we chat at the kitchen table?” Rose asked apologetically. “We can have a snuggle after breakfast.”</p>
<p>Ainsley leaped down from the countertop, grabbing her hot cocoa and bringing it to the table. She sat at her usual place and swiped her tongue through the mountain of whipped cream James had dolloped into her mug.</p>
<p>James brought over his coffee and Rose’s tea first, then the twins’ breakfast. For many long minutes, the room was quiet except for the babbling of the babies. They traded off the yogurt and applesauce until Hannah and Maddie were full and content, their faces smeared with their breakfast.</p>
<p>“So,” Ainsley said conversationally, swiping her finger through the remnants of her whipped cream and offering it to Hannah, who eagerly chewed at it. “Ten weeks pregnant?”</p>
<p>“Nearly,” Rose answered. “Due at the end of May.”</p>
<p>“When did you find out?”</p>
<p>“Last month.”</p>
<p>Ainsley tilted her head to the side. “Why the sudden stomach flu charade if you’ve known for a whole month?”</p>
<p>James spared a glance at Rose, his mouth working wordlessly for a few seconds. She dipped her chin in agreement.</p>
<p>“A minor complication arose,” James admitted. “And your mum’s doctor recommended she rest as much as possible for the next few weeks.”</p>
<p>“What sort of complication?”</p>
<p>Without going into too much explicit or worrying detail, James explained the hemorrhage and its location in relation to the baby. </p>
<p>“Which is another reason your mum and I wanted to keep the pregnancy a secret,” James concluded. “If anything had happened… well, it would have been easier to not have to explain to everyone we know that we’d lost a baby.”</p>
<p>“Do Gran and Grandad know? Grandad must. That’s why he’s been coming ‘round so often,” Ainsley reasoned.</p>
<p>“He knows, but Gran doesn’t yet,” Rose said. “We’ll be telling her soon. Please don’t say anything to Sianin yet though.”</p>
<p>Ainsley snorted humorlessly. “I’m sure she’ll be <em>thrilled</em>.”</p>
<p>James winced. He’d been worrying about how his six-year-old would take the news of the impending arrival of yet another baby sibling. He had hoped Ainsley’s enthusiasm would help curb any negative emotions Sianin would be feeling. Though judging by Ainsley's initial reaction, he was very glad they hadn’t told the girls at the same time; Ainsley’s negative response probably would have exacerbated Sianin’s.</p>
<p>“D’you have a picture of the baby yet?”</p>
<p>“We do,” James said, pulling out his phone. “Even better… your mum took a video of them too.”</p>
<p>He pulled up the ultrasound video Rose had sent to him and handed it to his daughter. She played the video, cooing at the grainy image of the baby on the screen.</p>
<p>“Did it just move?” Ainsley asked, eyes wide. “It can <em>move</em>?”</p>
<p>“They’re not an ‘it’,” Rose said, voice terse. “But yes, they can move. I should start being able to feel them in my belly in the next month.”</p>
<p>“You don’t know the gender yet?” Ainsley asked, handing the phone back to her father.</p>
<p>“Nope,” he replied, popping the ‘p’. “It’s a bit too soon.”</p>
<p>“Five quid says it’s another girl,” Ainsley said with a smirk.</p>
<p>Rose grinned and waggled her eyebrows at James.</p>
<p>“Oh, ye of little faith!” he whined dramatically to hear them laugh. “I’m <em>sure</em> I did it this time!”</p>
<p>Ainsley furrowed her brows. “Wait. What d’you mean?”</p>
<p>“Er. Have you learned about chromosomes?” James prompted, ignoring his wife’s fond eyeroll. Ainsley simply blinked at him. “Okay, quick little biology lesson. Your DNA—the stuff that makes you <em>you</em>—is all wrapped up in things called chromosomes. They come in twenty-three pairs and, well, the specifics aren’t really important at the moment, but one of those pairs is what’s called a sex-linked chromosome. One of the major functions of that pair is determining the physical sex of a person. Females have two X chromosomes, males have an X and a Y chromosome. Because of that, when a baby is made, the woman’s egg only has an X chromosome to provide. The sperm donor, er, <em>the father</em>, is the one who’s genetic contribution distinguishes what sex the baby will be. If the sperm cell is carrying a Y chromosome, the baby will be a boy. If the sperm is carrying an X chromosome, it will be a girl.”</p>
<p>Ainsley stared unblinkingly for a moment, her eyes a little glazed. He cringed, wondering if he’d gone slightly over his child’s head, when her expression morphed. A furrow appeared between her brows and her mouth tightened.</p>
<p>“You mean Henry the Eighth chopped all his wives’ heads off <em>for nothing</em>?!” she screeched. “It was all his fault in the first place he wasn’t getting sons?!”</p>
<p>James burst into laughter and heard Rose echoing the mirth.</p>
<p>“‘Fraid so,” he said. “To be fair, the world didn't know much about genetics back in the sixteenth century.”</p>
<p>“Was still stupid,” Ainsley huffed, crossing her arms across her chest.</p>
<p>“A little bit,” James agreed. </p>
<p>Ainsley sucked in a big breath then blew it out noisily, her lips making a rumbling raspberry sound that caught the babies’ attention. They each broke into delighted giggles and bounced in their seats, babbling. Ainsley grinned and dutifully blew more raspberries at the twins. Maddie attempted to mirror her sister, but instead ended up spraying spit everywhere as she puffed out her cheeks and blew.</p>
<p>“Good try,” Ainsley said, clapping. </p>
<p>Maddie beamed and clapped her hands, then strained towards her big sister, screeching when her tray got in her way.</p>
<p>“Do you want her?” Rose asked.</p>
<p>Ainsley nodded and held out her arms for her baby sister. Rose unstrapped the baby and plopped her into Ainsley’s lap. James’s chest tightened as he watched his daughters.</p>
<p>Hannah, seeing that her twin was being lavished with love, screamed. The hair on the back of James’s neck stood on end as a chill pierced his spine.</p>
<p>“Well, if Sianin was still asleep, she’s not anymore,” he grumbled, hurriedly unfastening Hannah from her chair. Since Ainsley didn’t have any more room in her lap, James scooted his chair closer to his eldest and set Hannah onto the table, keeping his hands at the ready in case she toppled.</p>
<p>“Enh, it’s time for Sianin to get her bum out of bed anyway,” Ainsley said with a shrug. </p>
<p>“Not everyone is an early riser,” Rose admonished gently. </p>
<p>Ainsley sniffed, then asked, “So. That’s the pregnancy discussed. Is that <em>everything</em> you’ve been keeping a secret from us?”</p>
<p>Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Rose grimace grimly. He schooled his features, unsure of whether Rose wanted to tell Ainsley about their plans to move to Scotland yet. He didn’t mind spilling that secret, since they’d already dumped the baby news on their daughter, but he would respect Rose’s decision if she wasn’t ready for it.</p>
<p>However, James knew he needed to respond soon or else Ainsley would get suspicious. Luckily, Rose seemed to want to take the reins with the question.</p>
<p>“Well. Not exactly,” she said. “Your dad and I have been thinking for a while about moving into a bigger house.”</p>
<p>Ainsley blinked. “Oh. Well. I guess that makes sense. Especially since another baby is on the way. We don’t exactly have a bedroom for them.”</p>
<p>“Your dad and I were considering it even before we found out about the baby,” Rose said. “I love our house, but it’s getting too small to comfortably fit our family.”</p>
<p>“Where are we moving?” Ainsley asked.</p>
<p>“We’ve decided to accept the manor in Scotland,” James interjected. “My family’s manor.”</p>
<p>Ainsley was wide-eyed and silent, before she broke into a huge grin and shrieked, “We’re moving into a <em>castle</em>?!”</p>
<p>Dumbfounded, James looked over to Rose, who looked equally as stunned.</p>
<p>“Er, well, it’s not technically a castle,” James mumbled, reaching up to scratch at the back of his neck.</p>
<p>“Are you kidding? Sianin and I always pretend to be village peasants who were invited to Prince Charming’s castle for the Yule season!” Ainsley laughed. “Now we’re <em>actually</em> gonna live there. What rooms are ours? Can I pick my own room?”</p>
<p>Ainsley abruptly began speaking when Rose let out a quiet whimper. James reached across the table and took her hand as she furiously blinked back tears.</p>
<p>“Mum? I’m sorry, I…”</p>
<p>“S’not you,” Rose assured, her voice trembling. “Sorry, I’m very weepy this time ‘round. I’m just… I’m so happy you’re excited to move to Scotland.”</p>
<p>“Well, yeah! I can’t wait!”</p>
<p>“Can’t wait for what?”</p>
<p>James jumped at the little voice in the entryway. Sianin, bleary-eyed and messy-haired shuffled towards them, still in her pajamas. She stepped up to James and, without a word, clambered into his lap, leaning into his chest as she let out a yawn. He loosely wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed the top of her head.</p>
<p>“Can I tell her?” Ainsley begged, eyes sparkling. “Please please <em>please</em>?”</p>
<p>“Only the part we’ve been discussing,” Rose said, giving Ainsley a meaningful look.</p>
<p>Ainsley reached over and grabbed Sianin’s hand, jiggling it excitedly. “We’re moving to the Scotland manor!”</p>
<p>Sianin was silent for a beat, then gasped, “We’re moving into <em>a castle</em>?!”</p>
<p>“Not a castle,” James muttered, even as he grinned and squeezed Sianin’s middle.</p>
<p>“I wanna go live in the castle now!” Sianin moaned. She bounced on his lap and tilted her head back to look at him. “When are we going? Can we go now?”</p>
<p>“Sadly not now,” James answered, booping her nose. “Probably sometime next spring or summer.”</p>
<p>“Awww. Do I have to wait <em>that long</em>?”</p>
<p>“Yep,” he said, kissing her forehead.</p>
<p>Rose stood from the kitchen table under the guise of grabbing everyone’s dirty mugs, but James saw her brimming, red-rimmed eyes. She set the mugs in the sink then left the kitchen.</p>
<p>“Up you get,” he murmured to his daughter, nudging for her to clamber off his lap. </p>
<p>She dutifully hopped to her feet. He made to pick up Hannah, who was sitting on the table, but Ainsley said, “She’s fine, I got her.”</p>
<p>“Sian, help Ainsley to make sure Hannah doesn’t fall,” he commanded as he stood from the chair and followed his wife. “I’ll be right back.”</p>
<p>He found Rose in their bedroom, perched on the end of the bed and crying quietly into her hands. Wordlessly, he sank onto the mattress beside her and wrapped his arm around her waist, tugging her into him. She went willingly.</p>
<p>“Happy tears?” he asked, rubbing long, slow lines into her thigh.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” she croaked. “I’ve been so worried that the kids would <em>hate</em> the idea of moving to Scotland. And here they are… thrilled to be moving into a <em>castle</em>… and I’m just… God…”</p>
<p>A sob bubbled up her throat, and he tightened his hold around her. He kissed the top of her head again and again as she wept.</p>
<p>“I’m a bloody <em>mess</em>,” she said after a few minutes. Her voice and nose were thick with tears and snot. “I better not be like this for the next seven months.”</p>
<p>He snorted softly and hummed, rocking her gently. His family all were excited about moving up to Scotland, and truthfully, so was he. It was the best decision for them. But the house would need some work done to it before they could live there. It could do with some updates to improve efficiency, and upkeep to the aesthetics so it would look like the home they wanted.</p>
<p>And he knew, with a sinking stomach, that he didn’t want his children living in a construction zone. Nor did he want his pregnant wife breathing in sawdust or floor adhesive or wall paint.</p>
<p>Which left him no other alternative than to be the one to oversee the renovation project. The renovation project that might take <em>months</em> to complete.</p>
<p>Rose, clearly, had not come to that conclusion yet, and for as much as he ached to share his sorrow with her, he didn’t want to burst her joyous bubble. Not when she was so happy that their children were excited to be moving into the not-a-castle castle.</p>
<p>“Penny for ‘em,” she said, nudging her leg into his.</p>
<p>“Oh, just thinking,” he said. “Thinking of how nice it will be once we’re all in Scotland together.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Especially after months of not seeing my family.</em>
</p>
<p>“It’ll be great,” Rose said, her voice cleared of tears. “God, I can’t wait. The kids’ enthusiasm is infectious. I can’t wait to pick out everyone’s rooms, and decorate. The manor is <em>huge</em>. It’ll take some work to fill it out so it doesn’t look barren. What room d’you think the kids will want?”</p>
<p>“My vote is to put them as far away from our room as possible,” he teased, anything to get his mind out of the hole it had sunk into. “That way we don’t have to worry about staying quiet.”</p>
<p>Rose cackled and swatted his chest. “Of <em>course</em> you would suggest that.”</p>
<p>Waggling his eyebrows, he leaned down to kiss her, but was interrupted by Sianin yelling, “Hannah pooed out of her nappy!”</p>
<p>Rose groaned and plopped her head onto his shoulder. “I’ve got a week’s worth of nappy blow-outs to make up for, haven’t I?”</p>
<p>“To be fair, there were only two of those this week,” he said, kissing the top of her head. “Don’t worry about it, love. I’ll do it.”</p>
<p>“That’s not fair,” she said, grabbing his forearm as he stood from the bed. “I feel perfectly fine, you can let me do it.”</p>
<p>But he shook his head. “I’ve got her, Rose.”</p>
<p>He turned and left the room without giving her a chance to argue. Cleaning a messy nappy was one of his least favorite things about parenthood. But how many nappy blowouts was Rose in store for during the upcoming winter months while he was away in Scotland? And how many nights would he wish he were able to clean a dirty nappy because that meant he would be back with his family?</p>
<p>Firmly pushing those thoughts aside to be examined later, James pasted on a big smile as he reentered the kitchen.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Apologies for the delay in this chapter. I wasn't in the best of places, mental-health wise. But I hope you enjoyed this newest installment, and I hope you all have a very safe and happy holiday season 💜</p>
<p>The best holiday gift you could give me would be to leave a comment telling me if you enjoyed the chapter 😘</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>James and Rose begin making plans to move their family to Scotland.</p><p>Chapter Word Count: ~ 5200</p><p>Chapter Rating: Teen</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oof, I am very sorry for the nearly-four-month wait. My brain has been single-mindedly focused on my new fic <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29338662/chapters/72059178">What Makes a Family</a> that is hasn't wanted to work on anything apart from that story. I'm hoping my brain will be able to cooperate so I won't be going months between updates, but no promises.</p><p>I hope you enjoy this chapter, which is a little shorter than my usual ones, but it's kind of a transition chapter, to update y'all on Rose's pregnancy complication (or lack thereof) and to introduce you properly to the Scottish manor, which has featured in my stories before, but never described in much detail.</p><p>Ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the start of the chapter:<br/>James: 39<br/>Rose: 34<br/>Ainsley: 9<br/>Sianin: 6<br/>Twins: 7.5 months</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Now that Ainsley had been let in on the secret of the new baby, Rose and James didn’t need to work as hard to uphold the facade. Sianin, bless her little heart, had no idea what was going on, but was glad that her mum wanted to laze around the house, which translated into Sianin getting plenty of snuggles on the sofa as they watched cartoons.</p><p>James seemed to be taking “over-protective” to a whole new level. He jumped at the chance to care for their children, either taking over or joining Rose in all bedtime routines. If a twin awoke in the middle of the night, he sprang out of bed before her groggy brain could even realize Hannah or Maddie had made a sound.</p><p>But when she brought it up to him, he flashed her a charming grin that never failed to melt her, and simply asked, “You’re upset that I want to care for my children?”</p><p>And really, when he put it like that, her irritation with him evaporated. She had to keep reminding him to let her help, though, lest the twins forget they had a mother.</p><p>James and Rose also used the opportunity to place more responsibilities on Sianin’s shoulders, to the girl’s displeasure. Since Rose wasn’t supposed to do most of the normal household chores, James taught Sianin how to vacuum, wash the floors, and a host of other minor but daily tasks.</p><p>Rose, though guilty that she was lounging around the house all day when she ought to be cleaning, was glad that Sianin was at least performing the tasks James assigned to her with minimal complaining. </p><p>Ainsley, meanwhile, took it upon herself to help her dad with anything he was doing and to check in with her mum to see if Rose needed anything.</p><p>“How long d’you have to rest for?” Ainsley asked as she settled in with Rose and Maddie on the couch for her nightly reading. Hannah was already in her crib for the night, but Maddie was stubbornly refusing to fall asleep in favor of getting snuggles and kisses from her mother.</p><p>“A few weeks,” Rose replied, blotting at the drool dripping down her baby’s chin with her jumper sleeve. Maddie scrunched her nose and turned her face away. “We’ve got a follow-up appointment next week to check the status of the bleed.”</p><p>Ainsley tilted her head to the side. “Why do you always do that? Make it plural? You said <em>we’ve</em> got an appointment, not <em>I’ve</em> got an appointment.”</p><p>Rose snorted. “You’re right. But your dad is joining me at the appointment. Plus, it’s an appointment to check on the baby, who is both his and mine. It feels wrong to claim sole ownership.”</p><p>“That’s actually really cute,” Ainsley admitted. She sighed dreamily. “Dad takes such good care of you when you’re unwell.”</p><p>A flood of adoration overtook Rose, squeezing her chest until inexplicable tears burned her eyes. She listened to her husband, who was in the kitchen assembling the girls’ lunches for tomorrow. He was humming to himself as he worked, the notes slightly flat and offkey.</p><p>“Yeah, he does,” Rose croaked.</p><p>“I hope I find someone just like him one day,” Ainsley said with a wistful sigh.</p><p>“I hope that for you, too.” Rose kissed Ainsley’s temple. “I hope that for all of my children.”</p><p>“How do you think it’ll work with Sianin and her soulmates?”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>Ainsley shrugged. “It’s hard to imagine having two soulmates. How can she love two people as equally and intensely as you love Dad?”</p><p>“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, eh? Who knows whether Sianin’s relationship with Elena and Juliette will evolve into a romantic one.”</p><p>“I suppose,” Ainsley allowed. “But for argument’s sake, how would it work if they decided to let it be romantic? It seems so strange to be involved in a relationship with two people.”</p><p>“Strange as it might be to you, it’s normal for others. Love in all its forms is a beautiful thing, remember that.”</p><p>“It feels like it would be hard to make sure you aren’t showing favoritism to one versus another,” Ainsley said.</p><p>“Well, your dad and I have four children—we love you all with equal intensity and try not to show favoritism. I imagine it’s something similar.”</p><p>“Hmm. I don’t think I would want to be in a relationship with more than one person,” Ainsley admitted. “I want one person who is mine, and mine alone.”</p><p>“That’s perfectly reasonable,” Rose said. “You need to decide what works for you, just as Sianin will decide what works for her.”</p><p>Ainsley was quiet for several long seconds, but Rose could practically hear her daughter’s mind churning. While she let Ainsley think, she used the time to give kisses to the baby in her arms. The baby was finally getting drowsy; she had her cheek planted above Rose’s left breast, and her head rose and fell with her mother’s breaths. Any time Maddie’s eyes began to droop shut, she wrenched them open and gazed up at her mother.</p><p>Being the singular focus of her baby’s attention always made her heart squeeze with love and gratitude. She was the whole world to this tiny, perfect little human, and for a moment, as Rose got lost in her baby’s blue eyes, Maddie was her whole world, too.</p><p>“Do you think her eyes will stay blue?” Ainsley asked.</p><p>“I think so,” Rose said. “Usually if they change, they would’ve changed by now. All of my babies’ eyes started out blue. In Sianin’s case, they turned brown after a couple months. Yours stayed more or less the same color. And the twins’ appear to be brightening… they kind of look like Gran’s, don’t they?”</p><p>Ainsley peered down at Maddie. The baby shifted her sleepy eyes to her big sister, and offered a smile that widened into a yawn. Ainsley snorted and rubbed Maddie’s back. The baby grunted and wiggled around before face-planting into the crevice between Rose’s breasts.</p><p>“Silly girl,” Ainsley murmured. “Yeah, they do look like Gran’s. How does that work? I mean, I sort of know how it works. But her DNA is half you, half Dad, and yet she has Gran’s eyes. And apparently I look like Dad’s mum.”</p><p>“My DNA is half my mum and dad, and your dad’s DNA is half his mum and dad,” Rose said. “There are bits of all of our past family swirling inside of us, and it’s a lottery draw as to which traits get passed on to a baby.”</p><p>“That’s kind of neat,” Ainsley said. “It’s so fascinating that so many things have to happen perfectly to create a baby.” She paused, then continued in a rush, “We had <em>the talk</em> at school today. Y’know, how the girls and boys should be starting puberty soon, if they haven’t started already. One girl in my class had her first period months ago, which is mad. She’s nine! They also explained how in a couple years we’ll all be sexually mature and be able to make babies and so we all have to be very, very careful to prevent unwanted pregnancies as we’re exploring our bodies.</p><p>“They went over how a baby is made. Just the basics. Y’know, penis in vagina, sperm meets egg equals baby. I didn’t know that men released millions and millions of sperm when they had sex. That seems like overkill, doesn’t it?”</p><p>“What seems like overkill?”</p><p>Rose jumped at the sound of James’s voice right behind her. Her mind whirred, trying to wrap itself around the sudden turn their conversation had taken, as well as the fact that her baby was old enough to be learning the basics of human reproduction in school already.</p><p>“Did you know you made and released millions of sperm at a time when you have sex?” Ainsley asked, her eyes bright.</p><p>James was silent for a beat, cheeks pinkening and mouth going slack. He cleared his throat. “Er… yeah. Yeah, I did know that. But where did <em>you</em> learn that?”</p><p>“They gave us <em>the talk</em> in school.”</p><p>“Ah,” he said, wincing.</p><p>“Why do you make millions of sperm when only one will actually fertilize the egg?” Ainsley asked, cocking her head to the side. She then glanced down at Maddie, who was drooling into Rose’s shirt. “Er, or I guess two?”</p><p>“Actually, it was just one sperm,” Rose corrected.</p><p>Ainsley frowned. “But… there are two babies.”</p><p>“But they’re identical,” James said. “Genetically, they’re the same. Basically, one of my sperm met your mum’s egg, then that egg divided somewhat incorrectly to begin producing two separate babies with the same exact genetic code.”</p><p>“Oh. So your egg accidentally made a clone of itself?”</p><p>Rose snorted. “Something like that.”</p><p>Ainsley looked impressed. Then she said, “But still. Why make millions of sperm? That’s a bit wasteful, isn’t it?”</p><p>“It’s all about statistics,” James answered, scrubbing at the back of his neck. “Would you rather try to hit a target with one arrow or many? What if that one arrow is defective somehow? Or your aim is slightly off? By releasing tens of millions of sperm in one go, you increase the odds of fertilization; and the egg can be a bit choosier by only allowing the strongest of the bunch to fertilize it and begin making a baby.”</p><p>“Oh. That makes a lot of sense, actually,” Ainsley said. “What stops all of the sperm from penetrating the egg and creating a million babies?”</p><p>“Once a sperm meets the egg, it basically walls itself off from getting fertilized again,” James explained. “When sperm meets egg, a biological cascade effect begins. The woman’s egg recognizes it’s been fertilized, so it begins producing chemicals and hormones that tell the rest of the body to prepare for the oncoming baby. And it shuts down egg production so there’s no chance of multiple fertilized eggs trying to grow a baby after one is already growing. Imagine how cramped it would get in there. And imagine how hard it would be on the woman to have multiple babies all at different stages of development in her uterus. Evolution has figured out how to control everything so that doesn’t happen.”</p><p>“That’s so cool,” Ainsley said.</p><p>“It is a bit cool,” James said, smiling.</p><p>“It’s weird that women are born with all the eggs they’ll ever have, but men keep making more and more sperm ‘til they die. That’s way more efficient. What if something happens to the woman and her egg supply is damaged? At least with men, they can regenerate their sperm.” Ainsley cocked her head at her father. “In theory, you could help make a baby when you’re a hundred, right?”</p><p>James choked. “I… well… yes, technically. But my baby-making partner would also be a hundred—well, ninety-five—and since she would no longer be fertile, I wouldn’t be helping to make any more babies. Besides, the… ehm… the quality of sperm deteriorates over time. It’s not usually a good idea to procreate after a certain age. And, ehm… the <em>act</em> of making a baby gets… ehm… more difficult in old age. So… ehm… I’m not sure we’d… that we’d… Although I would truly love to be with your mother in that way in our old age, statistically it’s not all that probable so I’m not really expecting to… not that I wouldn’t want to… but…”</p><p>Rose kneaded the heel of her hand into her eyes as James’s gob ran without stop and without filter. She eventually reached over and pinched him. He squeaked, but snapped his mouth shut. Ainsley, meanwhile, was in stitches on the sofa, cackling madly as both her parents’ cheeks blazed.</p><p>oOoOo</p><p>Two weeks and two days after learning she had subchorionic hemorrhage, Rose walked into her OB-GYN, this time with her husband at her side. Despite the fact that her bleeding and cramping had stopped nearly a week ago, she was a little nervous to see what Elizabeth would have to say.</p><p>James must have sensed her anxiety, because he threaded their fingers together and rubbed at the back of her thumb while they waited for Rose’s name to be called. He talked to her about nothing in particular, filling the silence between them. Rose let the soothing rhythm of his voice calm her until Elizabeth appeared in the waiting room and called name, gesturing for her to follow.</p><p>“How are you feeling?” the midwife asked as she took Rose’s height and weight. “You’ve lost some weight since I saw you two weeks ago. Nothing worrying, but something to keep an eye on. Especially since you ought to be putting <em>on</em> weight as your pregnancy progresses.”</p><p>“My appetite is still finicky,” Rose admitted. “Nausea is mostly gone though. I’m hoping that will help. But otherwise, I feel fine.”</p><p>“Any bleeding? Cramping? Dizziness?”</p><p>Rose shook her head and stepped off the scale, following Elizabeth down the corridor to an exam room. James followed silently and settled into the chair beside the exam table. An ultrasound machine already sat in the corner of the room, and, familiar with the routine, Rose reclined on the table and exposed her belly.</p><p><em>Déjà vu</em> settled over her as she remembered the utter terror of two weeks ago, certain her midwife was about to confirm her worst fear. Her pulse thundered in her ears and she began to tremble as her mind warred with itself, half of it trying to calm her, and the other half spinning out of control. James scooted his chair closer to her and leaned his elbow onto the table above her head. His warmth and scent surrounded her.</p><p>“You’re okay, love,” he whispered, kissing her forehead softly. “You’re okay. I’m here.”</p><p>“What a cute little bump,” Elizabeth cooed, squirting cool gel onto said bump between Rose’s hips. “Let’s see the cute little baby inside it, eh?”</p><p>Rose reached over and grabbed James’s free hand, linking their fingers together and squeezing tightly. He bent down to kiss her forehead again, then he brought their joined hands to his mouth to kiss her knuckles one at a time.</p><p>“Here we are,” Elizabeth said, tapping a few buttons into her keyboard.</p><p>Rose looked at the monitor and her heart clenched at the sight of her baby. They seemed to be about the same size as before, but Elizabeth was pleased with the baby’s appearance.</p><p>“They’re rather active,” the midwife noted, readjusting the probe when the shifting baby went out of focus. “Are you able to feel them, Rose?”</p><p>“Not yet,” she croaked. She desperately wanted to, though. She wanted that little flutter of life between her hips. She wanted the undeniable proof that her baby was alive and healthy and growing, because what if the scan was somehow wrong? Rose squeezed her eyes shut and focused deep within herself, trying to sense any ripple of movement in her uterus.</p><p>Her eyes shot open when the midwife tapped a few buttons and the heartbeat echoed around the room. </p><p>James let out a soft, “<em>Oh</em>,” his grip on her hand turning vice-like.</p><p>Rose glanced up at her husband, but his gaze was locked on the monitor, his eyes glassy with unshed tears. The sight of them made her own eyes prickle. She would never tire of seeing the awe on his face as he beheld their children. He treated each day with their kids as though it was the most precious gift he’d been given; this baby was no exception, and Rose could already see how in love her husband was with the tiny fetus inside her. She could plainly see him, seven months from now, weeping as he held their newborn for the first time, curling his body around theirs as though he could physically shield their baby from any harm the world might bring to them. She could see him sitting with the baby in the dead of night, half asleep himself, yet holding their small child to his chest as he rocked them.</p><p>God, she wanted that, was impatient for these visions to come true. Even though she regularly saw him holding and snuggling the children they already had, Rose was desperate to give him his fifth child and bring completion to their not-so-little-anymore family.</p><p>“Our baby looks healthy,” James said, his voice hoarse. Rose blinked away the visions in her mind’s eye and was brought back to the present, where her husband was no longer looking at the baby on the screen, but rather down at Rose. She flashed him a small smile that he returned before he focused on the midwife, his gaze intense. “But how is Rose? How is the hemorrhage? Is she healthy and safe?”</p><p>“Let’s take a look at that next.” Elizabeth zoomed out away from the baby, and instead shifted the focus of the ultrasound probe to the gray masses surrounding the baby. “Here we go.”</p><p>After taking a few seconds to orient James and Rose to what she was talking about, Elizabeth pointed to a black blob along the edge of the placenta. “Here’s the clot. And yes, it is just a clot now. It appears to no longer be actively bleeding, which is excellent news. The placenta is intact, which is also great news. Sometimes a concern is that the bleeding will cause the placenta to pull away from the uterine wall, but that is not the case here. I am very, very happy with what I’m seeing.”</p><p>Rose let out a deep breath. James, too, relaxed a fraction.</p><p>“Can I go back to business as usual?” Rose asked.</p><p>“Let’s not be hasty,” James answered instead.</p><p>“I wasn’t asking you,” Rose drawled, reaching up to pat his cheek.</p><p>Elizabeth pursed her lips around a grin. She wiped the expression off her face and said, “I see no reason why not. Obviously you are limited as any other pregnant woman is, and I would try to take it easy for the next couple weeks as the clot dissolves, but yes, you should be able to resume <em>all</em> activities as normal.”</p><p>Rose was fairly certain she’d read between the lines correctly, yet she asked, “Sex too?”</p><p>James let out a little squeak that had Rose rolling her eyes. Elizabeth’s entire profession revolved around people having had biologically-successful sex. They themselves were here because they’d had successful sex. <em>Nutter</em>.</p><p>“Yes, you may resume your sexual activities,” the midwife replied.</p><p>Rose nodded. She hadn’t been in the mood for sex lately, too concerned was she with the baby and will following the instructions to rest. She knew that James’s sex drive had mirrored her own in his double concern for her and the baby. While she still didn’t have the desire to drag James straight into bed when they got home, Rose was glad it was at least an option, if the mood struck. She’d find other ways to satisfy James if or when his sex drive returned while hers remained elusive.</p><p>“Is Rose okay to travel?” James asked. “We were planning to take the kids up to Scotland for half-term break next week. Probably travelling by train.”</p><p>“I’ve been cleared to shag your brains out, but no, the movement of a train will be far too vigorous for my delicate condition,” Rose muttered out of the corner of her mouth.</p><p>James flicked her nose but didn’t respond.</p><p>“Yes, she should be fine,” Elizabeth said, pretending not to have heard their exchange. “Just listen to your body, Rose. It will do a good job of telling you what it needs. Try not to overexert. Rest when you’re tired. Make sure you’re getting enough vitamins and nutrients. Things like that.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Rose said. “And while we’re talking about it, do you happen to have any connections with midwives in Scotland? Near Glasgow? James and I are going to be relocating our family. The move isn’t happening next week or anything; we’re getting the kids used to the area and the house we’ll be moving into.”</p><p>“And you say I’m chatty,” James teased.</p><p>Rose rolled her eyes.</p><p>“Funnily enough, I do,” Elizabeth said. “One of my very close friends. We went to school together. I can send you her contact information, as I don’t have it on hand right now. I can also reach out to her to see if she can see you next week, if you’d like? A consultation visit, mostly, assuming she is taking new patients and is near enough to where you’ll be living.”</p><p>“That’d be brilliant,” Rose said, accepting the moist towels the midwife handed to her and cleaning off her belly.</p><p>Elizabeth made a few notes on her computer, then printed out another scan of the baby for them, despite them having one from two weeks ago. She also scheduled Rose’s twenty-week appointment, which would be shortly after the holidays. Rose was already impatient for January sixth to be here; it would be the appointment when she and James would learn the sex of their baby, something Rose always loved learning. But this time was the added game of being able to tease James for his apparent inability to produce a Y-chromosomed sperm. As though that was something he could control. (A fact he liked to remind her of often.)</p><p>“As always, you can call us if there are any questions or concerns,” Elizabeth said as she walked them to the front lobby. “But I’m very pleased with everything I’ve seen today.”</p><p>After thanking her, James slipped his fingers between Rose’s and guided her out to their car.</p><p>oOoOo</p><p>The following week, James and Rose willed themselves to have endless reserves of patience as they readied their children for the trip to Scotland. It felt like they had to pack up their entire house to ensure they had enough supplies for all the kids, including toys and games in addition to the endless articles of clothing.</p><p>Robert, bless him, was accompanying them, to help with child care and to give his opinion on the work they might want done to the manor house. James had reached out to half a dozen different remodeling companies to have them come out and take a look at the work he and Rose wanted done; they were due to arrive at the end of the week, since James and Rose wanted the first few days to walk around the house and make lists of repairs and upgrades that could be done, both internally and externally to the grounds.</p><p>The train ride went as well as could be expected when travelling with four children. Ainsley was content to read for the entire journey, but Sianin loudly proclaimed she was bored barely an hour into the trip. The twins were awake and wanting to crawl around, but there was only so much space in the compartment car. James, Rose, and Robert took turns walking a fussing baby up and down the length of the train, introducing the infant to cooing passengers who fawned over how beautiful she was. The passengers were extra delighted to realize they were identical twins.</p><p>Finally, the train docked in Glasgow, where the Tyler-McCrimmons picked up a rental vehicle and made the half-hour drive out of the city proper to the manor house.</p><p>The excitement at the prospect of permanently living in the “castle” evaporated Ainsley and Sianin’s travel exhaustion. As soon as James unlocked the front door, they bolted inside and began chattering to each other about where their playroom should be and calling dibs on the bedrooms.</p><p>“I want <em>this</em> one,” Sianin announced, gesturing to the master suite.</p><p>“That one is off-limits,” James said lightly, tweaking the end of her braid. “Available to mummies and daddies only. Same with the guest suite on the other side. That’s for when Gran or Grandad stay to visit.”</p><p>Sianin deflated a bit, but perked back up when James reminded her that there were plenty of other bedrooms to choose from.</p><p>Rose, meanwhile, immediately began to visualize how she would decorate. The current color scheme of the manor was dark, but not gloomily so. Even still, Rose thought that brightening the wall colors from burgundy to a rich cream or ivory would help open up the space and blend the rooms together. It would also make the house feel cleaner, and with five children tearing it apart, Rose knew she and James could use all the help they could get in that department.</p><p>The floors were in excellent shape, having been replaced shortly after Ainsley was born. Robert had come to her and James when he was having the work performed so they could help pick out the color and style of the various hardwood, tile, and carpeted floors in all of the rooms. Belatedly, Rose realized that Robert had done so because he knew this home would belong to them in the near future.</p><p>From the foyer, which was lit from the warm glow of the chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, Rose stared straight ahead into the formal dining room that used to be a ballroom; the kitchen extended beyond that through a set of wide oak doors that were currently closed. She already knew that the kitchen was huge and open, thanks to James’s grandmother having remodeled it to use up more of the defunct ballroom space. The kitchen housed a long table that would easily fit their large family; therefore, the formal dining room wouldn’t be necessary until they hosted holidays or had friends over. Otherwise, that could easily be a place for the children to do their homework.</p><p>To her right was what used to be a receiving room, but had evolved over the last century to be the living room. It was already furnished with a couch, a love seat, and a few reclining chairs placed strategically around a television. A fireplace sat along the far wall, and Rose could already see herself sitting in the rocking reclining chair and nursing her new baby, or snuggling with one of her other four children or husband as the fire crackled merrily beside them. Goosebumps prickled along Rose’s skin at the thought of her and James making love by the fireplace, a vision straight out of a Victorian romance novel.</p><p>Blinking away that fantasy for the time being, Rose continued her mental mapping of the manor. Behind the living room was another room that had been a different receiving room—most likely, she presumed, a space for the gentlemen when the ladies had overtaken the first receiving room. Because God forbid men enjoy their wives’ presence.</p><p>James’s parents had converted that into a study area for James; Rose thought it would make a nice playroom for their family. It had plenty of room to store the kids’ endless number of toys, and it had a closet where they could keep their games. The flooring in there was currently hardwood; Rose made a mental note to chat with James about replacing it with something softer.</p><p>Extending beyond the living room was a narrow hallway that opened up to what had once been servants’ quarters. Rose knew that James’s grandmother had remodeled it and created a larger footprint, converting the area into a spacious a guest suite; it was where Robert always slept when he visited, unable to stomach being in the master bedroom ever since he’d lost his wife.</p><p>To the left of the foyer was a long, wide corridor with several rooms branching off of it. One of those rooms was a library that Rose already knew Ainsley would practically make her second bedroom. Rose planned to outfit the room with a variety of comfortable furniture and a desk. Directly beside the library and connected with a door was a formal study; she figured James would like to make that his space, filling it with textbooks and knickknacks and turning it into a place he could mark papers and exams on the weekends or weeknights.</p><p>Directly beside the study and again connected through a set of doors was a secondary study. This one was at the end of the manor, and therefore had windows on the two external walls. It was filled with plenty of natural lighting and Rose thought it would make a perfect place for her to set up her art studio.</p><p>On the opposite side of the corridor from the library and studies were a series of small rooms. There was a half bath that was mostly just a closet with a toilet and a sink, and two small rooms that Rose genuinely didn’t know the purpose of. They were far too big to be closets, but a tad too small to be bedrooms. Rose didn’t care what they used to be; instead, she planned to make the rooms a nursery: one for the twins, until they were big enough for proper beds, and the other for the new baby. It would be perfect, since the last room at the end of the corridor was the master suite. </p><p>Rose already knew the suite was enormous, yet it took her breath away to behold it. The room would easily fit their king-sized bed and all of their bedroom furniture, and still have room for more. Perhaps they could put a cushy rocking chair in this room as well as the nurseries; there could never be enough cozy furniture to cuddle her children, Rose thought.</p><p>There was a giant walk-in closet connected to the bedroom, as well as a double-vanity ensuite. The bathroom, too, was huge, outfitted with a tub and a walk-in shower stall; both the tub and shower had plenty of room for her and James to share, which would be perfect for intimate date nights.</p><p>Moving from room to room, Rose catalogued how she would arrange furniture and paint colors that would look good in each room and blend the entire ground floor of the house together. She took note of the flooring, and which rooms should be outfitted with carpets rather than hardwood floors or tile, or vice versa. When she and James helped Robert pick out the floors, they’d only had Ainsley; at the time, she hadn’t been able to imagine having five children. Now, she couldn’t imagine anything differently.</p><p>“I can see that beautiful mind of yours at work already.” James came up behind her as she weighed whether the library ought to be carpeted or left as it was with hardwood floor. He wrapped his arms around her waist and casually splayed a palm on her lower belly, kissing the side of her neck and sending pleasant tingles across her skin. “What are you thinking?”</p><p>Rose leaned into him, tilting her head back to catch his gaze. His eyes were bright with joy and soft with love; she found herself falling in love with him all over again. She turned in his arms, draping her forearms over his shoulders.</p><p>“I’m thinking,” she murmured, pushing up onto her toes so that her mouth hovered mere inches from his, “that this already feels like home.”</p><p>And though she planted a kiss to his lips as she finished speaking, his answering smile was dazzling.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As always, if you're still reading this story (I know there's only a handful of y'all who have stuck around as I've added more and more kids to the Tyler-McCrimmon brood), I would love to hear from you about what you thought of the chapter 💜 Comments give me a shot of serotonin, and shots of serotonin means my brain is in a happy place to write more words 💜</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>James and Rose finish up with their week in Scotland, and when they get home, they discuss more logistics of moving.</p>
<p>Chapter Word Count: ~ 7700</p>
<p>Chapter Rating: Explicit 🍆</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the start of the chapter:<br/>James: 39<br/>Rose: 34<br/>Ainsley: 9<br/>Sianin: 6<br/>Twins: almost 8 months</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The coming week was filled with dozens of people coming and going from the manor, from contractors to landscapers, offering them price quotes for the work James and Rose wanted done to the house and grounds. When Rose saw the totals, she was instantly nauseated, wondering where on Earth they would be able to pull that sum of money from and thinking of all of the projects they could trim down on to lower the cost.</p>
<p>“We’re selling our old house,” James reminded her when he’d seen how pale she was. “Sure, we’ll have to take out a loan so that the work can get started on time, but we’ll pay that off as soon as the house sells. The house will be more than enough to cover the renovations, and there’ll be money left over to cover the moving costs. But even if we didn’t have the house to sell, between what is in our bank account and the multitude of investment accounts we’ve got, we’re fine.”</p>
<p>Logically, Rose knew all of this. She knew she’d been soulmated into a wealthy family and that money was a luxury she and James and their children would never have to worry about. Yet the part of her brain that had grown up with her mother—living paycheck to paycheck, wearing through her clothes until they had holes in them, having frequent lectures from her mum on being extra frugal during certain months when her mum’s hours at work had been decreased—bleated in panic. Screamed at her that she was being ostentatious and frivolous, that she ought to find cheaper alternatives.</p>
<p>But she and James were being frugal, as much a project like this would allow for. The house was old, and while it had been modernized over the centuries, it took a certain level of craftsmanship and expertise to keep the bones of the house true to its roots. Rose and James loved the history of the house and the old architecture, and didn’t plan to change anything about that during their time as the manor’s owners.</p>
<p><em>Or caretaker</em>, Rose thought wryly, in her case.</p>
<p>James had made a point of emphasizing that this was <em>their</em> house, and “no bloody piece of paper is going to make a difference”. It still didn’t keep her from teasing him over the fact that he had an entire mansion as his birthright.</p>
<p>The residential suites were all on the second level of the manor house; the grand staircase, located off the side of the main foyer, delicately boxed around to the upper floor. Two wide corridors extended to the left and right from the top of the stairs. There were seven bedrooms in total: three to the left (one of which was James’s old bedroom, and where Rose had stayed with him when she’d first come to the manor all those many years ago), and four to the right. There were two full bathrooms on either wing to serve the residents of the various bedrooms. The bathrooms, though not as large as Rose’s suite with James, were plenty big enough that, even when the girls grew into teenagers and had more hygiene products, there would be plenty of space in the bathrooms.</p>
<p>The bedrooms had been empty for decades, apart from when visiting family filled them at Christmastime, and therefore needed quite a bit of updating. The windows ought to be replaced to help with insulation and the paint on the walls was faded and chipping.</p>
<p>Neither child had wanted James’s old bedroom, a fact he melodramatically took offense to, making the girls laugh. Rose noted with some amusement that both kids had chosen rooms on the opposite wing from the bedroom she would share with James.</p>
<p>Sianin had chosen the largest bedroom, which was the first room on the right from the grand staircase. It overlooked the front garden of the manor. Ainsley, meanwhile, had chosen a smaller bedroom, but the one that was in the back corner. The room opened up to a balcony that overlooked the forest; Rose immediately loved this room for her eldest. Plus, Ainsley was old enough that Rose wasn’t at all worried about her daughter accidentally falling from the balcony. She would just have to remind Ainsley to keep an eye on her baby siblings if they ever visited her in her room.</p>
<p>“We’ll get you some outdoor furniture,” Rose promised as she hugged Ainsley from behind, watching birds flit from tree to tree. “You can sit out here to your heart’s content. But If I ever catch you tryna sneak a date up into your room, you’re immediately getting demoted to a room directly beside our bedroom downstairs.”</p>
<p>Ainsley grimaced, muttering, “That’s more than enough incentive to never sneak a boy into my room.”</p>
<p>Rose laughed and kissed her daughter’s head, before she picked Ainsley’s brain on the color scheme she would want for her bedroom, and how she might like to decorate.</p>
<p>oOoOo</p>
<p>The week flew by, with Rose enjoying the time with her family in their future home. Meeting with the various contractors was exhausting, but she was pleased that she and James were making a bit of progress with this project.</p>
<p>Best of all, she and James <em>finally</em> settled on a timeline to move, after nearly a month of debating and going back and forth to figure out the least shitty option. Their choices had been to move before the baby came, in which case they would be pulling their kids out of school and away from their friends in the middle of the school year, and they would be trying to move whilst Rose was nearing the end of her pregnancy. Or they could wait until after the baby came and Ainsley and Sianin were on summer holidays. But that option would mean moving with year-old twins, a newborn, and a one-month postpartum Rose.</p>
<p>As much as it broke her heart, Rose agreed that it would be better if they got their family moved and settled into the new house before the baby came in late May. They decided to let Ainsley and Sianin stay in school until their two-week break between the spring and summer terms, that way they wouldn’t miss any school, and they would have some time to adjust to being in Scotland before starting at a new school. </p>
<p>She and James would need to hunt around for schools and get started on registering Sianin and Ainsley; Rose added that to her never-ending list of things to do. James, too, would need to start job searching and hope that the nearby universities were hiring.</p>
<p>True to her word, Elizabeth had gotten into contact with her friend and fellow midwife, Abby, who worked at a clinic a half hour away from the manor. She agreed to set up a consultation appointment with Rose and James for Friday morning on their last full day in Scotland.</p>
<p>Robert stayed home with the kids while James drove them into the city. Rose tried to take in the scenery and atmosphere of the area she would be calling home for the foreseeable future. It was busier than where they currently lived, down in Oxford, but nothing compared to the bustle of London, where Rose had grown up.</p>
<p>The consultation visit went well, to Rose’s relief. This new midwife reminded her so much of Elizabeth that Rose was immediately at ease. They chatted about Rose’s previous birth experience, what she liked and didn’t like, and how she wanted this new birth to be handled.</p>
<p>The midwife also asked for James’s opinion on the matter.</p>
<p>“Oh, well, it’s not really my place,” he stammered, caught off-guard. </p>
<p>“In my experience, fathers are a pretty important part of creating a baby,” Abby drawled in a Yorkshire accent, her humor as dry as Elizabeth’s. Rose snorted. “Sure, the labor process will be led by Rose and she’ll be doing the grunt work, pun completely intended, but I would like to also hear your vision for this birth.”</p>
<p>“I want Rose to be as comfortable as possible,” he eventually said, shrugging. “I want her and our baby to be safe and healthy, no matter what. That’s the most important part. The rest is insignificant.”</p>
<p>Rose slotted her fingers through his, smiling softly at her husband.</p>
<p>The consultation visit lasted for well over an hour, wherein they went over Rose’s tentative birth plan and the timeline of the remainder of her pregnancy. They filled Abby in on their moving process, letting her know that they would only be permanent residents to the area starting in early April. The midwife didn’t seem to mind.</p>
<p>“Elizabeth and her office will coordinate with me and mine to send along your file and any important medical information. For now, you’re in great hands with her.”</p>
<p>By the time their meeting ended, Rose was utterly starving. When she’d said as much to James, he beamed at her, pleased with her apparent appetite. Her stomach had gotten less picky over the course of the week, but she struggled with feeling hungry. If James hadn’t been watching her like a hawk, trailing after her with snacks, Rose knew she would have forgotten to eat amidst the madness of speaking with so many different people.</p>
<p>“Let’s find somewhere to go for lunch,” James said, threading his arm through hers. “In the mood for anything in particular? Or are you absolutely <em>not</em> in the mood for anything in particular?”</p>
<p>“Anything,” Rose said, her stomach twisting painfully into itself as it gurgled and squealed. “Please just feed me.”</p>
<p>He laughed and began scrolling through his phone for places to eat. They settled on a sandwich shop near a university campus. It wasn’t yet crowded with patrons, as it was only eleven in the morning, so James and Rose received their food quickly and snagged a table on the outdoor patio. Though it was mid-October, the sun was warm and the breeze was cool rather than crisp; it would be one of the last decent days before months of cold and damp weather, Rose presumed. She basked in the sunshine as she devoured her hot roast beef sandwich and her sweet potato crisps.</p>
<p>James, bless him, dumped half of his crisps onto her plate when he saw she’s devoured all of hers; she was too hungry to feel bad about snitching his food.</p>
<p>“It’s beautiful here,” Rose sighed, slouching into her seat to observe their surroundings. They were off the main roads, and the only sounds she could hear were birds and light traffic, muffled with distance. The university’s campus sprawled into the distance, the old stone architecture bold against the wide-open expanses of grass and cobblestones. “You should apply here.”</p>
<p>He snorted and stole a crisp back from her plate, popping it into his mouth. “I’ll be casting a wide net and hoping to land something. If I can’t teach, I’m sure I can find something else.”</p>
<p>“I hope you’ll find a teaching position,” she said, reaching out to nudge her foot against one of his. “You love teaching.” He shrugged, and Rose frowned. “Are you worried about being able to find a job?”</p>
<p>He shrugged again, and Rose would’ve thrown a crisp at his head if they weren’t so damn delicious. She settled for kicking his foot.</p>
<p>“I’m worried about a lot of things,” he answered unhelpfully. “You know me. If I can worry about it, I will.”</p>
<p>Rose’s mouth pulled down deeper. “Well… don’t.”</p>
<p>He laughed, a genuinely happy sound. “Right, yeah, that’s so simple, why didn’t I think of that?” He reached across the table and linked their fingers together loosely. “I’ll be fine, Rose. Promise. Now. More importantly. What did you think of Abby?”</p>
<p>“I really liked her,” Rose said, annoyed with her husband for dismissing their prior conversation so completely. But she had to trust he would talk with her when he was in the right headspace for it. “It’s gonna be weird not havin’ Elizabeth deliver the baby, is all. But in the grand scheme of things, it’s not all that important who delivers ‘em, s’long as they’re healthy.”</p>
<p>“Well with those standards, <em>I</em> qualify to deliver our baby,” James teased, grinning at her.</p>
<p>“You helped deliver Sianin,” Rose replied, shrugging. “Worst-case scenario, I’d trust you to deliver the baby.”</p>
<p>James snorted and rolled his eyes. “You and I have very different definitions of <em>worst-case scenario</em>, love.”</p>
<p>“Do I want to know what your worst-case scenario is?” she asked, wincing, sure she already knew exactly what horrors James’s mind came up with.</p>
<p>“No,” he said simply, squeezing her fingers. “C’mon. Finish your lunch. We’ve got one last contractor coming in an hour.”</p>
<p>oOoOo</p>
<p>By the time James and Rose were ready to leave Scotland to return home, Rose was satisfied with the progress they’d made. They had estimated prices and start dates from half of the contractors who came out to look at the house and property, and the other half claimed to get back to them within a week. After that, they would begin pouring over their options of who to hire to finish the work they wanted done. </p>
<p>Exhausting though it was to coordinate with so many people, Rose felt a huge weight lift from her chest. Things were finally beginning to come together; hopefully construction would be able to start after the holidays and wrap up before their family was due to move into the manor. (She elected to ignore, for the time being, the headache of packing up their entire life in Oxford and shipping it up to Glasgow. One stressor at a time.)</p>
<p>James seemed to reflect her mood, a combination of exhaustion and excitement. His eyes lit up whenever she shared her mental pictures of how the rooms would look when the house was finished, but they dimmed whenever she talked about the actual construction and work needed to make her vision a reality. She couldn’t blame him though; a home renovation project as large as the one they were undertaking was stressful enough without also trying to coordinate moving everything four hundred miles north.</p>
<p>The night they returned home, everyone went to bed early, including James and Rose. One of the twins had picked up a bug while they were in Scotland, and by the time they left the manor, all four children were sniffly and congested. Ainsley and Sianin had napped for most of the train ride, but the twins had been miserable, coughing and whining as James, Rose, and Robert kept them as comfortable as possible.</p>
<p>The older kids scarfed down some soup for dinner, then retired to their bedrooms right after the meal to get some sleep. Even the twins had gone down early, allowing James and Rose the free time to get started on the mountain of dirty laundry they’d brought home from Scotland. They’d managed to get through one and a half loads before their own exhaustion caught up with them, and they decided to go to bed too despite it being only eight-thirty.</p>
<p>The baby cold medicine seemed to work its magic, letting the twins sleep solidly for most of the night. Because she’d gone to bed so early, when Rose was awoken at nearly four in the morning by a whimpering twin, she found herself with more energy than she expected.</p>
<p>Glancing over, she saw her husband was fast asleep. <em>Good</em>. He was still on his rampage of being the one to care for the twins in the middle of the night so that she could rest, no matter that she felt perfectly fine, with no lingering effects from the hemorrhage that had scared them both so much.</p>
<p>Shuffling to the nursery, Rose tended to Maddie, who had a face covered in snot.</p>
<p>“Let’s get you all cleaned up,” Rose cooed, lifting her baby from the crib. “That icky snot is gross, but it’s good that your sinuses are draining. Hopefully it won’t make your belly sick, but if it does, Mummy will be here to make you feel better.”</p>
<p>Rose chatted mindlessly to her child as she wiped her nose then checked her nappy. Maddie grunted and groaned in Rose’s arms as she breathed, but after a few minutes of Rose gently swaying her, the baby fell back to sleep.</p>
<p>Kissing her baby’s slightly heated forehead, Rose placed Maddie into her crib, then checked on Hannah. The girl was asleep, her face also hot from fever. Nothing too concerning, yet it made Rose’s heart constrict to feel her baby’s too-warm skin.</p>
<p>“Nighty night,” Rose whispered to her twins. “There’s a few hours ‘til dawn. Get more sleep, my loves.”</p>
<p>After watching her babies do nothing more than breathe for another few minutes, Rose finally retreated from the nursery and poked her head into her older childrens’ rooms. Both were asleep, their bodies contorted into positions Rose wished she were still flexible enough to achieve.</p>
<p>Her family checked on, Rose returned to her bedroom. James was on his back and didn’t stir when she slipped beneath the sheets beside him. Her eyes had adjusted to the dark of the house, so she could easily see his face, her gaze tracing the contours of his silhouette. The slope of his forehead, the slant of his nose, the curve of his bottom lip, the jut of his chin. She rolled onto her side and watched him as his bare chest rose and fell evenly. Just like with their kids, Rose could spend hours watching him like this. Her chest ached, her fingers itching to touch him, to hold him. </p>
<p>“You gonna stare all night?”</p>
<p>Rose let out a little squeal, then she smacked him. “I thought you were asleep!”</p>
<p>“Well, I’m not.” He rolled over until his position mirrored hers; she could see his eyes sparkling through the darkness, could see the sleepiness in them. “I woke up when I heard you through the monitor. Couldn’t get back to sleep. What were you thinking about?”</p>
<p>“You,” she answered, reaching between them to find his hand. She threaded their fingers together and rubbed her thumb against the back of his. “I was just looking at you and suddenly felt overwhelmed by how much I love you. Like… I <em>love </em>you, and tonight my heart is <em>aching </em>with it. D’you know what I mean?”</p>
<p>His fingers squeezed hers, and when he finally spoke, his voice was a little raspy. “Yeah. I know exactly what you mean.”</p>
<p>He lifted their joined hands to his lips and pressed a delicate kiss to the ridges of her knuckles. Then he released her hand and scooted closer to her, invading the neutral zone of their bed. She met him halfway, groaning quietly when his warm, solid body molded to hers. His hard angles settled against her soft curves in familiar places. Her head rested in its usual spot in the crook of his shoulder, her arm draped around his waist, her legs tangled with his.</p>
<p>She felt him sigh and melt into her, before his searching lips settled clumsily on her upper lip. She grinned and altered the angle so their mouths met head-on for a soft, lazy kiss. The ache in her heart swooped into her lower belly, a heady sensation that was as overpowering as it was welcome. It had been weeks since she’d felt it. The <em>want</em> for him. The <em>need</em> for him. She’d had no interest in physical intimacy in weeks, but tonight… Tonight, she desired her husband in every way possible—emotionally, mentally, and physically.</p>
<p>As she returned the pressure of his kisses, she let her hand walk down his side until she scraped her nails against the delicate skin above the elastic waistband of his pants. He shivered.</p>
<p>“Do you want… Can we… Can we make love?” she murmured against his lips.</p>
<p>“<em>Yes</em>. Please.”</p>
<p>Grinning at the moan in his voice, Rose slipped her hand into the front of his boxer-briefs. He wasn’t at all hard as she wrapped her fingers lightly around him, but she didn’t mind. She wasn’t the least bit sleepy, so lost was she in this fiery yearning for him.</p>
<p>James let out a shuddering breath as she cradled his soft cock in her palm, massaging him slowly as she returned his kisses, her tongue dancing teasingly along his. She loved this. She loved that she could arouse him with her touches and kisses. And she loved the feeling of him in her hand, faint twitches and throbs as he grew and lengthened.</p>
<p>She left no part of him untouched, skating her other hand up his belly and across his hips and down his thighs between strokes to his hardening length. His breathing deepened, becoming irregular whenever something felt particularly good for him. She made sure to repeat those motions of her hand, wanting to pull more gasps from him.</p>
<p>His hands, meanwhile, were not idle. He mapped out the planes of her spine and the curve of her arse, all while his lips drank from hers in deep, slow kisses that banked the fire low in her gut. Her body was overheated, and she broke away from him long enough to squirm out of her nightclothes. He followed suit until they were both gloriously naked beneath the sheets. But even that grew too sweltering after a while, so she tossed their blankets to the foot of their bed, within easy reach for when they would inevitably become chilled when their lovemaking was over.</p>
<p>Rose whimpered when James pulled her into his arms, slotting the entire length of her body against his. Electricity hummed between them, igniting every cell until she was a mess of longing and desire. His erection settled between her legs, grinding against her so deliciously with every lazy flex of his hips.</p>
<p>Their movements were unhurried, as though it wasn’t the middle of the night when they ought to be sleeping. Rose couldn’t fathom wanting to sleep, not when she was wholly consumed with her husband for the first time in weeks, not when he was holding her as though he would never let go. Rose never wanted him to let her go.</p>
<p>“Position?” James asked, his voice a gravelly rumble in her ear. The sound rolled through her, settling low in her belly and stoking the flames of her need.</p>
<p>“Front cuddle?” she asked, aware of how breathy her voice sounded. How did he manage to sound like sex incarnate, while she sounded like she’d just sprinted a marathon? “I don’t want to move.”</p>
<p>“Well,” he drawled, a grin in his voice, “I bet it’ll feel nicer if you move a bit.”</p>
<p>She rolled her eyes and pinched his bum, making him laugh. He pressed a kiss to her lips and reached between them. His fingers danced along her folds, exploring and testing, and cursing when he found her soaked for him.</p>
<p>“Ready?” he asked, voice thick.</p>
<p>She nodded, draping her thigh across his hip to help take him inside of her. She gasped as he filled her, and the sound was echoed by him when he was as deep as he could be. Her toes curled against the sparks of pleasure rippling through her. Their fronts were flush, his hips cradled between hers, their legs tangled. They were one being existing in the same space.</p>
<p>Rose curled her fingers into his hair to bring his face to hers for a sloppy kiss. James returned the pressure of her mouth and began to move.</p>
<p>“You feel good,” she breathed, picking up on his rhythm and falling into step with him. “So good, James.”</p>
<p>“You too,” he said, splaying his palm along her lower back. He hummed, long and low; Rose could feel the vibrations in his chest. “I love being inside you. I love doing this with you. I love <em>you</em>.”</p>
<p>“Sap,” she teased, kissing him lightly.</p>
<p>He snorted. “I bare my soul to you, and that’s the response I get?”</p>
<p>“Would you like me to wax poetry back at you?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, actually. Blokes like feeling loved up, too.”</p>
<p>Rose grinned, her heart twisting, echoing the pleasure her body felt. “Right then. You fit inside me so perfectly and when we’re like this, the rest of the world drops away and I can’t think of anything but you and how much I love you.”</p>
<p>“Aww, now who’s the sap?” he cooed, but he was grinning so widely that his teeth gleamed in the dark.</p>
<p>Rose mirrored his expression.</p>
<p>“Shall we get on with it?” he asked, resuming the rhythm that had faltered as they spoke.</p>
<p>“I s’pose.”</p>
<p>She moved her hand to the base of his spine, able to feel the contractions in his muscles and his bum as he ground his hips into hers. His pelvis rubbed against her perfectly, giving her all the stimulation she needed and allowing her hands to roam across his body, as familiar to her as her own was. She knew exactly where to touch, where to squeeze, where to scratch to pull delicious hisses and moans from him. She knew the cadence of his breathing, could sense the shift in his movements that came with his labored exhales.</p>
<p>Her body replied in kind. As heat swelled through her, burning hotter and faster, she tightened in anticipation, urging herself to fall over the edge. She’d missed this with him, sharing this physical act of love with the person she loved most, <em>trusted most</em>, in the universe.</p>
<p>James knew her body almost better than she herself knew it. He curled his hips upward, hitting that spot deep within her that caused her vision to fracture and her skin to go tingly. A hoarse cry escaped her throat, followed by another as he repeated the movements again and again and again and again… </p>
<p>The tension deep in her spine drew taut, and barreled outwards as, with a wordless moan, she tumbled into ecstasy. She pressed her face to his neck to muffle her sounds, sure that she was being far too loud in their silent house, but also unable to care too much. Not when she was seeing stars and galaxies behind her shut eyes. Her lips brushed his hot, damp neck, able to feel his pulse thrumming beneath her mouth. She couldn’t help but bite down on it. James shuddered violently in her arms and he moved his palm to her hip for better leverage.</p>
<p>Her haze of pleasure receded as she let him push her onto her back. He went with her, his movements frenzied as he chased his own high, setting a hard and sloppy rhythm above her. Frantic grunts and groans escaped his throat on every inward thrust. He was close, so close.</p>
<p>Rose tightened her muscles around him, desperate to see him and hear him and feel him break against her.</p>
<p>“<em>Ohhh</em>,” he choked out, sucking in a sharp breath as his rhythm stuttered, his hips arching, pushing, pressing deeply into her, as far as they could go.</p>
<p>Rose’s belly coiled in an echo of the pleasure she’d just felt as he emptied himself inside of her, his held breath gusting out of him on a long, low groan of pure relief. She could feel him throbbing heavily inside of her, the movements timed with his moans, and she realized this was the first time he’d gotten off in… well, she didn’t even know how long. When was the last time they’d shared physical intimacy together? She made a mental note to check in with him more often about that; for now, she was utterly content in sharing this afterglow with James.</p>
<p>He dropped his head to her collarbone as he panted raggedly, his breaths humid against her skin.</p>
<p>“Good?” she murmured, stroking her fingers through his damp hair.</p>
<p>He snorted, then planted a kiss above her breast. “So good.” He forced his head up from her chest. His face was flushed, his eyes gleaming. He bent down to kiss her softly. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Thank <em>you</em>,” she countered.</p>
<p>Humming, he shifted off of her and collapsed onto his belly beside her. He slung his arm across her middle and tilted his head to look at her. His thumb traced idle circles into her side as he simply… <em>stared </em>at her. </p>
<p>“You okay?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Mmm,” he hummed, a non-answer.</p>
<p>Rose was suddenly very much awake. “Hey. I’m serious. What’s the matter?”</p>
<p>He exhaled heavily, then closed his eyes and nuzzled into her shoulder. The longer he stayed silent, the harder her heart began to beat.</p>
<p>“James, please. Talk to me.”</p>
<p>“I’ve been thinking a lot about relocating our family to Scotland,” he said, his voice low in the darkness of their room.</p>
<p>Rose frowned. “Are you having second thoughts?”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>When he said nothing else, she asked, “Then what’s wrong? Did you not like any of the contractors we spoke with? We can try to arrange for someone else to look at the property.”</p>
<p>“No, it’s not that. I liked the contractors, and I think you and I will have no trouble picking one to complete the work,” he said. Frustration coiled within her, but before she could press him further, he continued.  “Usually the homeowner is actually <em>at the home</em> during the repairs. Overseeing everything. Making decisions when things come up.”</p>
<p>His voice was impossibly gentle, and Rose had no idea why. He stroked soothing lines up and down her belly, and again, she was at a loss.</p>
<p>“We kept saying that we could do a lot of the work ourselves,” he said, voice still low. “And we can. But not with twin toddlers and a newborn in the house. It’s not feasible, love, and I think you know that.”</p>
<p>James planted a kiss to her shoulder before resting his head there. Rose’s mind was whirring, trying desperately to figure out what on earth he was talking about. Was he suggesting they add in more work to their contracting budget?</p>
<p>He scanned her face, his eyes growing sad when he realized she wasn’t following his train of thought. He trailed his fingers across the valley of her hips, her belly, exploring the dips and bumps before landing on her tiny baby bump. “Rose. Love. I should be in Scotland when the contractors begin work on the house. I can get everything ready for you and the kids. I can paint and furnish all the rooms, so everything is move-in ready. We can hire a moving company to help you box up our house here, and I’ll be ready in Scotland when our belongings arrive, and I’ll start arranging furniture, and…” </p>
<p>But Rose wasn’t listening. Her brain was stuck on <em>I should be in Scotland</em>, the words replaying on loop in her head, echoing too loudly in her ears.</p>
<p>“What are you saying?” she asked, her voice breaking. “James, what are you doing?”</p>
<p>His face fell. “It’ll only be for a couple months…”</p>
<p>“No!” she said, her vision blurring as hot tears welled in her eyes.</p>
<p>James shifted to his side, gathering her up into his arms. She was surrounded by him, by his scent and his warmth, and when she blinked, her tears fell over. Soon, body-shaking sobs overtook her until she could hardly breathe.</p>
<p>“No, you can’t,” she rasped. “We… we can figure something else out. You don’t need to be in Scotland. I… I need you at home. With me. With the kids.”</p>
<p>“I know it’ll be difficult…”</p>
<p>“I <em>need</em> you here at home!” she cried, hysterical at the thought of being without her best friend and her parenting partner for any extended length of time.</p>
<p>“My dad will be here to help.”</p>
<p>“It’s not the same. He’s not <em>you</em>.” She sucked in a lungful of air, but it smelled so intensely like her husband that she dissolved into unintelligible sobbing once more.</p>
<p>How could he do this? How could he suggest this?</p>
<p>“My dad used to do this all the time when I was growing up,” James said, rubbing her back slowly. “I never understood why until now. The thought of our children living in an active construction zone makes my blood pressure rise. And the thought of trying to keep them away from the rooms as we paint them makes me want to rip my hair out. I’m rather handy; I can get so much finished before you and the kids make the final move.”</p>
<p>“How am I supposed to take care of four kids by myself, James?” she whimpered. “<em>And</em> while pregnant? It’ll be <em>exhausting</em>.”</p>
<p>“I know,” he said, kissing her brow. “But it’s only for a couple months. And like I said, Dad will be here to help.”</p>
<p>His phrasing gave Rose pause. James wasn’t one to volunteer anybody for a task, but especially when it came to parenting their children. </p>
<p>“How long have you been planning this?” she asked, fury rising within her. “Did you already discuss this with your dad <em>behind my back</em>?”</p>
<p>James was silent for so long that Rose had her answer. More tears flooded down her cheeks, as a gaping hole opened up in her chest.</p>
<p>“How long?” she demanded, pushing him away to look him in the eye and to get his damned scent out of her lungs. “How long have you been plannin’ to <em>leave us behind</em> while you swan up to Scotland.”</p>
<p>Rose knew she was being unfair, but her heart was breaking in a dozen different ways that she wanted James to be feeling the same way. Her words found their mark, and his face crumpled.</p>
<p>“Rose, I’m not…” He breathed raggedly for a moment, and it was only then that she realized he was fighting back tears too. “Do you think this is <em>easy</em> for me to suggest? Do you think I <em>want</em> to be away from my family, my <em>kids</em>… from <em>you</em>?”</p>
<p>His voice broke, and suddenly Rose hated everything she’d just said. Her anger with the situation, which she’d unfairly taken out on her husband, was gone as she opened her arms for him. He clung to her, shaking and shuddering as his tears burned into her neck.</p>
<p>“I tried to think of alternatives,” he gasped, “God, I <em>tried</em>, Rose.”</p>
<p>“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, stroking his hair. “Why didn’t you let me help make this decision? Maybe we can come up with a different plan.”</p>
<p>“Like what?”</p>
<p>Desperate to make him laugh, she poked his ribs and said, “Well, you’ve only clued me in two minutes ago. I’m good, but not that good.”</p>
<p>It didn’t work as expected though. While he did chuckle, the sound morphed into a sob as he held her tighter.</p>
<p>“I don’t know what the answer is,” he admitted, voice hoarse. “Do we, in good conscience, wait to renovate the house until we’ve moved, and hope that construction doesn’t disrupt our daily lives too much? Do we live with the house as it is, and deal with it for years until the kids are older? But then what’s the point in moving up to the manor if the house isn’t what <em>we</em> as a family want it to be? Do I split my time between Scotland and Oxford, so I’m not away as long, but the tradeoff is that the work I can do to the house takes ten times longer? Do we say to hell with money and hire someone to do everything, even when we could easily do the painting and some of the landscaping and all that? Do we move right after Christmas so we’re all together, but then I panic daily about having two babies, two children, and a pregnant wife exposed to the dust and fumes of renovations? I don’t know what to do Rose. Please tell me what to do. If you see a solution to all of this, I really would love to hear it.”</p>
<p>God, he really had been mulling this over for a while, hadn’t he? Her heart ached at the thought that he'd been carrying this anxiety around inside of him for several weeks. Why hadn’t he said anything? Had he been worried about upsetting her when she’d been recovering from her hemorrhage? Had he been trying to consider all options before talking with her about it?</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” she whispered, running her fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry, James. I didn’t mean what I said before.”</p>
<p>He was silent save for his erratic breathing. His face remained tucked into her neck, and, gradually, his tears stopped. When they did, Rose reached behind herself for a tissue and she gently blotted his cheeks and eyes dry, before letting him swipe at his running nose.</p>
<p>“Let’s say we go with your plan,” Rose said, “and I’m not saying that’s what we’re doing, but hypothetically. What’s the timeline look like?”</p>
<p>James blew his nose loudly, then dropped the tissue into the rubbish bin. He settled himself into her side once more, as though he couldn’t bear to not be touching her. She didn’t mind. She luxuriated in the feel of so much of his skin pressed to hers, and after what she’d accused him of two minutes ago, she was more than willing to give him this simple comfort.</p>
<p>“I would probably stay in Scotland after the holidays,” he replied. “Get started as soon as possible. And be up there full time ‘til you and the kids come up. I dunno. You and I can coordinate to get our stuff packed up from the house here and moved to Scotland, and I can unpack and put the house together. That way things are ready when you and the girls move in. And I can get things ready for the baby. I can enroll the kids in school. Hunt around for pediatricians and dentists and things. It will limit the physical burden on you and what you have to do regarding the moving process.”</p>
<p>Rose kissed the top of his head. “But you’re doing all the work. That’s not fair.”</p>
<p>He shrugged against her, then brushed his fingertips to the slight swell of her belly. “This baby threw a wrench in our original plans. We have to modify them. But just think, love. Come the beginning of April, we won’t have to worry about or do a single thing for the house. Everything will be finished and ready. Won’t that be so nice?”</p>
<p>Rose sighed. “But… you’ll be on your own.”</p>
<p>“Only for a little while,” he said quietly. “I’ll be busy though. That’ll help. And we can talk daily. Get some use out of our old soulbond, eh? Video chat every few days so the kids don’t forget what I look like. And I’ll visit home for the twins’ birthday. Hopefully construction will be finished by Sianin’s and I can come home and help you lot make the final move.”</p>
<p>“This sucks,” she said quietly, kissing the top of his head again.</p>
<p>He snorted mirthlessly. “Yeah. A little bit. But it’s for a couple months, and it’s a one-time thing. After this, we’ll be settled in our forever home until the kids are grown, then you and I can retire to a small little house together.”</p>
<p>“Gotta have room for grandbabies,” Rose countered, smiling. “We popped out five of our own… odds are one of ‘em will procreate too.”</p>
<p>James shuddered. “No ta. I’d rather not think about any of my children <em>procreating</em>.”</p>
<p>“Wonder how our parents feel about the fact that you and I have <em>procreated </em>so much,” Rose mused.</p>
<p>“I asked my dad that once, actually. He says he tries to forget about the fact that his son is having regular sex.”</p>
<p>Rose burst out laughing. Hearing James echo her laughter made her laugh even more, glad that his solemn mood had lifted, even if only for a moment.</p>
<p>“For what it’s worth,” Rose teased, “you’re a wonderful shag. It’s only fair you get to have regular sex.”</p>
<p>James giggled against her, hugging her tightly for a long moment. “Oh, I do love you.”</p>
<p>Though he’d been saying those words for decades, they never failed to warm her from the inside out. Rose nuzzled deeper into James’s arms, as though she could burrow herself straight into his heart. Her body was boneless and light, and she began to drift in the space between sleeping and consciousness.</p>
<p>“You still awake?” he whispered, voice barely audible.</p>
<p>“No,” she replied.</p>
<p>“You sound awake.”</p>
<p>“Nope. Definitely asleep.”</p>
<p>He snorted. “I was just thinking. We really need to tell your mum about everything. The baby. Moving to Scotland.”</p>
<p>Rose tensed against him. “Do we have to?”</p>
<p>“Well, she’s going to find out about both things sooner or later. Would you rather her find out on her own?”</p>
<p>“I’d rather her not find out at all,” Rose muttered petulantly. She knew she wasn’t being fair, but she dreaded her mother’s reaction to all of the changes that would be happening in the coming months. “We can give her a call later this week. Or we can wait ‘til Ainsley’s birthday party to tell her in-person”</p>
<p>“You’re gonna be a balloon by then,” he teased, gently poking her lower abdomen.</p>
<p>“Oi!”</p>
<p>“I’m not saying it’s a bad thing,” James said, voice warm. “I love seeing you pregnant. I love seeing your baby bump.”</p>
<p>“You just love that my tits get massive.”</p>
<p>James planted a kiss to the aforementioned breasts. “That’s definitely a very nice perk. They’re very lovely tits.”</p>
<p>Rose harrumphed half-heartedly, then sighed, the momentary distraction from the conversation over. “She’s gonna be so upset.”</p>
<p>“I know,” James murmured quietly, stroking his fingers down her back in long, slow lines. “The manor is huge, though. Plenty of guest rooms. She can visit as often as she’d like and will have a place to sleep.”</p>
<p>“You think she’d make a six-hour train ride when she barely bothers to make a one-hour trip?” Rose snorted, mirthless. “I hate that. I hate that she gets so upset that she doesn’t see the girls but won’t really make the effort to come visit. It’s her own bloody damn fault.”</p>
<p>Hot tears welled in her eyes, and she pressed her palms to them, trying to force them down. James squeezed her tightly, not responding.</p>
<p>“Why is she like this?” Rose whimpered, losing the battle against her tears.</p>
<p>“Jealousy can bring out the worst in people.” James shifted their positions slightly so her head now rested on his chest. She could feel and hear the solid thumping of his heart beneath her ear. “And can make them irrational. Combine that with your mother’s stubborn streak, and here we are.”</p>
<p>“I hate this.”</p>
<p>“As do I,” James said, kissing the top of her head. “We’ll figure something out.”</p>
<p>Rose tried to let her husband’s words soothe her, but there was an aching knot lodged in her throat. She was tired of crying, which is all she felt like she’d done all night. The reminder of <em>why</em> she’d been crying—that she and her husband would be separated for a couple months—set her off again. James, bless him, just held her and rocked them slowly.</p>
<p>“I’m so weepy this time ‘round,” she grumbled through her tears.</p>
<p>“Sometimes a good cry is all you need,” he said. “Cry it out, love.”</p>
<p>“I feel so stupid.”</p>
<p>“Never,” he said. “You, Rose Tyler-McCrimmon, are the least-stupid person I know.”</p>
<p>She giggled, the sound watery. “What a ringing endorsement.” She sniffled, cringing when she accidentally popped her ears because her nose was clogged. She cracked her jaw and swallowed to re-establish the pressure equilibrium. “It’s just… you and I have this amazing opportunity. We’re going to be living in a giant, beautiful house that has more than enough room for our family, and we don’t have to worry about money or anything… and I’m finding everything to be upset about.”</p>
<p>James carded his fingers through her hair, using the hold to tilt her face up to look at him. “We have been together for over sixteen years. <em>Sixteen years</em>. And you still love me enough to be distraught at the thought of a several-month separation from me. That’s…” He exhaled out a low breath, then pressed his forehead to hers, as though he could physically push his thoughts into her head. “I feel so, so loved and wanted. <em>You</em> make me feel loved and wanted.”</p>
<p>“Because you <em>are</em> loved and wanted, you numpty,” she said. “I kinda like you, y’know.”</p>
<p>His lips quirked up in a smile. “Good, ‘cos I kinda like you too.”</p>
<p>He nuzzled his nose into hers, but she caught his jaw and pushed him away. “I’m all snotty.”</p>
<p>“I’ve been pissed on, shat on, puked on, and sneezed on. And that’s just been this week alone. I can take a bit of your snot.”</p>
<p>“Flattering as that is,” she drawled, rolling away from him to grab a tissue, “<em>I</em> feel disgusting snotting on you.”</p>
<p>She sat up in bed to blow her nose. James followed her, propping his back up to the headboard. Clearly neither of them were going back to sleep any time soon. She dropped her used tissue into the garbage bin on her side of her bed, then she sat beside her husband, her head on his shoulder.</p>
<p>“I’ve had enough of heavy conversation. Wanna keep making out?” she asked, rubbing her hand up his thigh and through his leg hairs in the wrong direction. The coarse hairs tickled her palm.</p>
<p>“Do you even have to ask?”</p>
<p>With that consent, Rose spun and lifted herself into his lap, straddling his legs. His hands automatically moved to her hips, caressing the sensitive skin gently. His eyes were dark as he watched her, his pupils growing as she pressed her hip flush to his. He was soft beneath her, but she could feel him twitching with interest.</p>
<p>“Are you in the mood for another round?” James asked. “If not, that’s all right. Ignore my cock.”</p>
<p>“Aww, but why would I ignore your cock? It’s a lovely cock. My favorite cock.”</p>
<p>“As though you’ve handled so many other ones,” he deadpanned.</p>
<p>“Even if I had, yours would be my favorite,” she said with a wink.</p>
<p>He giggled from high up in his throat, one of her favorite laughs. Beaming, she leaned down and chased the sound, slotting her lips to his in a searing kiss.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As always, if you're still reading this story I would love to hear from you about what you thought of the chapter 💜</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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